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Before we were separated the first time, the boys didn't understand why I would break up our family.  They were both very angry with me at the time.  What they experienced was "normal" to them.  After we got back together, our oldest son, JD, was old enough to begin understanding and realizing he didn't deserve to be treated that way, so he started fighting back.  This only made Brent angrier.  He justified his physical responses to our son as discipline.  JD was nine years old at the time this second slide began.  The older he grew, the more angry he became and the more quickly he erupted into violence in response.  More times that I can count I had to get between them in literal brawling fights.

I still went to God as had become my habit, daily asking for His revelation of truth for my life from His Word.  During the next four years God still worked on me and my responses and attitude.  He also put in my life two precious friends who became my accountability partners.  This was a very important thing for me.  God does not intend for any of us to walk alone through the Christian life.  Heb. 10:24-25 indicates we need the mutual encouragement of other believers. 

After three years there came a point when I had to tell Brent that if he didn't stop the violence I was going to have to take some type of action because I couldn't stand by while it continued.  But still I waited because I had to have God's direction.  Several months later the decision was taken out of my hands.  While I was gone to meet with my accountability partners Brent and JD got into an altercation again.  There were neighbor boys present who saw the violence, and JD ran away.  I knew that we had to have some kind of help.  I made an appointment for myself and JD to see a Christian counselor to find out how we needed to respond correctly, so as not to enflame Brent.  However, when we told her what had happened she said she was legally required to report Brent to the authorities.  I was not expecting that and it certainly wasn’t my intention.  But after she said it, I knew she was right.

This experience was a mixed blessing.  On one hand it helped JD to realize that what he experienced was not acceptable.  But I found that it was hard working with the social workers.  They see violence every day but most of them are not trained counselors.  The social worker could not see past Brent's mild-mannered exterior and tears -- he was so different from the men she usually worked with who were jobless addicts and convicts.  At the same time, she saw some things in me that I had never realized were there.  The biggest one was that the boys picked up on my lack of respect for my husband, even though I tried to act respectful.  The Word says we are to respect our husbands, period.  But I couldn't conceive of how to respect someone who acted the way Brent did.  I thought it would be enough to act respectful.  But the children "caught" my underlying disrespect.  I was devastated to discover something this ugly still lurking in my heart after so many years of walking closely with God and earnestly desiring Him to change me.  I learned that I can respect my husband because of his position of authority, regardless of his behavior.  That does not mean I am supposed to sit by and participate in wrongdoing by my own inaction, however.

Meanwhile, things at home got worse.  Finally, I had to make the difficult decision to separate again.   The authorities were threatening the imminent removal of our children.   God gave me specific direction from His Word again, and confirmed it several times.  This time my church was much more supportive. God led us to a precious Christian friend for counseling.  During this counseling God again revealed several things in my own heart that shocked and dismayed me.

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