Titus 2 Men And Women

God's Justice, Part III -- How Can I Appropriate God's Healing?
Danette Tucker

"...AND VIOLATED TRUST AND I WONDER IF OUR GOD LIKES THAT OR IF HE REALLY IS SO JUST."

I AM HURT, MY HUSBAND LEFT ME AFTER I HAD CANCER, MARRIED A 16YRS YOUNGER WOMAN. HAS NO USE FOR OUR TWO SONS.  PLEASE HELP, IS GOD SO JUST? I PRAY FOR HIM EVERYDAY.

THANKS FOR ALL OF YOUR DEVOTIONS. HELP ME PRAY FOR HIM, HE HAS NEVER BEEN SAVED.

We've looked at the questions about God's justice and your hurt.  But how do you actually walk in God's healing for you and your life?  I mentioned in the section about your hurt that God uses the pain of our circumstances to alert us that there is a problem and to train us how to walk in the truth.  Hebrews 12:12-13 says since this is the case --

... lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;

And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.

This is what this section is about -- lifting up your hands and making straight paths for your feet so that you can be healed.  This is the balm and bandages, and even some physical therapy, for your brokenness.

I.     Establish a daily habit of spending time with God and make this an absolute priority. 

This is not a "to do" to add to your life!  This is about developing a real relationship, not just about checking off your Bible reading and prayer time each day.   You can talk to God just as simply as you would to your dearest friend standing in your kitchen.  You can say exactly what you think and feel -- he's not going to be shocked!  Look at the example of David.  David laid it all out there -- even his ugliest emotions.  And God recorded it in His Word for all of time.  This subject is addressed in more depth in the article, Your New Best Friend.  The article The Power of Making a Memorial would also be helpful. 

Simply start by asking the Holy Spirit to teach you.  Ask Him to do that every day.  He WILL.  And remember that God is a gentle healer.  He will lead you in tiny baby steps, day by day. 

Isaiah 28:9-13
Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts.

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:

For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people.

To whom he said, This is the rest wherewith ye may cause the weary to rest; and this is the refreshing: yet they would not hear.

But the word of the LORD was unto them precept upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken.

II.     Clear the decks with God.  

In our hurt, Satan deceives us into making sinful choices.  And, while he may be the deceiver, it is still our sin.  James 5:16 indicates that there is a direct and specific correlation between our confession of sin and God's healing in our lives.  Here again, we need to understand what repentance and confession really is.  It's is not a chest-beating, sack-cloth and ashes, back-lashing session of guilt and groveling!  Repentance is simply agreeing with and turning to the truth and turning away from the sin.  Confession is simply stating that fact.  We seek God's forgiveness, not with shame and humiliation, but as a child simply running into daddy's arms for reconciliation.  We repent, confess, ask forgiveness -- and it is done.

The first thing for you to confess to God is your sin in hiding from Him and abandoning relationship with Him in an attempt to protect yourself.  Again, remember, this is not a shameful or humiliating thing.  It is a positive, not a negative.  Your sin is a fact and you want to restore the lost relationship.  This is how to do it.  God is just waiting for you to take the first step.

Another thing to remember is that this repentance/confession/forgiveness cycle is one that will be a daily thing for the rest of your life as you walk in relationship with God.  God's work in our lives, from the time we accept Christ until the moment we are perfected in heaven, is to expose our areas of unbelief and sin and conform us into the image of Christ.  That always necessitates repentance, confession and forgiveness as the Holy Spirit reveals to us these areas of our lives.

III.     Forgive your husband with an open hand and heart.

This is a hard one but absolutely critical.   

Matthew 6:15
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

That's pretty clear-cut!  God goes into this principle in more depth in Matthew 18:21-35.

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin

against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until

seventy times seven.

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

The truth is that God has forgiven us far more than we will ever be required to forgive another.  If that doesn't seem to be real to you, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth of it.  The magnitude of what God has forgiven us for is truly staggering.

There are several basic things to remember about forgiveness.  First, forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.  We can choose to forgive, regardless of whether we feel like forgiving someone.  Forgiveness is simply making the choice not to hold that person responsible to ever make it right with you or to acknowledge the truth of what they have done wrong.  Once we have made that choice, Satan will probably still challenge it in our emotions.  When that happens we need to go back to the fact -- I forgave it and I refuse to take that offense back on my shoulders.

Second, forgiveness may need to be extended repeatedly.  Especially in an un-reconciled relationship, the other party won't necessarily stop offending!  But learning how to forgive enables you to forgive immediately and not hold onto those offenses, causing you further damage.

Third, forgiveness does not require, nor is it dependent on, reconciliation.   You can forgive regardless of whether the other person ever changes.  And just because you do forgive, does not mean that God requires you to put yourself in a position that invites that other party to hurt you again.  God cares about your protection, too.  As you go along in your relationship with God, He will teach you how you can build in limits in your relationship with a person who persists in hurting you.

Finally, lack of forgiveness ALWAYS carries a huge price tag.  Unforgiveness always results in bitterness.  And bitterness has serious physical and spiritual consequences.  Bitterness will stand as an insurmountable wall between you and God, denying you access to His grace for your everyday life (Hebrews 12:15).  It is just not worth clinging to!!

IV.     Release your husband into God's hands.

This goes hand-in-hand with forgiveness.  You have to let go of your husband.  He has made irreversible choices.  He has married someone else, so there is no chance of full reconciliation.  That fact will always remain between you.  The two of you will always be connected in some way because you have children together, but there will always be a limit to how much reconciliation can take place. 

Also, as long as you emotionally hold your husband "captive" for hurting you (unforgiveness), you are hindering God from working freely in his life.  For one thing, while you are holding him captive even your prayers are ineffective -- because they are manipulative at their heart.  You are trying to change your husband through God.  You have to let him go and let God deal with him in His way and in His time -- with no conditions!

Another thing that releasing your husband will accomplish is that it will enable you to truly pray for your husband in love.  When you can let him go, you can be free to learn to see him through God's eyes.  And when you can see him the way God sees him, you will be able to see him with the same compassion and patience that God has.  Then your prayers will become FAR more effective because you can pray in truth; in complete agreement with what the Holy Spirit wants for him.

When you can see your husband the way God sees him, you will also be able to enter into spiritual warfare for him because you will be able to see the truth of what is really going on in your husband's life.  The Holy Spirit will be able to show you the bondage that is the "why" behind your husband's behavior and you will be able to pray specifically for those areas.

Now, lastly, what about your children?  You mentioned in your original note that your sons are experiencing rejection by their father.  This rejection hurts them and their hurt hurts you.  God's answers for your children are the same as they are for you.  As you learn to walk this path of healing for yourself, you can begin to share this truth with your sons, too.  God has a redemptive plan for their lives, just as He does for yours.  Your sons will have their own choices to make -- will they hold onto bitterness and hurt, will they allow this to destroy or twist and scar their lives, or will they seek God's better plan?  This is something you can teach them, first through walking there yourself, then by being open to share with them, and always by knowing how to pray for them in truth.  None of these will be possible unless you take these steps for yourself, however.

Thank you for being open and vulnerable enough to write and ask these painful questions!  I know right now you are in a tremendously painful place.  But even just in asking these questions you are opening the door to a new path.  Healing is there for you and we are praying with you as you seek it

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