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The truth is that God has forgiven us far more than we will ever be required to forgive another.  If that doesn't seem to be real to you, ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth of it.  The magnitude of what God has forgiven us for is truly staggering.

There are several basic things to remember about forgiveness.  First, forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.  We can choose to forgive, regardless of whether we feel like forgiving someone.  Forgiveness is simply making the choice not to hold that person responsible to ever make it right with you or to acknowledge the truth of what they have done wrong.  Once we have made that choice, Satan will probably still challenge it in our emotions.  When that happens we need to go back to the fact -- I forgave it and I refuse to take that offense back on my shoulders.

Second, forgiveness may need to be extended repeatedly.  Especially in an un-reconciled relationship, the other party won't necessarily stop offending!  But learning how to forgive enables you to forgive immediately and not hold onto those offenses, causing you further damage.

Third, forgiveness does not require, nor is it dependent on, reconciliation.   You can forgive regardless of whether the other person ever changes.  And just because you do forgive, does not mean that God requires you to put yourself in a position that invites that other party to hurt you again.  God cares about your protection, too.  As you go along in your relationship with God, He will teach you how you can build in limits in your relationship with a person who persists in hurting you.

Finally, lack of forgiveness ALWAYS carries a huge price tag.  Unforgiveness always results in bitterness.  And bitterness has serious physical and spiritual consequences.  Bitterness will stand as an insurmountable wall between you and God, denying you access to His grace for your everyday life (Hebrews 12:15).  It is just not worth clinging to!!

IV.     Release your husband into God's hands.

This goes hand-in-hand with forgiveness.  You have to let go of your husband.  He has made irreversible choices.  He has married someone else, so there is no chance of full reconciliation.  That fact will always remain between you.  The two of you will always be connected in some way because you have children together, but there will always be a limit to how much reconciliation can take place. 

Also, as long as you emotionally hold your husband "captive" for hurting you (unforgiveness), you are hindering God from working freely in his life.  For one thing, while you are holding him captive even your prayers are ineffective -- because they are manipulative at their heart.  You are trying to change your husband through God.  You have to let him go and let God deal with him in His way and in His time -- with no conditions!

Another thing that releasing your husband will accomplish is that it will enable you to truly pray for your husband in love.  When you can let him go, you can be free to learn to see him through God's eyes.  And when you can see him the way God sees him, you will be able to see him with the same compassion and patience that God has.  Then your prayers will become FAR more effective because you can pray in truth; in complete agreement with what the Holy Spirit wants for him.

When you can see your husband the way God sees him, you will also be able to enter into spiritual warfare for him because you will be able to see the truth of what is really going on in your husband's life.  The Holy Spirit will be able to show you the bondage that is the "why" behind your husband's behavior and you will be able to pray specifically for those areas.

Now, lastly, what about your children?  You mentioned in your original note that your sons are experiencing rejection by their father.  This rejection hurts them and their hurt hurts you.  God's answers for your children are the same as they are for you.  As you learn to walk this path of healing for yourself, you can begin to share this truth with your sons, too.  God has a redemptive plan for their lives, just as He does for yours.  Your sons will have their own choices to make -- will they hold onto bitterness and hurt, will they allow this to destroy or twist and scar their lives, or will they seek God's better plan?  This is something you can teach them, first through walking there yourself, then by being open to share with them, and always by knowing how to pray for them in truth.  None of these will be possible unless you take these steps for yourself, however.

Thank you for being open and vulnerable enough to write and ask these painful questions!  I know right now you are in a tremendously painful place.  But even just in asking these questions you are opening the door to a new path.  Healing is there for you and we are praying with you as you seek it

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