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So what does godly discipline look like? It follows the model of God when He "parents" us. Discipline is training -- no more, no less. And it is always strictly in love without anger, judgment, irritation, harshness, etc. (See also I Cor. 13:4-8) When I think about it, this completely changes my perspective of discipline. My responsibility as a parent is to meekly and gently teach and train my children, with never-ending patience! That never-ending patience part is really hard sometimes! But those are the times when I am forced to go to God for the ability to parent my children in His love -- and that's exactly what I need to be doing anyway.

But don't I have a responsibility to make my children obey? Actually, I don't believe we do. Now, stay with me and see what I mean by that statement! According to II Tim. 2:24-26 it is my responsibility to teach and gently correct but it is God's department to "give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth." Obedience comes from the heart and is a result of love. This means that, while I have a responsibility to train and teach, only God can change the heart. I do have a responsibility as part of the training and teaching of my children to establish and enforce boundaries and behavioral limits -- in love, without harshness, irritation, impatience or anger. But true obedience -- the voluntary choice to obey from the heart -- is something only God can bring about. This takes a lot of the pressure and guilt off of me! I am responsible to do my part, and it is a big one, but God is in charge of the ultimate outcome.

Another reason why this parent's heart is so critical for us to demonstrate to our children is because their view of God will be largely colored by their relationship with us. Do I want my children to view God as harsh, angry, critical, demeaning or distant? No, I want my children to learn to love God as I do and to develop a close personal relationship with Him. The way I model God's love to them through my parenting will have a profound affect on that.

The application of these principles is a never-ending challenge and study in walking in Christ. Rather than approaching parenting from a position of "I am the boss; I'm going to make you submit to my will," I have to stay humble before God and rely on His grace and wisdom to parent. Only He can give me insight into what's really going on inside my child's heart and mind and how to best discipline him.

I hope you will be inspired to join me on this journey. Ask God to show you whether this is true and how you can apply it to your own parenting. I don't believe it is ever too late to start. As I said, I have teenagers. But as my husband and I have begun to apply these principles in our relationships with our children, we are already seeing improvements. No, we're not having overnight miracles. But I know that God has created every person with a deep desire to be loved. My children are no exception. Unconditional love, expressed as God would show it, is something that cannot fail to affect any child (or any other person, for that matter). And it is God's responsibility to take care of their hearts. That frees me to love my children without the pressure of guilt and to simply delight in them, as God delights in His children.

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