Titus 2 Men And Women

How To Escape The Black Hole Of Depression
by Denise Lower

God gave me my life for a reason, and if anything in my life is a help to you, then I count that as a blessing to God. II Cor. 1:3-7, "Blessed be God, even the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort. 4. Who  comforteth us in all our tribulations, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 5. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth in Christ. 6. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 7. And our hope of you is steadfast knowing, that as ye are partakers of the sufferings, so shall ye be also of the consolations."

Recently, in a Bible study, we were studying Hagar, Sarah’s’ handmaid.  In studying Hagar, we discussed the struggle between the flesh and the spirit.  God had promised Abraham that his seed would be as the grains of sand and the stars in the heaven, but Sarah was past the childbearing years, and thought she would help God out.  At that point she had a choice.  She could believe God, and wait for His timing, or she could "help" Him out, by providing her handmaid to  Abraham, who would then provide an heir.  She yielded to her flesh instead of the Spirit.......and the world is STILL suffering from the effects of her fleshly choice today.

 I believe this is the same battle those who are depressed struggle with.  After all, doesn’t scripture itself say, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the ruler of the darkness of the world, against spiritual wickedness in high places", Eph.6:12, and does that verse not go on to tell us how to put on the spiritual armor?

A quote I find interesting says " To function in the spirit, SELF must be broken...........brokenness occurs when that "hard unyielding self which justifies itself, wants its own way, stands up for its rights, and seeks its own glory, at last bows its head to God's will, admits its wrong, gives up its own way to Jesus, surrenders its rights and discards its own glory....that the Lord Jesus might have all and be all". 

You CAN NOT fend off the demon of depression by yourself. You CAN NOT fend off Satan in the power of your own might.  I believe this is what caused my own years of bouts with depression. I CAN NOT cure my depression by hours and hours of introspection.  Weeks and months of turning into myself to "find the answer" only made me more and more depressed.  I believe this is part of Satan’s plan in peoples lives who have this problem. 

Ask yourself this question?  Why did Satan get sent out of heaven???  The Bible says in Isaiah 14:13 & 14, "For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: 14. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds: I will be like the most High."  Satan first of all said in his heart, and I believe that is what introspection is.  There IS a time when we are to "examine our selves", II Cor. 11:28, but that examination is done in light of how we have effected other people, and how we stand before God prior to communion,  not just ourselves.

 I know it sounds WAY too simple, but it is basically what our Pastor said once. He said if you change your focus from downward and inward, to upward and outward, that depression will soon be taken care of.  If you are looking up to Jesus for the answers and for your every day leading in life, and outward to OTHERS and to "doing" things, it will be IMPOSSIBLE to STAY depressed.

If I am only looking inward at my own black hole, or downward at where my feet are stuck at, I am only going to go further and further back into that dark, dark room of my soul, never forward.  I can say these things to you because I have lived in a state of depression.  I remember SO well the feeling of helplessness, of utter despair.  The feeling of being in a hole so black and deep, that there seemed absolutely NO WAY OUT. 

Depression did things to my vision.  I mean,  the way I saw things in the real world.  It made things look fuzzy and distorted, like I was on some kind of mind altering drug.  Depression can make a sunny day seem like it is dark, murky and cloudy.  Depression can take away whole blocks of time.

One of the other symptoms of depression, even "slight", or the beginning of depression, can be crying.  A doctor I went to when I first started thinking something was wrong, gave me a list of 10 things or "symptoms" of depression.  If I checked at least 4 of them, chances were likely that I was in some form of depression. 

How ironic that many of these symptoms are listed under many other illnesses such as PMS, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and even Desert Storm Syndrome.  But is there a blood test or other type of test to VERIFY CONCLUSIVELY that depression is the illness you are struggling with? NO.  They simply observe how you respond to the medication and if you respond well, you must have depression and are being helped by it.  What if you have one of the other illnesses listed?  I wonder how many people are being lulled into catatonic states by medication they really don’t need?

One of the aforementioned symptoms was "crying for any reason", at the drop of a hat, crying all the time and not knowing why you’re crying and/or intense feelings of sadness, which lead to crying.

Ladies, I can tell you that I cried a lot on the outside, but I also cried on the inside almost constantly.  And in what seems to be a dichotomy, when I was on the meds, even when I WAS sad about something, I could NOT cry.  It was like the medication was a shield to tears, or FEELING.  So I literally went from crying all the time to not crying at all, even over things I SHOULD have been crying over, in less than a month.

I thought this meant I had "beat" the problem, but in essence, I had created another more deadly one, and that was lack of feeling, lack of remorse or LACK OF CONVICTION over anything.  I guess the pendulum had swung back way too far the other way.

All of a sudden, when a corner of the blackness lifted, I found myself not being able to remember how I got where I was.  I didn’t remember Christmases, my birthday, my daughter’s birthday or my son’s archery shoots.  The only way even knew I had been at these events was because I was in photos people showed me.  It was like watching a movie of myself and being there, but not really knowing I was there at the time. 

Our lives are supposed to be lived with the JOY of the Lord.  How on earth could I be a witness to someone and tell them they want what I have, if I am so tied up in fear of every day living? I lived in fear of others finding out how much I hated my life.  Why would God give me this life, if I was going to be so miserable and not do anything for him???  Then, a verse I heard multiple times while growing up kept popping my head.  James 1:22, "But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves."  That is a powerful verse, unfortunately, we only hear it in the negative sense of , "you are not doing enough for the cause of Christ". Many times when I heard this verse, I would curl up tighter inside myself and just shake when I thought of how sad I was making Jesus by not being the light, salt and witness I knew He wanted me to be.

But look at the last part of that verse, "deceiving your own selves". That is exactly what happens when we don’t DO enough and all we do is LISTEN. Who is the deceiver the Bible refers to?  Who is the "accuser of the brethren"?

 Sharon says it this way, and it is a very appropriate word picture.  A pool of water has no flowing in and out, it is just a vessel of still water.  Look at pools of water in July or August.  They are teeming, stagnant pools of green unused water.  They take in all the rain water and surface water, but have no way to get rid of it.

A Christian who is NOT doing and who is introspecting themselves to death is just like that stagnant pool. There is a HUGE difference in introspection (SELF-thought) and meditation or musing on GOD’S WORD).  Like me, I had taken in and taken in and taken in for YEARS, and never found a way to GIVE OUT or BACK.  Satan had me trapped in a LIE.  He had me bound up in MY SELF.  I needed to find a way to GIVE BACK what I had been TAKING IN for years.

Society likes to make you think you are giving back just by being active in your children’s lives, by working, by going to school and "improving yourself", by traveling, but ESPECIALLY BY THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF.  Selfishness is NOT the ticket out of depression, it is the chain and ropes that Satan uses to keep you bound in that dark room of your soul.

I used to be depressed.  I had what the docs called "laughing depression". I covered up how I really felt.  They said I had depleted all the chemicals in my brain, that I would need to replace them with drugs, and that due to my personality and lifestyle, I would need to take them approximately every 7 years, since I would continue to use them up after I replaced them with drugs.

I bought into that.  Did they ask me anything else about my life? NO.  Did they know my parents had just begun a horrendous divorce, and even though I was a grown adult with children of my own, it affected me a great deal? NO.  Did they know my husband at the time was cheating on me, and that he was a lay preacher??? NO.  Did they ask how many miscarriages I had suffered??? NO....(four).  I was 25 at the time.  Been married almost 5 years.  I will not go in to the details, but my life was a mess.  So they put me on anti-depressants, NO counseling, and told me I would probably need to take them a year or so.

The first brand they put me on nearly killed me, I laid in a hospital bed for almost 2 weeks on IV cortisone, to overcome the edema on ALL my major organs, including my brain.  Still, I wanted to feel better, so I allowed them to put me on another medication. This one didn't kill me ,and DID make me feel better, so I took this medication for approximately a year.

(Danette Tucker, another writer from this site would like to add these insightful comments. "Depression is about what's going on in our heads -- what we really believe and what we're choosing to focus on (the circumstances, Satan's lies, or God's truth).  The way out of depression is exactly what has been said -- living by faith in the truth ,DOING what God has shown us is right even when it doesn't feel like the truth.

The vast majority of the time, drugs are detrimental rather than beneficial -- especially the popular drugs of choice these days.  The use of drugs, Paxil in our case, nearly cost our family everything because they made a bad situation dramatically worse.  Drugs mask the pain and make it more difficult to clearly focus mentally on the truth.  There are some drugs which have very mild, if any, side effects.  Two of those are Zoloft and Desipramine.  My husband's meds were changed by a Christian psychiatrist, from Paxil to Desipramine.  It made a dramatic difference.  A few years later my husband was able to wean himself off the Desipramine (with doctor's direction) and is now drug free.

The way out of depression is to learn and live the truth that sets us free and it is only found in Christ.  Whether we need the temporary aid of medication, the real answer for permanent healing is still found in the truth of Christ". End quote

Seven years later, I was in another BAD PLACE in my life, this time without God, because I had quit attending church just prior to my husband abandoning me with two children under 7.  This man hid in the mountains of Colorado to avoid paying child support.  Never sent a birthday card, or Christmas present to his kids........still doesn't.  But, I thought my depression could be cured with medication, so once again they put me on the same ones I had been on 7 years previous.

Did they ask how I was supporting myself??? NO.   At that time I was working three jobs, my kids had become latchkey children, I even chose at one point to live with someone I had NO BUSINESS living with because I couldn’t afford to live any other way.  I was suffering from the effects of my own depression, which I believe causes SIN........running, running, running........it's all a blur in my memory.  BUT, the meds seemed to help. (Did I really need this drug then, or did I talk myself into because that is what the Dr. said about seven years??  How powerful is the power of suggestion?)   They made things look brighter, they brought my world back into focus.  They made me think more about me, and after all, that is what today’s world tells me will make me feel better, no?  "You deserve a break today", "If it feels good do it", "Just do it".  How many slogans do we hear on a daily basis that feed self?

As close back as the year we moved here, just 5 years ago, I once again took myself back to a doctor to make me feel better, to escape the overwhelming feeling of despair and blackness.  They put me on Prozac, the anti-depressant of choice now.  After a few weeks on that, I was ready to kill myself. 

I have since read that even though these medications were created to help people, they have unfortunate side effects. They can MAKE you suicidal.  The trick is, you don’t know if you’re the kind of person that reacts that way, until you TAKE the medication.  Trial by error.  That is not the kind of risk I am willing to take again.  When I was totally "out of the woods", I read the list of side effects of Prozac.  It gave me nightmares for a long time.  I cannot believe that I allowed them to let me put that kind of poison in my body.  They are classified a "psycho-tropic" drugs and are nothing less than mind-altering and addictive (even though they TELL you they aren’t).

Please do not think I am totally against meds for mental illness.  I KNOW there are cases where these meds are keeping people alive and productive.  I KNOW there are many forms of mental illness as well as depression.  I have a very close friend who has been on Prozac for YEARS, and I can tell when she is out of her medication.  I have PAID for her drugs, just so she wouldn’t kill her children.  BUT I also know each case is individual and that it is much easier to throw a pill at a problem than for the me to admit I am in sin, because I am not doing things God’s way.

Most or many doctors will not suggest or even mention counseling. It's because if you get yourself straightened out, you won't need meds anymore, OR docs and there goes their paycheck. Seriously, I've read too much that suggests this whole counseling/meds/psychiatrist/role-play/dream-analysis, etc, etc, etc., is nothing but a cyclical scam perpetrated by pharmaceuticals/doctors/hospitals/clinics/politician/lobbyists to make and to continue to make more money.  Pretty sad, and I really don't think it is as simple as that, but I also know if you don't have a sick person, you don't have a need for the vehicle to make them better and that would put many people out of business.

I also think that many of these drugs available to "cure" depression today are a hindrance rather than a help. I understand the need for sleeping all the time due to the drugs.  I had a friend on multiple doses of different anti-depressants, and she literally slept in a recliner most of the day, went to work at night, never saw her children grow up, and realized YEARS later that she had missed huge chunks of her kids lives. I also went thru a period of sleeping a lot.  I thought it was fatigue from working so much when I was a single mom, but as I look back on it now, I can see it was an "escape mechanism" I used to just leave life.

Suicide is a very common thought to people who suffer from depression and it is the ultimate form of selfishness.  Satan would love nothing more than to get the final victory in this way.  He will have won, even though you would be in heaven.  He is not just after you, he will not rest until he has your children, your loved ones and their testimonies for Christ.  He will get your children or your husband after you're gone.  No doubt about it.  You gave up, why shouldn't they?

God only and God alone brought me to the realization that I was trying to do this in the power of my own might.  I was NOT leaning on God........I was NOT trusting in His word, I did NOT know how to.

What I did to begin the process of rising out of my depression, was the next thing ,and then the next thing and then the next RIGHT thing.  I started actually DOING all the things I had heard from the pulpit for years........I started setting an alarm and getting up at 5:30 every morning, just so I could read my Bible before anyone else got up. I read in Psalms where David said, "Early seek me" or something like that and thought, "Well, it worked for him, it's in the Book, maybe it could start things on the right track for me".

You certainly DON'T need to try and change your life to become an early riser if that does not fit into your schedule.  If you are already depressed and have problems with schedules or change, then for Pete’s sake,  if late at night when everyone else is quiet is best for you, then by all means DO IT THEN.  Or just before lunch, or right after lunch.  The point here is to DO IT.......at a regular time each day so it becomes habit."

I started keeping a prayer journal. It was really very juvenile, but I had NO ONE to show me how to do it.  I would write down a request, or something I or someone else needed, then when that request was answered, I would cross it off, write the date and put PRAISE over it in big letters.  It absolutely amazed me how quickly answered prayers started adding up. It gave me HOPE, to see these answers to prayer just adding up in this little book of mine.  PROOF that God IS who He says He is and that He DOES answer prayer, and that He DOES care for even the little things in my life.

I started praying OUT LOUD. I sounded like a child at first. I always wanted to pray these grand and glorious prayers of those senior saints at church, and mine sounded like abc's, but I FORCED myself to do it for weeks on end, every morning.......praise Him, Praise Him,  PRAISE HIM.......I heard teachers at the Bible college I attended who gave sermons on how to talk to God. I got copies of the tapes, had a friend transcribe them onto paper and then I DID EXACTLY WHAT IT SAID TO DO.

I am a person who needs a LIST.  I need a PLAN.  I HAVE TO HAVE THINGS WRITTEN DOWN.  Maybe you are not like that.  I am NOT a creative person, God skipped me and gave all that kind of talent to my mother and my daughter.  I need CLEAR DIRECTIONS and a picture of the finished product, then I can make or do whatever someone tells me.  So, I sat down and wrote a list.  I will share that list of the steps out of depression at the end of this article.  

I started TALKING like I knew who God was. I didn't, but I listened to the way other Godly ladies in the church spoke and started copying how they said things.  I practiced using the words........blessing.......praise.........trial.....Godly.........led by the Spirit......and many others. I practiced telling people one nice thing about themselves at the very beginning of each conversation I would have, even if it was a "HI" in a hallway, I would respond with "oh, you look so nice in that color".......I CONSCIOUSLY and PRE-MEDITATELY (not a word, huh?) started talking and acting like a believer in God....even though I  really didn't have a clue......... Isn’t that how I taught my children to be polite? To take care of their rooms?  To be productive citizens?  Didn’t I tell them to do something, even though they didn’t have a CLUE how to do it, and expect them to do it until it became a habit and then a way of life??? And you know what?????

It started becoming a HABIT to talk that way, to pray,  to get up that early, to read my Bible.  It started feeling NATURAL to say things like, "I asked the Lord for his leading in ________ (fill in the blank). I discovered what I was doing was REPLACING EVIL WITH GOOD (Gen. 50:20, Amos 4:14, Romans 12:21),  a Biblical principal and the ONLY way to get rid of not only your depressive thoughts, but your NON action.  You CANNOT  wait for someone else to do it for you.  I was SO embarrassed and I felt tongue tied A LOT, even though I am a trained public speaker.

THEN an amazing thing happened. I couldn't live WITHOUT getting up at 5:30 every morning, I didn't even have to set the alarm, I just got up. I LIVED to open my prayer journal and see which blessings God answered for the people I was praying for.  I looked forward to meeting other people that I was praying for, to see if their prayers were being answered . AND THEY WERE being answered.  My prayer journal was becoming so full, I had to create new ways to pray over my lists. I tried a different way I had been told about once, but it didn't work, so I went back to my old way.

All of a sudden it felt funny to not use the word "blessing" or "Jesus" in a sentence........all of what I was practicing and pretending, finally became ME.

And that is the way I did it. I have never written this out before. I have been struggling with something very terrible these past few weeks, I could literally FEEL myself slipping back into that very dark hole.   But reaching out and helping another person with depression is EXACTLY what God knew I needed.  Just to review how the depression disappeared without medication and WITH GOD is refreshing.  That whole II Cor 1:3-7 principal again.  God is still God and if he did if for me, after the sinful HORRIBLE life I lived for 7 years, he can do it for you too.

BUT.......YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART........you have to TRY, even if it is like walking in a dark room.  See,  the difference in these dark rooms is you KNOW all about the dark room of depression.  You know your room, I did. And you know where to hide in this room, it is an INWARD room.  I knew where all the cracks and corners were.  I knew where to hide, but I also knew where the door was, I was just too scared and too wrapped up in myself to reach for the doorknob.  I am talking about walking into an UNKNOWN room where Jesus is present.  He is light, so as soon as you locate Jesus, He will light the way for you out of that OUTWARD room and into a life full of the brightness of His presence. 

You HAVE to try something, to take the first step, even if it is just praying out loud by yourself and acknowledging God for who He is. That's all he really wants anyway, our praise and fellowship.   That is why He created us, isn’t it?   It sounds so simple and it really is, too simple for us smart, sophisticated, educated 21st century humans to stoop to, but it is the only way I found to pull myself out of that miry pit of depression.

 When you have depression, you are NOT dying inside. You are wrapped up in little knots inside, but you are not dying, Satan just wants you to think you are and he also wants you to wish that you would.....die, that is.  Keep telling yourself NOT to think about it.  Keep doing the list, ask everyone you know to pray for you.  There is definite strength in numbers and strength and power in prayer.

1.  Get up at the same time every morning, before everyone else.(Or whenever is best for you.)

2.  Read in the Bible from a SCHEDULE....if you don't have one, get one from somewhere, ANYWHERE. I’m sure any Christian bookstore would have them, or you could probably locate one online. Danette adds: "There is an URL for reading the Bible through in a year.  http://bible.crosswalk.com/BibleInAYear/  People can choose to read online or just follow the schedule".

3.  After that regular reading every morning, read 5 chapters of Psalms. This was a new angle I added to my life just last year, and I can’t tell you what a blessing it has been.  Basically, you read in Psalms for love and sweetness, Proverbs for wisdom and Acts for knowledge.

4.  Then read one chapter in Proverbs, by the date, if it is the 7^th, read chapter 7.

5.  I was taught then to read a chapter in Acts (by the date)........but it just didn't make sense to me when I started this plan....I suggest one chapter a day in Matthew, to keep the life of Jesus in front of you on a daily basis.

Ok, that's God talking to you. I feel that's important, let the Master of the Universe have the first say, make sense???

6.  Now it is your turn to talk to God.  Just talk to him.. Yes we call it prayer, but I talk to my friends, and God should be my best friend.  Tell him your worries, tell him what you need, tell him back what He promised in His Word......He will, after a while (a LONG while in my case) start whispering "this is what this means"....or ....."look at this passage like this"....or....."did you ever see this like this?".......not audibly, but in your heart and in your mind and in your soul.  Listen for that "still, small voice".

7.  NOW write down your prayer requests.  BUT for every ONE request you have for yourself, you MUST make FIVE requests for someone else. THAT was a humbling experience on my part and VERY hard to do..........for awhile.  

8.  Next, I LOVE this part.  After even ONE day, review your prayer list and write PRAISE next to or over each answered prayer.  You found those mittens, your child passed that test, you went 2 whole hours without thinking about YOUR problems, the car started, you didn’t  get that cold going around the church. It is the most amazing thing to look at my prayer journal from 3 or 4 years ago.  Oh, there are still unanswered prayers, heartaches and mistakes on that list, but the secret is in seeing the answers.

 9.  Pick a verse of the day, (you do not have to worry about memorizing it) write it on a 3 x 5 card and tape it where you are the most, above the kitchen sink,   beside the living room chair, on the bathroom mirror. I had a little nephew who wanted to know why Aunt Denise always had weird stuff on her walls. I told him it was keeping me sane. I wonder if he remembers that........he is 17 now, I'll have to ask.

10.  PLAN AN ESCAPE..........If I have a suicidal thought, at the FIRST hint of it, plan to say,  "I will_____________"and fill in the blank. I use this all the time with what I will do when my someone gets ugly, "I will___________walk out of the room, read a book, go to the garden, do the dishes, scrub a floor, bake a cake", I think you get my point.  But you must PRE-PLAN what to do when the evil begins.....you MUST replace evil with good.........good can be anything that is not evil........jogging, baking, reading.  YOU MUST HAVE A PRE-arranged method of reaction. If you don’t you will only React to everything that happens in your life, instead of ACT. 

Most of all, QUIT TRYING SO HARD.  YOU can't do it anyway, God has to and the more you push with trying to make him your everything, etc, etc., the more impossible it will become.  You just need to stay busy with real simple things in life and just do the next thing.  Quit waiting for something to happen. It's almost  like you're holding your breath.......BREATHE........and then do the next thing.

How about a way to do things to keep your mind occupied??  Do you do any crafts???? Scrapbooking, stamps, painting, cross-stitch?  If not, go out and buy a beginner kit and learn to do something NEW.   It takes allot of brain power to learn something new, even if it is simple, and before you know it, you will have a new skill.  You could even teach others......learn to quilt......start making your own soap, write a children’s story......learn origami.......what have you always admired in someone else's ability??? Try to do it yourself.....so you mess up, try again......or try something different.

And if you end up with WAY too many projects sitting around the house, just think of the ways you can bless people with something unexpected that YOU have made.  Give them away to Sunday School classes at your church, bus routes, visit a children’s hospital and give something to the children there AND their parents.   It will brighten THEIR day AND yours.   It is ministering to others, reaching out and it will bless your soul like nothing you’ve ever done before.  NOW......if you really REALLY want to be accountable to someone, discuss with a close friend or church member your plans.  I accomplished this without a person like this in my life, but I know many who do this.  Have them make an agreement with you for when your "accountability session" will be.  It does not need to be a face to face session.  Just a line in a computer email, or a few minutes of the phone.  MANY do it weekly, however, some who are in the beginning stages of this healing process need it more often than that.  You do NOT want to make yourself a burden on this person, so  I would like to suggest two things.  One, that you keep it on a computer, if you have one, or just write things down in a spiral book, for that person to go over when convenient for them.  Two, ONLY PUT THE POSITIVE THINGS YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED IN THIS BOOK, NOT YOUR FAILURES.  If you were to write all your failures or black thoughts, you would be defeating the purpose of doing positive things.  Record just your accomplishments, not your doubts and fears.  It will keep you honest with yourself if you have to write it down AND if you know someone else is looking at it.

I pray something in here has been helpful to the MANY out there that suffer from either the occasional bout with depression, or to those who are severely depressed and on multiple medication.  Always remember it is Satan’s plan to keep us from looking UP.  When I was depressed, UP was not a direction I even knew existed, but with God’s word, the prayers of the faithful, and the plan described above, I believe depression CAN be made to disappear.

This page has been displayed 3 times this month, 3 times since October 11, 2008.