Titus 2 Men And Women

Are Infant Carriers Replacing Mothers Arms?
Or
Who Will Nurture our Future?
by Denise Lower

One year, as our family was anticipating a move from one area of the country to another, I watched as two separate sets of couples, both potential renters, came through a "tour" of our house.

The first couple had one little boy under one and a set of twins on the way.  As they began the tour of our very small home, I found it strange that they sat the baby, in an infant carrier, on our sofa and then walked away.

This relatively young infant, under 8 months at my guess, was awake, alert and very obviously observing everything that was taking place around him.  As soon as we walked out of that room, he began to fuss.

I am sure this vocalizing was his very small, infant way of asking "where did my Mommy and Daddy, my only sense of security I have at this young of age, go in this strange place I have never been before?"  I asked if it were okay if I took him out of the carrier.  They barely glanced at me and mumbled a consent.

As I, this strange lady, carried him through this strange house, he was fascinated by the ceiling fan lights.  He gurgled and half smiled through our little journey.  When we arrived back in the room we had started in, the mother asked to take him, "since he was so heavy."

I am sorry, but I am a very strong, capable mid-fortyish woman who has raised 2 grown children and currently has a very active 7 year old.  I am not feeble, nor infirmed, neither would anyone accuse me of being small or petite.   For her to offer to take a non-complaining, non-squirming, albeit roly poly 7 month old off my hands, because he was "so heavy" seemed strange to me indeed.

I told her it was the "grandma instinct" in me that didn’t mind holding this precious little one.  She took him from my arms and IMMEDIATELY placed him back in the cold, sterile confines of that infant carrier.

The second couple had 3 children under 6. The oldest boy tumbled down our steps from the second floor and bloodied his nose rather badly after coming to an abrupt stop at the wall at the bottom of the stairs.  His little sister carried Caleb’s horse barn around with her during her entire visit and the baby stayed in the baby carrier ON THE FLOOR in the kitchen.  Never at any point during this couples tour through our house did either of them speak directly to their own children (with the exception of the bloody nose incident), let alone LOOK at them to see what they were up to.

Reflecting on these 2 different yet similar situations, it occurred to me that the children were NOT the focus of these parents.  WE were, OUR CONVERSATIONS were, but what these children were doing was NOT a primary concern of either set of parents.

I have many possible reasons running through my mind for this lack of concern, but one that has ranckled on me for quite a while was this new way of transporting  children...those cold, plastic infant carriers, created to simulate mommy’s arms, but a very poor substitute indeed.

The same day, just a few hours before couple number one came to view our house, as I was running some errands,  I glanced up from where I was parked to an adjoining parking lot where I saw an old friend with her newest addition to the family. 

This friend had prayed for YEARS for this child.  This was a much prayed for, much anticipated birth.  We used to live in close proximity to each other, but when we purchased our home, we lost touch.  I have run into this friend a few times in stores and never ONCE have I seen her carrying or actually touching this much prayed for infant.  This particular day was no different.

It was a very bright, warm, sunny day. She had parked her vehicle, walked around to the other side, then grabbed THE INFANT CARRIER, walked to an ATM machine, made a transaction, then lugged the infant carrier back to the vehicle, strapped it back in, then left. 

She did not see me, but it occurred to me finally, that the infant carrier appeared very heavy and the reason for this was because this much prayed for infant was now over one year old, probably capable of taking mommy’s hand and toddling to the ATM machine beside her.

Why on earth would she not have just unstrapped THE CHILD, carried this very small one year old on her hip the few feet to the machine, and CARRY her back???? Or set her on the pavement, grab her chubby little hand and have her walk the few short steps to the machine and back again?  In my opinion, most of those infant carriers are heavier BY THEMSELVES than just one small child.

Modern technology has produced some wonderful things, even these infant carriers that can double as child car safety seats.  I am sure they have saved an unbelievable amount of lives.

However, I believe that much like other "modern inventions" we have taken these infant carriers to a use a few steps farther than they were intended, or as my Daddy used to say, they are "too much of a good thing".

Are these plastic contraptions replacing mothers arms, at a time when we are already spending less and less time with our children?

What made me think of this and put it all together, after couple number two left, was looking at a picture of my young niece, Isabella, which was sitting on the shelf in my living room.

I began thinking of how thoroughly my sister has accepted her role as mother.

And now I am wondering?  Do all those hours and hours with strangers in nurseries have the beginning effect of "no one cares about me, especially not Jesus?"  Is the lack of deep concern or complete involvement a detriment that starts in these childrens’ lives so young that they know of nothing else?

So when we expect our children to grasp our "ideals" as teenagers and young adults, they look at us like, "Where were you and what do you care?" "Why should I believe anything you have to say?" "These other uncompassionate, uncaring, disinterested friends of mine are more comfortable to me, since they are exactly like me".

It seems these children are not the CENTER or FOCUS of even the mother.  They are simply extra appendages to be "managed", not even considered "flesh of our flesh and bone of our bones", a living human being brought forth by the union of two --- a young soul that not only NEEDS but CRAVES the assurance of a mothers and/or fathers constant attention, care and concern, especially when in a strange place, or when hurt, or when surrounded by people they do not know.

I remember very clearly being in my early 20’s with 2 children under 2. But I physically carried them, I held them in my arms, which created an almost unbreakable bond, even after number 2 was born.  Being a mother changes you from being a disinterested third party, to the center of someone’s world.....their very security.

I have been known to say many, many times, even now when 2 of my children are grown and gone, that "I am a magnet".  Any room I am in --- they are all in there- right beside me or under my feet- the same is also true of our dog and cat.

I am these living creatures main nurturer AND THEY KNOW IT because I also have always taken that role seriously.  And my children KNEW that, KNOW that, FELT that and still know it to this day.  I give them undivided devotion and security and they return to me for affirmation of the same --- so they in turn can give it to others around THEM.

Case in point --- the little boy whose nose was bleeding was only 1 year younger than Caleb. Caleb reached out, comforted that little boy and attempted to take care of his immediate needs by running for a wet washcloth, while Mom and Dad kept apologizing for the mess and pretty much just wanted the incident to be over with and for him to be quiet and quit crying.

Caleb is 7 and is a nurturer.  He does not want someone else to hurt.  It is my very firm belief that children will only nurture to the degree that they have been nurtured.

I have seen my older two children, Emily and Evan, do the same thing with stray cats, dogs, birds and even stray neighbor children.  I have seen my older children help others in some very unusual ways.  Even to the point of caring for others whose parents were not home, by bringing them in and "sharing" their snacks and drinks with them.  The other children in turn shared some other not so desirable things with us, such as lice, but the greater goal of nurturing was more important in the long run.  I was home to buy and use the lice treatment.

My older children have also strayed away from God for periods of time, but they BOTH came back, to the Supreme Nurturer, I pray  because they had a mother ( and ONLY a mother for many years) who treated them as her main concern, much like MY mother did for me. There are many things to pass it along to each generation. The Bible even speaks of this in Deut, Proverbs and Psalms. This past nurturing and constant, fervent prayer were both integral in my older children’s return to God.

My question is this: If we abandon our duty as nurturers in the name of duty or ministry, or God forbid, money or success,  who will portray the Ultimate Nurturer to our children? --- so when they need nurtured --- THEY will turn back to HIM, who first loved them?  Or will they turn to a stranger?  Someone they should not trust --- someone who doesn’t nurture because they didn’t have it when they were young? Perhaps even to the devil or one of his agents here on this planet?

NONE of my children are whiney, clingy, cloying, scared adults.  They ALL show an independence that surprises even me.  I don’t believe nurturing a child properly, the way God spells out in the Bible, creates clinging vine children, because the security of knowing the nurturing is there creates an independence they will be secure in and pass on, even unknowingly, to others.

This page has been displayed 5 times this month, 357 times since January 3, 2005.