Titus 2 Men And Women

God's Timing, Not Ours
or
The Evil's of Anti-Anxiety Medications
by Denise Lower

I have been contemplating a difficult time in my life, with special focus on a 4 month period of time.

A verse that comes to mind, viewing things from the other side of this crisis, that I would like to shout right in Satan's face, is in Genesis 50:20, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive."

I have said many times, "God's timing, not ours", in fact, I write it and carry it under every signature line I use, even on e-mails.  God has always intended for certain things to happen in my life. This year, He had to take some drastic measures with me in order for me to let Him work in my life.

In January, I perceived that someone in my life had abandoned me in my time of emotional need. Even though this was not truly the case, but simply a time where God was stretching me,  I became angry with everyone.

God literally had to force me into a position where I would only be able to count on Him, so I could clearly see His soverign hand in it all.

After I had adjusted my life to what I thought was a comfortable level of non-participation and disinterest, which I thought in my own human thinking would protect me from hurt, another even uglier situation occurred in my life, putting me over the edge.

At this point, I felt that not only had a person abandoned me, but that God Himself had "left the building". I literally felt as if I was about to snap.  And in the disinterested intelligence of my own mind, I took myself to the Doctor so he could help me medicate my problem into oblivion.  This was a pattern of behavior I had used in the past and old patterns, especially followed without prayer and counsel, are always easier to follow than new or difficult ones.

I had been here before, done this, could no longer stand the pressure, couldn't escape it, so medication had to be the only answer. I also felt it was the quickest and definitely the easiest answer to my problems.

Yes, it happened to me, the one who wrote and still believes what she said about depression.  I had succumbed to the glitzy tv ads (while watching tv almost non-stop to avoid my problems) and the reasoning of my own mind, an exercise that God calls several times in the book of Proverbs, the way of a fool.

After being on this medication for almost 4 months, I decided this drug was affecting other areas of my life, in a very negative way. The doctor had already explained to me that if I ever wanted to quit taking this drug, I would have to wean myself off of it gradually (looking back, I see this should have been one of my first clues as to how addictive this med was). So knowing this and already having experience under a doctors care of ending a regeime of anti-depressants in the past, I began to decrease the dosage amount.

Not until 5 days later when the withdrawal symptoms became bad enough to become alarming, did I search out a website that told the truth about these types of drugs and the horrific withdrawal symptoms they have for some people. Knowing that I should not trust just one opinion, I searched several of the sites concerning this medication that came up on the search engine. Several of these sites stated that the company that manufactures this drug has withheld all negative and adverse information, which is fully documented in their files, by the way, from doctors and pharmacists, warning of the same unbelievable physical symptoms I was suffering from.

I am sure if the manufacturer printed the warnings and the full effects of the withdrawal, many doctors would carefully examine the benefits vs. the drawbacks. They may hesitate to use this as the drug of choice for depression or anxiety today, without first examining in depth the need for this drug by the individual patient.

Immediately after discontinuing this drug and before the physical withdrawal symptoms began, my mind felt as if it were clearing or coming back to life. I discovered during this period of time that I had literally been numbed to most of reality by this drug during the time I was taking it, without even knowing it, the effects were so gradual.

During this brief window of time, about 2-3 days, I was able to see things with more sharpness of focus, or what I call reality.

When I first began taking this drug, I fooled myself by thinking of this medicated time as a little vacation for my brain.  A well deserved time where I didn't need to care or stress or really think about anything. What a lie of the devil!

After this initial withdrawal period,  the truly horrendous side effects literally began to take over my body. I cannot begin to tell you the severity of the pain and disability that encompassed my body. Even sleep brought little relief.  I look back and see that I was far better off waiting for God's voice and timing in answer to my problem, no matter how long that took,  than running  to what I had reasoned in my own mind was the solution. Proverbs 21:2, "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord pondereth the hearts."

I woke up that one morning and finally admitted to myself that I was in a hole of my own making. The only way out was to lean on God.

Looking back now, I can see that the only reason I agreed to take the medication was because of self. I was taught once that selfishness is the closest thing to Satan worship. Greed and selfishness is what got Satan (then Lucifer) kicked out of heaven. He wanted to be like the Most High God.

Remember where God banished him to??? Here. Earth, where you and I live. So this former high angel of God is Prince of the Earth. He has agents and demons who work for him. He does not want anything Holy or Good to survive here in the kingdom God banished him to.

So, he uses we human creatures that God created, who are supposed to love and worship our Creator, for his own ugly purposes. He places slick lies in front of us, that make it look like our lives will be easier if we follow his ways. He uses every medium and popular way of getting his message across that he can think of.

And we fall for it. Not necessarily because we don't love God, but because God has given us free choice. We get to decide who to serve, and if we're not focused on serving God with all our hearts, Satan will find that kink in our armour and slip into that crack and convince us to go his way, rather than God's.

SO, when trouble rears it's ugly head in our lives, we, being human, run to the path of least resistance. Maybe we fight it for awhile, but eventually, many of us look at the easy way out. I did.

I am the one who wrote, believed and still believes that medication that is mind altering is of the devil. I love God with all my heart and all my soul and literally yearn to give back to God just a portion of the good he has done in my life and in my marriage.

But we humans get tired. We forget the goodness of God in the land of plenty. Psalm 27:14, "I had fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." And we begin to depend on our OWN thinking . Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Notice the word own. Which can be translated self. Who is the King of self? Satan. If we fall into the trap of trusting our own thinking, we are guilty of self worship. Just like Satan.

BUT GOD, has made a plan for us to come back to him anytime we want to. He draws us back to him constantly. He uses His powers.  Sometimes just the beauty of a sunset or the laughter of a child. It is the still small voice, (I Kings 19:12, "And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire, a still small voice") that God wants us to hear. 

Unfortunately, in today's society we cannot hear over the shouting of the media. Or we refuse to listen, because in our minds, we have already determined the path that we will take, and our stubborn self will decides it would be too embarassing to turn back to the right. Add to that the statistics and reports that claim we can be healed if we take just the right medication, and our fate is sealed.

The really evil twist in all this, is that at the beginning of taking this medication, things do change for the better. I liken it to drinking or taking illegal drugs. The first few times are fun and enlightening, but then you become a slave to the chemicals you are putting into your body.

You do not notice the subtle changes that begin taking place in your personality. And don't you think that is just the way the devil has planned it?? Would he plaster great big billboards all over the major highways of the county that show me too weak to move, with my 7 year old son having to blow dry my hair because the shower I took left me too weak to even raise my arms or stand, as the side effects of an anti-anxiety drug?

There is a lesson to be learned in all of this. We, as born again believers must take everything to God in prayer - and then wait - until we hear the clear voice of God leading us to do something. We must not lean on our own understanding. Our understanding is so limited by our humaness. I would much rather depend on the God of the universe, the One who created me, than on myself or another created being, a doctor, for the answer to life's important questions.

I must also understand that God will not always answer me when I want him to. He will answer me in His timing, not mine. And just because He doesn't answer me immediately, does not mean He does not love me, it simply means I need to wait for His answer. I complicate things so much, by insisting on immediate answers from a God who "for a thousand years in thy sight are as but yesterday when it is past", Psalm 90:4a. I must remember Isaiah 55:8, when it states, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."

God has a reason for delaying a request. He is omniscient. He knows our lives from the beginning to the end. He may be saving me from an early death, or health complications due to taking a drug I have no idea would be detrimental to my health.

I will restate: God found it necessary to bring me to a place where I was completely at the bottom, and would only lean on Him,  before I could understand this concept. I pray this little slice of my life will offer hope and encouragement to many and also keep others from falling into the trap of using the reasoning of their own minds in the area of medication, especially anti-depressants and anxiety meds.

Remember, I am the one who wrote the way out of depression was God's way out, not medication. If I was able to slip back into the reasoning of my own mind and medication to eleviate a problem, I am sure others can also.

My advice to those struggling with these issues is this: Find one person to use as an emergency prayer partner, and when those times come up in your life, call that person and ask for prayer for God's will in your life. Ask others as well. Then follow the steps I have outlined in my article on depression. I am putting into practice what I have just suggested, and it is amazing how God will redirect my thinking. No, my problems don't go away overnight, but with God's strength and others encouragement, I can get through trying periods in my life without medication.

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