Titus 2 Men And Women

Surviving Winter Emotions
Or Get A Prayer Buddy
by Denise Lower

Mary lived in a small Midwestern town with her family which consisted of her husband, George,   Mary and three children; Al, 12, Sophie, 8 and little Beth, 2.   Her husband was employed at one of the local factories and she stayed home with the children, content to be that "keeper at home" and grateful that her husband’s job supplied them with enough income so she did not need to go outside the home to work.   Mary read her Bible daily, participated in some church ministries and really believed God was leading in her family’s life.

During July, she began shopping for the Christmas holidays at one of the local "Christmas in July" sales.   She started a stack of gifts for their own family and for extended relatives in the attic, and began to anticipate the Christmas holidays with excitement.

Just the next month in August, when the Halloween decorations began appearing in the stores, Mary picked up some Harvest decorations and thought to herself, "My goodness, it just seems like these holidays come faster and sooner each year".   The scarecrow and pumpkins she purchased were right next to the "Back to School" layaway special, so while she was there, she picked up some school clothes for Al and Sophie, put them in layaway and on second thought, grabbed a snowsuit for Beth and put that in layaway too.

During September, after the two older children were safely in school during the day, Mary began choosing recipes for the Christmas cookies she wanted to bake to mail to relatives in other states.   Then, she helped plan the Holiday bazaar for the church and the Christmas Festival at the grade school. With many projects on her plate, Mary chose to eliminate choir and teaching Sunday School from her busy schedule.   After all, she had stuck it out during the birth of little Beth and now she felt she deserved a "break". 

Almost daily, it seemed like one of the neighborhood children knocked on her door with a box of Christmas baubles to sell as a fundraiser, or with a sign-up sheet to order cookie dough or pecan crunch.   Mary ordered and bought what she could to help them out and turned back to her own kitchen, with cookies underway to be frozen until the time came to mail them.

October arrived with the usual hustle and bustle of fall leaves and costume preparation.   The products and goodies Mary had purchased from the neighbor children also arrived, and those were put away in the attic for the children’s stockings or placed in the freezer to mail later.   Midway through October, Mary went to the fabric store and purchased the material and other things necessary for all three children’s costumes, pulled out her sewing machine, placed it on the kitchen table beside the holiday baking and feverishly began cranking out a little angel costume for Beth, a Raggedy Ann costume for Sophie and a pirate one for Al........even though she thought he was getting a little too old for all this.

Almost as an afterthought, Mary realized it had been several days since she had read her Bible, following the daily Bible reading schedule she had found online.   Oh, well, she would "catch up" later, after all, the holidays only came once a year.

The first day of November, the day right after Halloween, Mary was in the store and saw the new Jell-O molds for Thanksgiving in the shape of a pumpkin and decided they would look nice on her Harvest table, so she purchased them, hoping to remember to put the directions WITH the mold, so she could remember how to make it look the same way as on the front of the box.   She also picked up the whole walnuts, pecans and chestnuts for Christmas and some of the wrapping paper that was on sale.

The middle of November found Mary sewing yet more costumes for the Pilgrim festival which both of the older children were in, along with little Beth, the littlest pilgrim.   Thanksgiving Day was not as peaceful as Mary would have liked it to be, the pumpkin mold directions must have gotten lost in the wrapping paper, the stuffing was dry and she couldn’t find the sheaves of wheat taper candles amongst all the glossy ads for the fast approaching Christmas season......and what WAS she going to get George this Christmas anyway, was her thought as she looked for the whipped topping to put on the pumpkin pie. During her musings, she realized she really was missing her time with the church ministries, and promised herself that she would call the church as soon as Christmas was over and take her Sunday School class back.   But right now, it was getting these holiday things organized for her family that really mattered.

The day AFTER Thanksgiving George volunteered to watch little Beth while the other two children played out in the snow, so Mary could get up early and be at the stores at 7:00 am when the doors opened.   She knew it would be the ONLY chance to get that video game Al wanted and Sophie wanted that doll set too.   She set the alarm for 5:30 am, left the house at 6:00am, and when she got to the mall, found a line of people that almost reached around the entire place. 

After standing in line for an hour, she was nearly crushed as she entered the toy store, to only discover both the video game and doll set sold out.......with no rain checks available.....Mary spent the rest of the day scouting the huge 3 story mall for alternate gifts, but everything was so picked over, she finally gave up, went home, threw a frozen pizza in the oven, drew a hot bath for her aching feet, and sat in the tub and cried.......She had no idea why she was crying, but this feeling had been creeping up on her for months, and she felt if she didn’t let out some of the frustration she was feeling, she would explode.   George put the kids to bed that night as Mary crawled into bed, exhausted.   Still too tired by Saturday night, they decided to skip services the next morning and Mary slept right through the alarm clock.

The entire month of December was one disappointment after another.   The second week, the impossible happened, George was laid off from his job at the local factory due to foreign price gouging, which left him home during the day, Mary’s time to get things accomplished for the coming Christmas season. Everything got behind.   George called the pastor and spoke to him on the phone and the church added them to the prayer list.   Pastor tried to get them to agree to come to the Christmas program, but George was uncertain about making the commitment with Mary in her present state of mind and so busy with everything else.

They had to buy a tree, they needed new lights for the outside so they could WIN that light contest sponsored by the Chamber, relatives from Canada decided to visit this year, what would they give THEM.....how would they afford it?   Mary found herself spending more and more time in bed, just staring into space and crying, alternately, since George was home to mind the children.

Christmas came and went with Mary just barely there.   Oh, she put on a happy face for everyone, especially the relatives from Canada, but she just couldn’t stop this feeling of despair and gloom......WHAT was wrong with her???   Grateful for Christmas night, Mary crawled in to bed and vowed that next year would be different. Her last thought was they did not read the Christmas story from Luke 2 this year, like they did every year.   What in the world was happening to her world?

Two days after Christmas, a monster snowstorm dumped 2 feet of snow on the city where George and Mary lived.   The children were already bored with their new toys, and Mary was disappointed that they did not appreciate all her extra efforts of decorating and baking.   It seemed they just weren’t satisfied with ANYTHING.   The temperature dropped to below zero right after the storm, preventing anyone from playing in all that lovely snow, and then Sophie came down with the flu, which of course was passed on to everyone else in the house, that seemed to get smaller and smaller each day.   School began a week later than normal due to the weather after the winter break and Al ran away from home for a short period of time.

The New Years Eve party that Mary had so lovingly planned for the Canadian visitors did not take place due to the water pipes that had frozen and burst, causing a flood in the basement and no water in the house.   As Mary packed away the funny hats and noisemakers, she thought, "What in the world is life about, anyway, it is just useless to try to do anything, why do I bother?"

The new year started like the old one ended, this time with an emergency run to the hospital with little Beth, who couldn’t quite get over that flu bug, which had turned into pneumonia.   The members of the church helped out by bringing in meals, but many ladies noticed the disarray in Mary’s normally immaculate home.   Two weeks later, they allowed Beth to come home with a breathing machine, many medications and strict instructions about how to care for her now damaged lungs.   During all this, Mary had begun losing weight, and her and George waited until the kids were   in bed before they started their nightly arguing, which always escalated into terrible fights, sometimes physical.

By the end of January and her birthday, Mary did not even look like herself.   She had lost 25 pounds, quit dying her hair, the family had stopped attending church completely and Mary wore the same pair of sweat pants as she moped through the house.

George had applied for work everywhere he could, to no avail.   Al came back home, with new music in his bag, a weird haircut and some really scary friends. Sophie stayed in her room all the time, silent as a mouse and little Beth looked like a little ghost, frail and thin and white. Bibles remained on shelves and good Christian music was replaced with the worldly kind, blaring from the radio almost continuously.

February was supposed to be the month for lovers, but this was the month George chose to leave Beth, the kids and his home, not able to take it anymore.   No one heard from him for many weeks, Mary struggled every day, just to get the kids ready for school, then fell back in to bed until their return, rising only to make sure Beth had not hurt herself and feeding her occasionally.

On February 14^th, Beth watched TV while lying in bed, as was her usual routine and saw some beautiful couple holding hands, enjoying a romantic dinner by candlelight.   Something inside her snapped.   She glanced over and under the nightstand was a broken Christmas ornament, lying beside her dust covered Bible.   She could bear it no more.

The older children found their mother’s body in the bathroom after school that day.   After the usual procession of authorities through the house, a neighbor was heard to say, "I wonder what happened there? She was such a good mother, and they seemed so religious."

The above of course is a fictitious account of a life lost in the shuffle of the holidays, however, I would like to present a theory about why there are so many suicides, marital problems, runaways, drop-outs and many other relationship and personal problems directly after the Christmas and New Year’s holidays.

We have just passed a "religious" holiday where most of the Judeo-Christian world honors the birth of Jesus Christ, the Saviour of the world.   People have focused their minds on "Christian" things for a while and then Satan comes along, the jealous monster that he is, and steals all that away with financial problems, relationship difficulties and just plain doom and gloom.

There is such an emotional build up for the last 3-4 months of the year, things get to almost a   fever pitch.   We are trained, YEA, brainwashed basically from infancy with all this hype for ONE DAY, then, we are left with an emotional vacuum, almost like the stillness of space, in the coldest, darkest, slowest months of the year.

I realize this dark cold part does not apply to all parts of this country, or other parts of the world, however I do have friends in Australia and the hype and build up, the anticipation, if you please, is the same there also.   We have managed to Americanize (commercialize) Christmas for the entire rest of the world --- with the same devastating effects that occur in the months afterward here.

We spend MONTHS preparing our homes, both inside and out.   We hear Christmas ads beginning in JUNE and JULY.   We take out Christmas club accounts at our banks in January, just so we can afford all the baubles in December.   Most rehearsals for Christmas productions whether Christian or secular, begin WAY before the snow hits the ground here in the Midwest. It is all hurry, hurry, rush, rush............then after January 1^st........CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT GOD HAS GIVEN ME A PLAN FOR MY LIFE I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU.

This plan is two-fold.

1. Get a prayer buddy --- partner --- accountability person --- comrade --- it doesn’t matter what you call them, GET ONE (sort of like what Woody says in Toy Story about getting a moving buddy......if you don’t have one, GET ONE.)

My Bible tells me "For where TWO or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them." Matthew 18:20.   Sometimes I need to ask myself if I believe that.   Is the Bible true? Can God lie?   Then if the Bible IS true and God can’t lie, what does that verse mean? You mean if I pray with just one other person, God is right there with us?   WOW, what power!!   I also understand and KNOW that I can approach the throne of grace at ANY time by myself and Jesus is there interceding for me (I Tim. 2:5)

There is also the verse in Gal 6:2, "Bear ye ONE ANOTHER’S burdens".   In Matthew 5:41, Jesus says, "And whosever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain."    Roman law at that time was such that any person in authority could ask a citizen to carry his bags for one mile.   Jesus simply stated that if we were asked to do that, we should not only go one mile, but two.   Probably where the saying, "Go the extra mile" came from.   The word "bear" in the latter verse means   "carry" ........simply carry each others burdens.......not if you feel like it, or if you have time, or when you want to.......just carry each others burdens.   So if we put these two verses together, we see a beautiful word picture of not only someone carrying someone else’s burden one mile, but two.

I understand the verse in Galatians 6:5 to read, "For every man shall bear his OWN burden".   The word "bear" in this verse means "to put upon oneself to be carried", meaning I am responsible for my own burdens.   But adding the verse in Galatians 6:2, puts everything in a different light.   We need to carry our own burdens, but sometimes those burdens will get too heavy for us to carry by ourselves, and then we can ask OTHERS to help us carry those burdens. Or if another person SEES that our burdens are becoming grievous, they might want to just step in and help us carry the load.

When making arrangements for a Prayer Buddy, make this a two way partnership.   Don’t just call them when you need them, make arrangements to have that person contact you and check on YOU.....PRAY with you....over the phone, via email, cell phone, regular phone, a visit in a coffee shop, anyway that you can think of.   There are plenty of methods of communication in this day and age.

It is difficult for most of us to initiate a conversation about our own problems, especially if they are personal, or if they are something Satan has used as a stronghold of silence with us, so he can have more power in our lives.   But there is something about someone asking US if we are ok......do we need any special prayer cover??? Ladies, if we uncover those needs to the light of day it is AMAZING what God can do.   Satan CANNOT abide where there is light, and if you have uncovered a need to the light of day, and to the marvelous light of Jesus Christ, Satan WILL flee and your problems will be more easily solved.

SOOOOO, get a Prayer Buddy, make a very comprehensive contact schedule for the next two months.....AND pray to God you will stick to it. You will be amazed when you start to see Satan’s little plans to defeat you....phone lines down, computers confused, schedules changed.......but don’t let that stop you, try to always have a plan B. I have been known to have to go all the way to plan Z before the devil gave up!

God WILL get the victory when you seek to honor and obey HIM.....not your emotions, your flesh or just the whims of your life.

2. Do something with your hands (for the craft challenged, there is an alternative plan).

This is the "nuts and bolts" or logical side of this plan. One side spiritual, one side temporal.   It is much like Spock from the old Star Trek series, a highly logical being, and I think old Spock would approve.

While lying awake the last night at my Daddy’s this Christmas holiday, unable to sleep due to a terrific bout with some type of stomach virus, I was crying out to God.   After yet another emotion wracked time with my family, I found myself seeking God’s wonderful throne of grace.....and dreading the return trip home the next day.   My whole body and soul had what I call the feeling of being "jangled".....my nerves were shot, I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I had a 5 hour drive ahead of me with just a 6 year old for company.

I began plotting and planning the next few weeks with great dread due to many trials in our family and I was sort of whining to God, complaining about the long, dark days, why couldn’t I have been born in Florida, or moved to California?   I moaned about the many short days and long nights to come, when God impressed upon me a series of books I had read by Janette Oke, her Canadian West series.   The woman in these books, Elizabeth, I believe, endured MANY long, cold, winter months BY HERSELF in a snowy Canadian wilderness by KEEPING HER HANDS BUSY.

  I know we have all heard "Idle hands are the devils’ workshop" and looking back at my own life, I don’t think a truer statement has ever been made.   If I sit and reflect on the past, mope and sigh about what could have been and fret about what can’t be, I AM ALLOWING SATAN A HUGE ENTRANCE into my thought life.   And that is where EVERYTHING starts, in the mind (Romans 12:2).   II Cor. 10:5 states, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."   Proverbs 23:7a   also says "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."    THINK of other things to do than to just mope about....have your family members remind you of your "projects" in case you get too down to remind yourself.   Involve others in your life.   Isolation is deadly this time of year.

I wonder what I could do or get accomplished if I planned January and February like I planned November and December? I have two sets of suggestions for this, one for the "crafty" and/or stay at home lady and one for the "craft-challenged" or someone who works outside of the home.  

For those of us who have more projects started in number than those who crossed the Red Sea (and you KNOW who you are) let’s take out ONE project at a time, FINISH IT, then start another one or finish one that is already started.   Maybe you might want to start with the project that is closest to being done, which would give you a sense of accomplishment right away!   Maybe a day or two a few hours a day and WA-LA.....that cross-stitched bib you started for your now 6 year old niece is finally done and you can lay it aside, save it, and give it to the lady who sits in the pew a few rows in front of you who is due next month.....NOW you are a project AHEAD, don’t you feel proud of yourself?   Do you see where I am going with this?

Or maybe you want to learn rubber-stamping.  Get a starter kit, borrow some stamps and some pads from someone and LEARN and MAKE next year’s Christmas cards, put them away......ANOTHER PROJECT AHEAD!!!! For the busiest time of year.....aren’t you smart?

Is Aunt Mary’s birthday next month?  Wouldn’t it thrill her to receive something from you, that you made with your own hands?  Pull out something you started YEARS ago for someone else, finish it and take it to her birthday celebration next month with a sense of satisfaction, not defeat, like you did last year, with that little store bought potpourri jar.

Rethink who and why you started all those projects and just reorder who you are doing them for, sort of a new slant on an old theme.

For those of you who work, or are craft challenged, take these months to start doing your spring cleaning early.  Maybe categorize everything in your house or your cupboards, reorganize all your videos, magazines, cassette tapes and cd’s, take a good look at your summer and winter clothing, throw out what you haven’t worn in a long time, make a list of things you do need.   Write TWO letters a week (land mail), send thank you notes, start a daily diary or journal, start a ladies Bible study, or begin attending one.......in fact, sit down and make a list of all the things you wish you had the time to do, pick just ONE thing at a time and do it!

Use January and February (and maybe even March if you live in an area like I do where it is cold, dark and snowy until at least April), to plan outdoor things for the Spring.  I just received my first seed catalog in the mail last week, why not spend some time planning your vegetable or flower garden?  Cut out and stick different pictures on your frig or other places of some ideas you like, bring a little of the spring colors inside!

The women in pioneer times even knitted or did some form of handwork as they sat and visited..........that Proverbs 31 woman was ALWAYS busy doing for her family or others, and I don’t remember reading one thing about a downcast spirit in her......and I KNOW the suicide rate was NOT as high then as it is now.

I am sure if you sat down and thought about it long enough, you could even come up with some really great ideas of your own.  These are not meant to be all encompassing, but sometimes I know I need a kick start when it comes to thinking, especially when I am having an emotional time.

Let me sum up this survival plan for January and February.

1. Get a Prayer Buddy
2. Get a Project

Today’s society has taught us that we need to be entertained and not DO anything.  I have discussed this malady in another article, so I will not belabor the subject.  However, I believe the lack of activity, especially activity that involves the brain, is one of the tools Satan is using to defeat even the Christians.  All you need to do is look at the suicide, divorce and runaway rates in the next two months.  Help yourself to a much brighter spring and summer, and enjoy those projects.

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