Titus 2 Men And Women

WANTED: Women For Full-Time Ministry Work In The Home
by Denise Lower

There is a cry among church people everywhere for Titus 2 women to come forward and mentor younger Christian women.

Articles fill newspapers and magazines, "experts" appear on talk shows daily, trying to solve the problems of today’s society as it relates to the family in the areas of child rearing, marriage, divorce, etc.

Why is there this concern for families today? What can we do to get back to family values? Where have we gone wrong? Actually, if you listen close enough, nobody is admitting any wrongdoing, everybody wants to blame everybody else and we’re all looking at each other for the answers, instead of looking inside ourselves and to the God of the Bible.

I am going out on a limb here and will say something that I am sure a great number of you will come up with exceptions for. I believe if the woman of the home would look at her husband, family and home as her FIRST and PRIMARY ministry, we would have less problems in families today. Any verse in Proverbs 31: 10-31 tells us just that.

I also have a little theory, all my own that I know of, that supposes that the base and root of relationship problems, is caused by what I call the Satanic Wall of Selfishness.

SOOOO, if I put these two "theories" together, I come to the conclusion that the reason I, as the woman of the home, will not consider my family as my primary ministry, is because I have constructed a Satanic Wall of Selfishness around me.

I WANT a bigger house, a nicer car, better schools for my children, a nice vacation at least once a year, a beautiful wardrobe, basically all the trappings of the "good life".

But WHERE did I learn that? Is it Bible? Does it follow God’s priority list of: God first, then my husband, then my children, then my home, then any ministry I’m involved in, THEN "other pursuits? No where in Ephesians 5:22 through 6:18, does it allow for a woman to allow a position OUTSIDE the home to come BEFORE the needs, wants or desires of her husband, children or family.

I say, "Well there is nothing wrong with having nice things........God did not say that was sinful". I Timothy talks about the LOVE of money being the root of all evil, not the money itself. "And even though I work, I just work part-time and I still fulfill all my ministry obligations".    However, I need to ask myself the question "Am I completely fulfilling the obligations of my FIRST MINISTRY, my home, ultimately, my husband, family and home.

I grew up in a generation of plenty. I also grew up in a generation of transition, where many women were leaving the full-time work and calling in their homes for full-time careers outside the home.

I know a certain number of these women who NEED to work, and this is NOT the category of women I am speaking about here. I myself fell into that category for a NUMBER of years, as a single parent. But I also see many who have made it their CHOICE to work outside the home. I need to ask myself this question whenever I am presented with this type of a situation.

Is this a GOOD choice for me and my family, or is this the BEST choice? What would God say if I could ask Him that question? Well, dear friend, I CAN ask Him that question, just by going to Him in prayer and asking HIM which choice I should make. He WILL answer, I just sometimes don’t like what I hear.

I John 5:14 b states "....if we ask any thing ACCORDING TO HIS WILL, he heareth us:" I know sometimes when I want something really bad, I leave out part of that verse, according to His will. Also, the remainder of that verse simply states "he hears" us. It does not say he will grant us our wishes like some genie out of a bottle.

I am convinced, after seeing television, billboards, magazines, newspapers, media of ALL types and movies, that I am being sold a bill of goods. THEY all tell me I cannot live without this certain thing, or that special whatever. I find if I happen to catch a few minutes of television, and view commercials for any length of time, I want to go home and throw rocks at my house, my wardrobe AND my family.

I used to say, "Oh, that stuff will not affect me, I’m stronger than that, I know what I can take". However, I noticed every week, after getting that little flyer in the mail from Wal-Mart or K-Mart or whatever Mart was having a "sale", that I would mentally walk through those ad pages and start WANTING what I did not have. Or maybe I really NEEDED it and it became the most important thing for me to GET THAT ITEM right then, to the exclusion of all else.

I heard a sermon one time on desire and lust, using James 1:15 as it’s reference. ("Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death"). The speaker who brought the message made a statement that I will never forget.....He said that if you have a problem "wanting" something, then don’t put yourself into a position to want it.

Well, if I wanted that doo-dad or even a different whatchamacallit every time I looked at those flyers, maybe I ought not look at those little flyers. So, whenever one would come in the mail, I would not even open it, I would just throw it into the trash can.

That sounds so severe you say, couldn’t you just control yourself? Psalm 101:3a states " I will set no wicked thing before my eyes".......if lusting is a sin and looking at something causes me to WANT it (lust), then would you agree with me that that would be a wicked thing?

I applied that same theory to what I watched on tv, but I am sure there are many other areas you can think of where this type of technique would apply. It didn’t take me long to figure out that whenever I saw that ad for that house, or that vacation, or that car, or even that plastic bin on sale at the Dollar Store, I had much the same reaction I had when I looked at those little flyers that came in the mail.

So, I thought, I would just turn off the tv when commercials came on. But that feeling remained. Even in the most innocuous of sitcoms, I see things others have that make them look like "they" are happier than I am. Have you ever noticed the bathrooms in any of those shows, if they happen to show them? I mean, I’m talking about the ads for a cleaning product on the toilet that doesn’t even look like it NEEDS a cleaning product. I don’t know about you, but I think I would have to scrub the floors, sink and tub three times a day, or never make use of those items, to make them look as wonderful as they are there.

Hollywood often advertises it’s newest family situation comedy as "down to earth" or "real life". Have you ever seen a show with the new puppy AND the chewed up sofa and, well, you know, it’s "oops" on the floor? Or the laundry room the way it REALLY looks in YOUR home, with cat food scattered on the floor along WITH the kitty litter AND last months science project on the utility table, right next to the saw your hubby used on last summers project?

I KNOW I am not talking to any Martha Stewart’s out there, and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure something I’ve got in my living room or kitchen has her label on it, so I LIKE Martha Stewart, I just know that the other 98% of us live in reality, not a tv set, and I don’t think we realize what a subtle pull this has had on MANY of us, me included.

Video media is VERY subtle. I think God knew that, and David knew that back when he wrote that Psalm. Many commercials and shows play background music. How many times has a song come on, and you can remember EXACTLY where you were and what you were doing, even a certain smell in the room, when you first heard that music?

Print media puts an indelible impression on your mind. How many times have you seen something horrifying, and you just can’t get it out of your mind? It just keeps coming back. I have a TERRIBLE memory of a picture of a brain I saw as a young person. I cannot shake that image in my mind. Whenever I get sick, for some strange reason, that image comes back into my mind.

Romans 12:2 states "And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God". I feel that if I am constantly wanting what I see in front of me, that I am conforming to this world, and that is not pleasing to my God.

Now at this point, many of you are thinking, "Boy, this woman has absolutely NO self-control, what can I learn from a person with such lack of character?". Well, I thought that about myself too, for awhile. 

I guess I can put it to you this way. If someone TOLD me there was a person in the next room with a gun, and that if I went into that room, chances are 50/50 that that person would shoot at me and kill me, would I peek around the corner, just to SEE if there really was a person in there with a gun, to make sure whoever told me this wasn’t lying? Well, perhaps some of you would, but I would venture to guess that MOST of us would NOT enter that room, in fact, most of us would probably not even peek.

I guess that is the way I feel about those silly ads. Now, I use those ads just as an example, because EVERYONE knows what I am talking about, but you could put just about ANYTHING that you have a problem with in it’s place. 

How about when you go on a diet? My husband and I just recently decided to change our eating habits. We are both a little overweight, not getting any younger, and still have a six year old who needs both parents to be healthy for a while longer.

My husband INSISTS there be NO junk food in the house during this time. I, on the other hand, don’t see a problem with keeping the occasional bag of chips on the frig or box of cookies in the pantry, (for the boys, of course). My hubby sees this as direct sabotage to what we are trying to do. I don’t seem to have as much trouble with self-control in THIS area as he does, so a discussion ensued. (Fancy way to say we had words over this) 

HOWEVER, when I look back on other times, and when I am completely honest with myself, as well as my husband, I have to admit there were times when I DID indulge in the "boys" cookies or chips. Would that have happened if they were not there? Probably not. Did I sabotage a "diet" that may have "worked" this time.......YES!!!!!

SO, guess what? The cookies and chips are GONE, and I am sure the "boys" will survive. One of them is old enough to drive himself to the store and get a treat for BOTH of them, and they will probably be healthier for it.

I let you peek into our home life a little to help you understand just how SUBTLY our good intentions can be broken down, and how stubborn we can be about even the littlest of things. My Bible says in I Samuel 15:23b ".....and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry". I have to think, is it worth it to be THAT stubborn, which is as bad as idolatry, over something that as my girlfriend’s mother always said, "A hundred years from now, we’ll know anything about"?

Our preacher shared something with us this past Wednesday evening, a concept and method of fighting the devil that I will NEVER forget, and I do believe it is the key to overcoming.

He told us that when Satan comes to us and tempts us with something, that we are to "refer him to our Jesus", because it is IN CHRIST and His righteousness that we are able to resist sin, not of ourselves, Titus 3:5 a&b, "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us".

We are not to stand there and say, "Go ahead, devil, bring on what you’ve got, I can take it........I cannot be tempted with anything you have to offer"..........that in itself, is a lie from Satan, and it is PRIDE. I John 2:16, "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the WORLD", of which Satan is the prince and ruler of. Pastor used the verse, "agree with thine adversary quickly", Matt 5:25, and Satan is our adversary, is he not?

OF COURSE I am going to be tempted, but if I don’t admit that, that is where the devil has me.........constantly trying to fight those temptations..........IN THE POWER OF MY OWN MIGHT. The answer is to simply ACKNOWLEDGE that I am tempted, but then send Satan directly to JESUS, who cannot be overcome by temptation. Matt.4:1-11. That is exactly what Jesus did when Satan tempted him directly after His baptism. Jesus, who was fully God, but also fully man, QUOTED HIS WORD to Satan..........he referred ole smutty face to GOD........and let God fight His battle.....by the way, GOD WON.

Do I not think that the same method would work for me in my daily life? If I ACKNOWLEDGE that I really, really WANT that new lamp that I see the picture of in that little flyer, and then send the devil, along with that desire, straight to Jesus, do I not believe that Jesus can win over Satan, and take that desire away? HOWEVER, how much further along would I be, if I just acknowledged that I have a problem with wanting those things I don’t have, not set them before my eyes, and not have to use all that energy and brain space in fighting that problem, with or without Jesus?

I think WAY too many times, we fool ourselves into thinking we are stronger than what we really are, and actually, it is SATAN who is whispering in our ear, "Hath God REALLY said", Gen 3:1, and we say, "well, no, not really" and then we spend the rest of our lives, or a significant amount of time, picking up the pieces and figuring things out........How much further ahead would I be, if I would just be honest with myself and ADMIT I can’t resist everything that comes along?

I would like to try to tie this all together now. I began by stating that women need to get back to making the husbands, families, and homes their PRIMARY and FIRST ministry. I believe that if you are a married lady, it is your CALLING,( I Cor. 7:20, "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called") to minister to your family, the way the Proverbs 31 woman did. I do not believe God honors my position as a wife or mother, if I change my mind half way through the duty of my "calling".

I stated that some women make the CHOICE to work outside the home that is not necessarily a BAD choice, but it is not the BEST choice, nor, (MY belief here), God’s choice. I believe I, as a woman in today’s society, have been swayed by media, tv and the like, to feel I need "things" to make me feel fulfilled and happy.

I have been a "stay at home, retired from a career mom" now for a little over 7 years. I have seen this world from BOTH sides and ladies, it is NOT all the media hype makes it out to be. Another fear I have is that as we leave the home, we leave our children unprotected from the evils of this world.

Other people, tv, movies, MUSIC, peer groups, all combine to show a child left at home that THIS is the way you should be. THEY love you, THEY never leave you, so why would that child even CONSULT with the absent parent about a choice he or she is about to make?

Ladies, our families need US to serve them as our most important ministry. WE need to be the ones to form those opinions about good and evil and right and wrong, and no youth group, school or church activity can replace the mother in the home when it comes to THAT type of teaching.

Ladies, bring your ministries home. Let your husband be the head that protects you, so you in turn can be the covering that protects those precious children. Abuse statistics are at alarming rates, and those stats are just from those who have revealed what has happened to them in the past.........how many more are out there?

When we first began this website, I knew abuse was a problem, but I had NO idea to what extent and in what proportions this was a problem IN THE CHURCH. I even began to think that I was one of the only ones who did NOT come from an abusive background, like I had this HUGE wart on my nose was raised on another planet.

I am grateful for the pasts that God has allowed in my life, but I am MOST grateful for a mother, who stayed the course, through a difficult marriage of her own, and STAYED at home, in her ministry there, and raised my sister and I safely. I thank God for a mother who, even though she COULD have chosen to leave the home and be a single mom, or even just leave the home and work and make a "better" life for us, chose "the good part", like the story of Mary and Martha with Jesus. My mother CHOSE her ministry, and that was us, her husband, her two daughters, her family and HER HOME.

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