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My girl friends and my sister-in-law all thought I should have an abortion. I discussed it with my doctor and my mother, who had to be involved because I was a minor. The doctor explained the proceedure to me and made the appointment at the clinic. The baby's father went a little 'nuts' when I told him my plan. Our friendship went from cheap threats to actual violence rather quickly. In the end, though, he agreed to pay for the abortion, gave my mother the money, and never spoke to me again.

My mother took me to the clinic and everything went the way it was suppose to. I went back to school the next week and no one ever brought it up again. Not any of my friends or a single member of my family has ever mentioned the abortion. It was conveniently forgotten by everyone; forgotten by everyone except me!

My child would have been 14 in March of this year. I usually think of this baby as a boy, and strangely I do consider him one of my children. I think of how very naïve I was; how little I knew about life back then. I regret how I handled the father. He had been very supportive of me in earlier days, and I broke his heart by destroying his child. I look at my children now and sincerely hope that he found a way to get past it. That he has all the happiness he deserves in life.

When the word "abortion" is brought up in conversation the reactions tend to be widely varied and are often hard to predict. In any group of women you could hear:
"It's a fine legal form of birth control."
"It's OK, in cases of rape, incest, or when the life of the mother is at risk."
"Never, it's taking a human life. Murder."
The variety and vehemence of opinion has made it hard for most women, and by women I mean any female capable of concieving a child, to seek out allies. Without allies, women end up suffering with their feelings of shame and fear in silence.

There is a tremendous amount of hatred generated by those who fall into the "Never" category. Because of the prejudice, not prejudice of color or creed, but prejudice just the same most of us hide, or deny, or speak in whispers to friends. We are afraid of being judged for the option we chose and not for who we are or who we have become. We are scared and saddened.

There is no outward signs that a woman has had an abortion-no scars or marks. The girl who's labeled a "tramp" may never have had one but the girl "next door" just may have. You might never know unless you non-judgmentally ask the right questions.

Behind every woman who has an abortion there is a story that led her to that choice. The story may be painful, mis-directed, or heartbreaking. Don't we all have painful stories? I know I have others besides my abortion. All of us have had broken hearts and crushed feelings. All of us have made mistakes. It is important to listen, to try to learn, and to grow from the experiences of those around us. Take what others can give us and give back caring and understanding.

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