Titus 2 Men And Women

Scarred And Abused
by Raymond Johns

I don't ever remember not being interested in girls, but as a young boy I was taught that I would be punished if I did not behave as a proper young man was expected to behave.

Besides being the youngest child in the family, I was also small for my age. I always wanted to be one of the "big boys". This may have made me more vulnerable than some; it certainly made me want to please the other guys. While playing hide and seek when I was about 5 years old, I attempted to hide in a place that was already occupied. It was there that an older boy first exposed me to sexual activity. In my innocence I had no idea what was happening; only that finally one of the older boys wanted to be my friend! While this was the first time I was assaulted, unfortunately, it would not be the last.

Not meaning to accuse my parents, I must add that I did try to tell them what was happening to me. The only words that I could use were "I want to go with you. He always hurts me." My parents felt I was just trying to get to go with them and did not question how I was being hurt…over time I gave up trying to tell.

I had no idea the impact that my early abuse would have on my life. I learned to accept what happened and to remain silent. The year I was 12, I was helping in a children's church program. One Sunday, an older boy and I were working with a group of 2 and 3 year olds. That evening, my father and I were called into the pastor's office where I was accused of exposing myself to one of the girls in the class that morning. I sat mute! I hadn't been asked if anything unusual had happened. I hadn't been asked for any explanation. I hadn't been asked if it was true or if there could have been a mistaken identity: I had been accused. The other boy that had been in the room that morning was never questioned about the incident. I do believe the girl's innocence was violated, it just wasn't me that caused the violation.

In an attempt to encourage me to confess my sin, my Pastor said that if I didn't confess my sin and get right with God I would end up in prison by the time I was eighteen. I would not confess. My Pastor also promised that no one else would ever be told about what I had done. Perhaps not surprisingly, he was unable to keep that promise. Within a couple of weeks, I was invited to join some of the older church boys, including relatives of Pastor's, for an afternoon of fishing. When I showed up at the appointed location, I was beaten and kicked by the teenage boys as they made repeated referrence to me being a child molester and a pervert. Much later in the evening, when I returned home, I told my parents that I had wiped out on my bike.

Over the next several months, I faced criminal charges, psychiatric evaluation, a trial and conviction. For two years I met weekly with a Christian psychiatrist and regularly saw my parole officer.

I vowed that I would never again allow myself to be in a position where I could be hurt. If I remained standoffish any future false accusations would not hurt. It was also at about this time that I hit a growth spurt and I was no longer the little guy.

My family moved to another town and I assumed that with a new Church and new school my past was behind me; instead my past had run ahead of me. The principal of my new high school let me know immediately that I had been labeled a 'bad kid' and that he would tolerate nothing. In typical teenage fashion, I decided to see what I could do and not get caught. If I got caught, at least the principal wouldn't be disappointed!

I had been assaulted, accused, betrayed and beaten; in my pain I sought escape in the world. Nothing I could do would give me back my childhood or erase my pain. It has been over twenty years since my first assault, yet at times the waves of pain still roll over me.

It would be nice to tell you that everything is blissful in my life, instead let me tell you that God is still working in and on me. When I realized that I could not run from the pain, I returned to the Savior I had accepted as a child. Only Jesus Christ can remove our pain and heal our scars.

I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world. God has blessed us richly with a beautiful daughter and two equally handsome sons. The heartache of holding my dead fourteen-month-old son in my arms when God called him home got my attention. I have begun seriously reading my Bible and seeking God's direction in my life. It is my prayer that the pain I have endured will make me a stronger Christian; a better husband and more loving father.

James 1:3-8
"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.
A double minded man is unstable in all his ways."

The effects of my early molestation and later accusation have left a residue on my life. I do not know what it is like to hold, hug, kiss or show affection to my 20+ nieces and nephews because to this day I am afraid of accusations. I still find myself, in fear, holding back certain touches of love for my own children. I keep a fairly tight lid on my emotions and this effects my whole family, yet slowly, day by day…my heart is opening a little more. I don't have all the answers. I'm not a therapist. I am a victim and I am a survivor…but most important of all, I am a Christian.

Let me share with you my thought as a survivor and as a parent. Remember, that any of us can be led by Satan into any sin. Satan is devious and chooses to destroy.

1Peter 5:8
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"

1. As a parent you must look at your child as a potential sex object. Now most of you have your chin laying on the floor after that statement but I guarantee someone you know or someone your child knows looks at him or her that way. As a parent you need to be aware of how your child is dressed. Is it revealing? Does the outfit draw attention to the child's chest or hips? If you don't notice…the wrong person just might.
   
   
2. Keep an open line of communication with you child. Make sure your child knows that you are interested and involved in their life. That your child is so important to your that no matter what they want to discuss, you are willing to LISTEN and to teach them.
   
   
3. SEX is not a dirty word! A child's curiosity in all things grows as they grow. You must talk to your child repeatedly as their understanding and interest develop. If you don't teach your child about sex, someone else will. Is that a risk you are willing to take with you child's innocence? A large percentage of pedophiles are never reported simply because the child is afraid to tell. Teach your child in a way that they understand.
   
   
4. Follow the example of a mama bear…don't allow anyone to mess with your child. It is not the preacher's, youth pastor's, Sunday school teacher's, day care provider's, or school staff's responsibility to raise and protect your child~it is your responsibility. Psalm 127:3-5
   
   
5. Be Aware! If you have a bad feeling about someone who is with your child, follow your instinct and remove your child from the situation. You may offend someone, more importantly you may protect your child from irreparable damage. Teach your child to be aware of his surroundings. If your child tells you someone makes them feel weird, scared, or creepy…LISTEN to them! God gave us instincts to help protect us. An innocent child has not submerged his instincts in an attempt to be socially acceptable.
   
   
6. Who is a child molester? As a society we don't want to believe it but a molester can be anyone. Your pastor, neighbor, teacher, principal, policeman, fireman, doctor, dentist, grandpa, grandma, uncle, aunt, cousin, or friend. A child molester is a predator who has assumed the camouflage of respectable society in order to prey on the innocent. Watch the eyes of people who are around your child. Does their sight rest on areas associated with intimacy? Does their hand rest too long on a child or slip across a child instead of lifting off of a child? All people who work with children are not pedophiles, however it is easier for a molester to reach children and earn their trust if in a position of authority over the child.
   
   
7. How does a molester choose his prey? A molester usually looks for the child that is alone, un-happy, insecure, upset or scared. This child is susceptible to love, appreciation, personal acceptance, flattery, comfort, promises of special treats or activities…all of the things that each of us want as adults.

I do not have all of the answers to all of the questions but maybe; just maybe, I have the answers to a few! If by sharing my testimony I can keep one child from being assaulted…from the anguish of being an eight-year-old child with adult sexual experiences…then you know what? All of my pain; all of my suffering; all of the trials I've been through are well worth the cost!!!

Sincerely with my prayers,
Accused
(Raymond Johns)

Isaiah 40:31
"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

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