Titus 2 Men And Women

Personal Testimony - Star Estep
by Star Estep

I was born in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. My mom and dad, sister and I moved from there and finally settled in the lower part of Michigan where I grew up. I have been reflecting on the day of my salvation lately and wanted to share some of my life with you. I want to give a little background before I was saved that may help others.

I sometimes went to a Lutheran Church with my mom, especially on holidays. The church taught that Jesus died on the cross and that He came to save the world, but I was spiritually dead. I did not know Jesus as my personal Savior but I was searching.

As a child growing up I was miserable and always trying to fit in; always hoping that someone loved me. My family loved me in their own way, I am sure of that, but they didn't know how to behave as a family should. All they did was fight and argue. I was a confused little girl. My dad was a mean alcoholic. When he was drunk he was always fighting and angry. But when he was sober he was the best daddy anyone could want.

My mom had a hard life with my dad and all that she went through. He was arguing all the time with her about different things and very demeaning to her. My aunt had told my sister and I we were the blame for my dads drinking and their fighting all the time. That has stayed with me all of my life. Nobody really believes that it happened but it did and I will never forget it! I am not mad at them at all. Maybe that is what they thought in their minds at that time, but it doesn't go away. We should always be careful what we say because we can't take it back. Think about it yourself. Have you ever said something that you wished that you did not say? It always comes back to haunt you in one way or another.

When I was younger I was not very tactful. With God's grace and love through the years, "God" has helped me with this. At times I still have problems but I just try not to do it anymore. The Bible says " Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." (II Cor. 5:17) We really should watch what we say to others or it could hurt them the same as it hurt and stayed with me. I did not understand what I was doing or saying to others until I started back in church.

A change in my life began when my neighbors invited me to go to church (Flint Baptist Temple) with them and ride the bus. I can remember to this day how fun the bus ride was (with all of the games and singing going on, and my Sunday School classes, where I learned the books of the Bible and Bible stories.) I had been learning a lot but never really understood how much Jesus really loved me. It was on Easter Sunday after the night service, that I accepted Christ as my Savior: After the service and invitation, I was really touched by the message and my heart was yearning for more. I did not know what it meant to be under conviction, but that is what was happening to me. My friend Debbie was sitting near me and she burst out crying and stepped out to go forward. I thought that I would go forward and help her and pray with her, not realizing that I was really burdened myself .

Bea, my neighbor, came up to pray with me and took me in the back room. She told me and showed me that I was a sinner and that Jesus loved me soooooo much that He died on the cross for me. She could see the sadness in my eyes and knew exactly what I needed. I said, "he died for me?!" She said, "yes." It was at that time that I realized that Jesus truly loved me and was not mad at me because of the way my life was. I had believed that Jesus could not love me or my dad would not be a drunk. I think that I could have at some time blamed God for the way that my dad behaved. I was my daddy's little girl and loved him so much. I was so relieved that the burden was lifted from my shoulders (HALLELUJAH!) and that Jesus loved me!

I went home and told my mom and dad that I wanted them to come and watch me get baptized. They told me "NO." I was shocked and hurt. I began thinking to myself-- if it doesn't mean anything to them, it must not be important. From that time, I slowly dwindled from church. Boy, big mistake! I did not realize what I was doing with my life, but God had a plan for me that even I did not understand.

I sometimes think of how life would be if I had just obeyed Him; if I had done what I should have and gotten baptized? But I didn't and I never grew in the Lord, but instead went my own way. I would suggest to everyone--when God deals with you, Do It! Do NOT hesitate! I should have been baptized then and not waited. But I am glad that I was still in God's hands.

It took me a lot of heartache and hard times before I got back to the Lord. Jesus said that "He would never leave me nor forsake me." Thank God for that. We have something to hang on to--God's Word you can always believe. To the young teenagers in this world I want to encourage you to do right and to follow God's Word. If your mom and dad do not go to church--just do right and go by yourself. The Lord will eventually bring them around and because of your testimony they could be saved. The Lord is so good. Don't let the devil persuade you into doing what the world would want you to do. If you ever want a joyful and fulfilling life, follow what the Lord wants you to do in your life and let Him guide you.

As I was growing up I made many mistakes in my life and did not ask God for directions. After graduation I got married and then divorced after 4 ½ years. My husband abused me verbally and mentally. I finally left. I do understand now that I was not the best wife that I could have been.

But God had His plan of plans: I married an old sweetheart from my teenage years that was unsaved at the time. Just before we were married we became friends with another couple (Jim and Sandy) and because of their salvation, and God's working through them, I am now back in church. My daughter was born after 2 years of marriage and after losing twins the Lord began to work on me. At that time I had an operation where I could not have children anymore. I was devastated.

I did not realize that my friend Sandy had been fasting and praying for me. I started back to church (Landmark Baptist Church) Easter Sunday in 1983, was baptized and got my life right with the Lord. The Lord has really blessed my life more than I could ever explain. Sure we go through problems, but the Lord is always there to help us through them now. As Christians the devil makes sure that our life is always on a roller coaster--trying to defeat us. But I read the end of the book-the Bible-- and we win. The devil cannot defeat us when we have Jesus unless we let him, and I am not about to let him win.

I want Jesus to be glorified in my life. Even my own family calls me Miss Perfect. I am far from perfect. I just seem to try harder because of my past. I hope that, in some way, I have been able to help you in your life. Remember to always put Jesus first and He will always be there for you, both in the good and bad times.

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