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DOES JESUS CARE?
Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth and song
As the burdens press, and the cares distress
And the way grows wear and long?
O yes, He cares, I know He cares,

His heart is touched with my grief:
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.

-Frank E. Graeff

It was shortly after the above incident, that I was finally able to forgive the teacher that betrayed me. You might be thinking, "I could never forgive someone who betrayed me like you were betrayed". No, in my own power I couldn't, but in God's power I did. I have even counseled with him on several occasions and found his counseling to be very helpful. I believe listening to his counsel completed the healing process of betrayal.

But there was still another part of this healing process that hadn't been addressed. After I forgave this teacher, the Holy Spirit again impressed upon my heart that it was time to allow myself to trust someone at our church. So, I first went to a lady that I knew and had counseled with when I was in college. Instead of finding judgement like I did when I was in high school; I found sympathy and compassion. It was during that appointment that she recommended that I tell our Sunday School teacher. Well, it just so happened that Sunday School teacher was a man. The thought of telling him what happened literally made me ill. After wrestling for a while regarding telling him; I finally gathered enough courage and told him. Again, I found sympathy and compassion instead of judgement. Through a slow process, I eventually regained my trust in my church.

I still though, had not dealt with the bitterness and anger I had toward the person who abused me. To me this person had become a big hideous monster and I was afraid of it. Through the gentle and wise counseling of my Sunday School teacher, I was able to see that what I thought was a big hideous monster turned out to be a pussycat. Because of my fear I had created a monster. I at first wanted revenge for how he had hurt me. I wanted him brought to justice. Because I felt so much shame and guilt over what happened and never went forward to the authorities at the time, this person was never charged with anything. I even started to try and search for him in the hopes of making him pay for what he had done, all to no avail. It was like this person had been wiped off the face of the earth. Then a friend of mine one day recommended that I read Psalms 18. I took her up on her suggestion. As I read through that chapter I started realizing that God is my refuge. He is my strength. He will destroy my enemies. That one chapter changed my whole thinking about wanting revenge. I realized that for me to seek justice or revenge on my own was defeating the process of healing; and would do more harm than good. For the Bible says in Romans 12:19 "Dearly beloved avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is mine: I will repay, saith the Lord."

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