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The subject of Sexual Addiction is of a
different nature that any other realm of addictive behavior. First, it
is difficult because the scripture we try to use to deal with the subject of
sexual addiction deals with lust rather than sexual addiction. You might say,
"Isn’t it the same thing or don’t they go hand in hand?" No they are not the
same thing, although they are closely linked. Lust is a subject that covers
a broader spectrum than you might realize. For instance you can lust after inanimate
objects such as cars, boats, houses, careers, etc. You can also lust after things
that are not necessarily sinful. You can lust after a woman’s beautiful face.
I have heard women say, "doesn’t he have beautiful eye’s?" Now let me ask you
this question, is lust any less sinful because it involves a woman’s face or
a man’s eyes rather than their exposed body. Let’s take it a step farther. Is
it any less sinful for a man to look at a woman who has a beautiful figure and
lust although she has done everything she could to make sure that she was modest
in her dress, than it would be for him to lust after her because she was unclothed.
Sexual addiction really is a much different subject than lust although they
can include many of the same elements. Second, it is a difficult subject
because it is one of those secret sins. The other forms of addiction are public,
the alcoholic is almost always known to be an alcoholic before he admits he’s
one himself. The person who is chemically dependent is almost always recommended
to someone for help because they are aware of his problem. Yet with sexual addiction
it is always known privately by the person himself before any one else finds
out. The alcoholic is often disgusting in his behavior, the chemical dependent
person makes people angry because he tends to put at risk those he loves just
to get another fix. But, sexual addiction is different because it brings shame.
Most family members are not aware of this problem because it is so easily hidden.
Yet ironically it is probably the addiction that claims more respondents than
all of the addictive substances combined.
The following outline
will map out a method for recognizing and dealing with this addiction.
I. How Does This Addiction Occur
The key in dealing with this addiction is to understand
why it occurs to begin with.
- God is the author of sex and the sexual drive. He intended that it be not
only for the purpose of producing off spring but for the enjoyment of the
couple that has been united in a scriptural marriage. I believe that every
married couple should read the Song of Solomon together monthly or at least
every other month. Sexual interest can be intensified when there is not a
adequate sexual relationship between a husband and wife. That intensity then
leads to fantasizing about people other than your mate. I Cor 7 :3 --- 5 states,
"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:and likewise also the
wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband:
and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye
may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan
tempt you not for your incontinency."
- There is also the lust factor. There are some who would disagree with me
on this point but it is worth researching. Not all lust is wrong. I was recently
dealing with a couple and the husband, whom we will call John was battling
with pornography. His wife whom we will call Jane said, "I will not be satisfied
until he doesn’t lust at all anymore". I responded by saying, Jane he cannot
make you a promise like that and if he did you would need to promise him that
you would not lust for anyone either." Lust can involve more than just sex,
it can simply involve the attractiveness of someone’s face, the way someone
carries themselves or their physical stature. Everyone should have as their
goal not to lust after someone else but to make that specific promise would
be difficult. Beside that fact Jane, you really do not want what you are requesting
because the other issue is that not all lust is bad. I Corinthians 10:6 say,
"Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after
evil things, as they also lusted." The problem here is not lust but lust for
evil things. The word lust comes from the Greek word "epithumeo", which means
to set the heart upon, i.e. long for (rightfully or otherwise). You see it
is a good thing for a husband to lust after his wife. To crave her, to long
for her, to set his heart upon her. It is when he turns that lust toward someone
else that the problem occurs. Quite frankly, the fact that a man doesn’t lust
after his wife is more critical than the fact that he has lusted after someone
else. This is true because when he doesn’t lust after or crave after his wife
he opens the door for sexual addictions that will leave him defeated and discouraged.
Once sexual addictions take seed they are the most difficult of all addictions
to overcome. You can’t correct it by placing them in a hospital to dry them
out or by locking them in a jail cell. So my response to Jane was, you really
don’t want him to be free of all lust because if he were then you would be
coming for counsel for the lack of intimacy in your relationship. There are
some things that God desires that we lust after. The word "Lust" in I Corinthians
10:6 is the Greek word epithumeo, which is the same Greek word that used in
Luke 22:15, where Christ "desires" or "lust" to eat the Passover with his
disciples. It is also the same word translated desire in I Timothy 3:1, where
the man that "desires" or lust after the office of a Bishop desires a good
work. Again we find the word "desire" or "Lust" in Hebrews 6:11 when we are
told to "desire" or "lust" to show diligence.
The problem occurs when we "lust" after the wrong things and in this case
it would be to lust after someone that is not our mate. James 1:15, "Then
when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished,
bringeth forth death."
- Another reason that sexual addiction becomes an issue is because of preoccupation
with the subject of sex itself. Unfortunately you cannot drive down the highway,
turn on the television or pick up a magazine without sex being blatantly paraded
in front of your eyes. If you go outside in the summer time you will be confronted
with nakedness and sexual overtones. All of these media devices can create
an avenue for preoccupation with the subject of sex. If you have a computer
and internet activity is a part of your day, you will battle the temptation
of sexual preoccupation.
Understanding how sexual addiction is stimulated is a very valuable tool used
in combating the addiction.
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