Titus 2 Men And Women

Recently I went to lunch with my son Jeff and his wife Christina. While visiting back and forth I was sharing with them my life before I was saved. I was explaining to them how I totally messed up my life as well as others by my misdirected view on love and marriage. I mentioned how that when I got married I was under the dilution that you lived happily ever after. There were to be no real fights and the two of you were to show each other your love by words and attention. I shared with them how I felt my husband of six years must not love me because he did not tell me so. I was under the impression he must think I’m fat, homely, and undesirable because he did not show the affection I thought he should if he really cared. I thought he must be tired of me and would probably leave me for someone else, so I decided to leave him first. I mentioned how we had no open communication in our marriage so “stinking thinking” got me in to a lot of trouble. The great falsetto that Cinderella stories were real and the soap operas were right on warped my thinking as a young bride. It was then that Christina shared with me the most incredible words of wisdom that her mother had taught her as a young bride to be. Christina’s mother had said that the first five years were going to be the hardest, and if they could fight together to make it through those then the rest would be easier. She should stick it out because it would be well worth it in the end. Being aware of what to expect made it a lot easier for Christina to work at her marriage. She was looking forward to the easier years that lie ahead. She was not expecting a happily ever after marriage from the beginning, but a happy marriage that they fought to keep because of the love they really had for each other.

Wow! What insight her mother had to share this bit of wisdom with her daughter. Why don’t we all prepare our daughters for reality instead of letting them go on thinking marriage is a piece of cake. A really good marriage doesn’t happen overnight. It takes work. A really successful marriage does mean fighting to stay together. There is nothing else worth fighting for than a solid marriage.

Most marriages end before seven years. That’s probably why the phrase seven-year itch came about. Somewhere around seven years most people have had it and are out looking again for Mr. or Mrs. Right. They never made an attempt to save their first marriage so what possesses people in to thinking they can make a go of it with someone else. In another seven years or less they will be chucking that marriage for someone more exciting. I know I would have run from husband to husband if the Lord had not saved me.

I wish all of us mothers’ had the wisdom Christina’s mother had in sharing the reality of marriage with our children before they entered into marriage. Most of us probably think they would see from home life that it wasn’t easy, but all that usually does is make them think their marriage will be different.

I remember telling my daughter she would have to work at a good marriage, but I’m not sure I imparted the same godly wisdom Christina's mother did by preparing her for the struggles that lie ahead. Although I do need to give my daughter credit for doing all that was in her power to save her marriage. She just chose unwisely; not taking seriously what God said about not being unequally yoked. Satan hates us and he will go to the end degree to destroy our marriages. He does not stop after the first five years, but he has less power to destroy something we have fought to keep. If we are under the impression our marriage will be different we are in for quite a surprise once the honeymoon is over.

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is wonderful. Our Lord gave us each other as helpmeets, but because of sin we tend to become sparring partners instead of helpers. Satan makes sure we see all the flaws in our marriage partner all too fast not recognizing the fact that we also are not perfect. The song “That old devil is a sly old fox” is so real. We are so focused on being happy according to the worlds’ standard that we don’t realize what true happiness is.

Christina’s mother let her know that there was going to be a struggle, but that struggle was well worth fighting for. After all you are dealing with two totally different personalities. Men do not think the same way a woman thinks and vice versa. A man feels he is showing his love by being a steady worker bringing home the proverbial bacon, whereas women want affection. Women need held just for the purpose of being held. They need to be told they are loved and cared for. Women are touchy feely, whereas men are more work oriented. Some men aren’t aware anything is wrong at home because they themselves are totally satisfied with how things are going. The woman feels things are falling apart because she doesn’t “feel” things are going according to how she imagined they would. Now we have two different perspectives on the same marriage. The wife may try to change how the husband does things, and when he doesn’t comply she may think he doesn’t care enough for her to realize she needs something more. This is just a small example of how a marriage can get misguided and require struggling to make it work.

We need more open communication in our marriages; not only with each other, but also with others who have been married for several years where you can see their marriages are going strong. What did they do to survive the attack of the devil? It’s our duty to warn and share with each other about what lies ahead. If it starts with us parents just think how much happier our children can be. Forewarned is to be forearmed.

In order to live happily ever after we need to ascertain what happiness is. The dictionary describes happiness as good fortune, prosperity, a state of well being and contentment, joy and a pleasurable satisfaction. Unfortunately we all too often mistake true happiness for the more worldly descriptions. We think of the pleasurable satisfaction and joy as the pounding of our hearts whenever we see our loved one. The desires that flare up at their touch bring on momentary satisfaction. The problem is whenever you are together all the time these physical emotions calm down. That certainly does not mean the love is gone. We tend to mistake love for lust.

Think of marriage a little like seeing a new car for instance. We fall in “love” with that car. If we only had that car we would never ask for another car till this one died. We swear no one will eat or drink it this new vehicle. What happens after the “new” wears off? There are pop cans, junk mail and food wrappers everywhere. What happened? Do we not care for this car now? Not at all, we just got comfortable with our car and realized it wasn’t going to fall apart with everyday use. The same is true with our marriage. We get comfortable with each other in every day life.

True happiness is in the definition of a state of well being and contentment. Hebrews 13:5 “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have;...”

We will never be happy if we are always looking for contentment outside of our own marriages. Don’t covet someone else’s marriage; instead make the most of the marriage you have. Think of all your mates good qualities and not on their faults. Realizing we are not little miss perfect ourselves. Can we live happily ever after? Yes, if we put our Lord first and be content with such things as we have.

Thanks Christina for sharing with me the insight your mom gave you, and prayerfully someone who is reading this article will be helped also.

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