I was raised in a non-Christian environment. Through the years of my childhood my brothers, sisters and I were taken to various churches by caring neighbors. I honestly don’t remember much about what was taught, and as I grew up church was not included in my agenda.

I was a very lonely child with very few friends. This was my choice as I had been shunned and ridiculed so much I decided friends were not for me. I felt I was better off being a loner therefore people couldn’t hurt me.

Although a loner I desperately wanted to be loved by someone. I chose a young man I "thought" I was in love with since the fifth grade to be my husband at the ripe old age of seventeen. My home-life was dysfunctional to say the least and I just wanted to get away where I could live happily ever after. Unfortunately I did not know what made people happy, therefore I was never very happy. I was always looking for "feelings" to make me feel happy and secure. When I felt my husband of six years did not love me anymore I decided to dump him before he could dump me. Telling myself I did not care. I found out later he really did love me and I was mistaken, but it was too late to turn back. I had already involved myself with another young man I "thought" I loved. I remarried at age 23 and by the second year I was ready to call it quits for I still was not happy.

On September 24^th one day before our second anniversary, my Mother-in-law invited me to church to hear some country gospel singers. That night I heard for the first time, that I could remember how Jesus came to die for my sins personally. No one had to tell me I was a sinner. I knew that full well, and I knew I was on my way to hell, but I had been asking God to please let my children go to heaven. I did not want them to go where I was going. I had been trying for some time to find God, but didn’t know how. I tried reading a Bible, but I did not understand any of it. After a while I just gave up, but I never gave up asking for my children to be able to go to heaven. That night God showed me that not only could my children go to heaven, but if I asked God to forgive my sins and repented I could go to heaven as well. WOW What a thrill! I hated my life, but I thought I was stuck with it. I didn’t see a way out. I did not want to live the life I was living, and once I found out I didn’t have to I fell on my knees before a Holy God and begged His forgiveness. I repented of my sins and turned from that way of life gladly.

For two years I did pretty well, but as my friends and family made fun of me, and my husband did not want to have anything to do with church, I soon got tired of trying. They all said they did not like the new change in me. Finally one day I decided to listen to that evil voice inside telling me to just give up and show them how bad I could be. I tried to be real bad just to "show them", but all I succeeded in doing was to make myself miserable. I remember telling everyone that one-day I was going to get back in church, because I was happier there. I struggled on for about two years this way ready to get another divorce when the Lord convicted me to get right with Him and allow Him to clean up the mess I made "again". The reason I use the term struggled was because my Lord never gave up on me and He never let me have any peace. Praise God for that! You see when God once saves you you are His forever.

In 1976 on Resurrection Sunday, I had had enough, and I told my husband I did not care what he did, but as for the kids and me we were going to church. That day I rededicated my life fully to my Lord and Saviour never to conscientiously turn my back on Him again. Now does that mean I never sinned after that? Hardly, but I have never had a desire for my old way of life again no matter who made fun of me. After I made that decision my husband, both my children and my sister accepted the Lord as their personal Saviour. Through the years I have been able to see many of my family come to the Lord including my Mom and Dad.

After my rededication I asked the Lord to use me in His service. It wasn’t long after that that we moved to Arizona. Where, Praise God, He has allowed me to write articles, speak at various ladies conferences, plus do a variety of other church associated services. I have recently changed churches where the Lord has been opening many doors of opportunity especially in the writing department. Who knows; next I may even venture out and try to get an e-mail address. I just thank my Lord for being so patient with me, and if I can be of service to anyone else who is struggling I want to be available. That is why I sign my letters "In His service", because that is my heartfelt desire, to be in His service. Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

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