Titus 2 Men And Women

I’m sure most of us, at one time or another, have had a "friend" who gave us unstable counsel.  Job 16:2-4 "....miserable comforters are ye all. Shall vain words have an end? Or what emboldeneth thee that thou answerest? I also could speak as ye do; if your soul were in my soul’s stead, I could heap up words against you, and shake mine head at you." What Job is saying here is, basically, walk a mile in my shoes before you start to make snap judgments or give unstable advice of what you "think" God is doing in my life. At times, we are all so sure of our advise that we tend to get ahead of the facts.

I Samuel 16:7 "...for man looketh on the outward appearance, but God looketh on the heart." Mankind looks on the surface; then within himself feels capable of judging others based on this outward "sign." Why do we do this? Most of the time it is out of ignorance of what God is trying to do in our fellow man’s life. Sometimes it’s because we, ourselves, or a friend went through a similar experience and we know what worked in that situation. Excuse me here, but no two people are alike so there are no pat answers. There’s no one-size-fits-all resolution. God knows what is in a man’s heart, and that is one good reason why the book of Job is in our Bibles today. Job shows what can happen when we haven’t walked in another man’s shoes.

Have you ever had the Lord reveal a flaw in your character that He wanted you to start working on because it was not pleasing to Him? Since this was a new venture into unfamiliar territory, did you begin with baby steps until you could feel more comfortable with correcting this flaw? Once the Lord revealed this previously unknown flaw did you see it as a chance to grow in your spiritual maturity? As such were you really trying to please the Lord as you saw changes come easier -- changes that made you feel you were finally making progress in the right direction? As Christians we all want to grow and as the Lord reveals things that need changing we are confident He will hold on to our hand as we start to take these baby steps.

Now have ever had someone, no matter how good their intentions may have been, point out and magnify this flaw you had recently become aware of and were just beginning to see some progress on? What did that do to you? To many it could break their spirit.

Naturally the one who sees our flaws outwardly can not possibly see what God is already trying to do inwardly. That does not lessen the pain they can inflict by tactlessly blurting out how terrible a Christian you are. All they see is this gigantic flaw and feel it is up to them to point it out in all its goriest details. If they can only make you see what a huge failure you are as a testimony to others because you have this flaw then they can feel they have done a good job for God. Had they walked a mile in your shoes they would have been able to see the progress God was starting to make in your life. Unfortunately since you are still taking baby steps they never see the small changes you are already beginning to make.

The Bible tells us in I Thessalonians 5:19 "Quench not the Spirit." When one person undertakes to be the Holy Spirit in the life of another, when God is already dealing with that person, the "confronting" person is quenching the Holy Spirit. Yes, we are to guide and help one another but not before we’ve prayed for guidance ourselves, allowing God to direct our way. Before we begin to point out another’s flaws we need to be completely sure God hasn’t already started His own work in their lives.

Before we criticize and accuse another person’s motives we need to put ourselves in their shoes. It is so much easier to see certain flaws in another person’s life that might be a strength in our own, and overlook the flaws we should be concentrating on in our own life. We can undo all the Lord has worked so hard on in another person’s life when we forge ahead with strong or harsh advise. If we can just get them to see how bad this disgusting flaw is then they will realize everybody knows about it and they will want to correct it. Then they will be the useful Christian God intends them to be and we will have done God a service. How sad for all concerned.

Some people need more time in one area we may feel is so important in God’s work because God sees something else that is far more important that needs attending to first. By not walking a mile in another’s shoes we may inadvertently make that person we are trying to help, regress in their spiritual growth. Like the turtle that finally gets brave enough to poke his head out of his shell. Suddenly someone reaches in and tries to force it all the way out. That poor turtle gets so scared he pulls it way back in, maybe never to try again. That’s what we can do to another person when we aren’t aware of God’s working in their lives already. If we try to force growth we may cause them to be stunted for years.

Some Christians may have had a bad experience or no experience at all in their early lives, and these factors hinder them from growing as fast as we would like to see them grow in certain areas. If we haven’t walked in their shoes how do we know what struggles they may be facing in trying to grow? They say that a bird, when hatching from an egg, must break their shell themselves in order to have the strength to survive. Just like we can’t try to "help" that bird by breaking open his shell we can’t help someone grow faster than God is growing them. When someone tries to "help us along" in this way we usually feel prejudged. We can even feel that the individual who seems to only see our faults did not consider the changes we were beginning to make. These growth spurts may be slowed down by a painful experience the "slow mover" is trying to get through. 

The Lord intended for us to be there for each other. Every one of us has made, and will make, mistakes in our lives. What we do not need is an I-told-you-so "friend." All of us will have trouble in our Christian walk. Satan is here to see that we do. He doesn’t need our help to hurt each other. All of us at some point or other face some of the pains that Job faced. There may be loss of possessions, position, family members, a spouse’s comfort, severe physical and emotional pain just to name a few. What we do not need at this time are miserable comforters.

Until we’ve walked at least a mile in someone else’s shoes we need to be very cautious of how we react to him or her, and their particular situation. This includes, but does not always mean, that we’ve personally gone through a similar experience and survived. There are as many different reactions to the same situation as there are people involved.

Galatians 6:2 says for us to "Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."  Yet verse five seems to contradict verse two. "For every man shall bear his own burden." There is no contradiction in the word of God. Every man has burdens he alone must bear (live with) yet every Christian is to help bear (lift or help carry) that heavy burden. You can’t possibly know my painful burden to its fullest extent any more than I can know yours. Yet, we are commanded of God that we help one another cope with these burdens of life.

It’s easy for us to misjudge and condemn another when we haven’t walked where they are walking. If we want mercy and compassion from others then we must first be merciful and compassionate. It is very easy to be a miserable comforter like Job had, yet when pain comes home to us we are usually the first to yell, "but you don’t understand what I’m going through."

Have you ever seen the good cop/bad cop routine? Sometimes we like to play the good cop/bad cop game when trying to deal with each other. If compassion and patience don't work we try intimidation and fear. One way or another we are going to hurry up another person’s progress.  Yet when it comes to us we want more patience and a longer time to recuperate.

We need to try to walk a mile in one another’s shoes. We need to envision some of the pain and confusion another soul is going through. There are no easy answers just like there are no quick cures, and not all troubles are caused because the sufferer has committed some ungodly sin. John 9:1-3 says, "And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."

In bearing one another’s burdens we need patience! We may take one step forward and two steps back. When this happens, and it usually does, we do not need nor want to be prodded along like a bunch of cattle. We need compassion from one who desires our best interests. Too many times we are like the person who pulls and tugs on a leash when trying to train a new puppy. Do we realize if we call and encourage a puppy with a new collar and leash they become more comfortable with it on and the training time can be cut in half? The same is true when trying to help someone come through a new or different experience. If we try to pull and tug on them, and become impatient we do far more damage and it takes a longer time for them to cope.

I know there are those of us who feel we do not have time to waste on anyone who, we feel, doesn’t want help. We may use the excuse that we don’t have patience with "such people." We’ve told them what to do, even quoted scripture, and they should have gotten on with life by now, and started to be a help and not a hindrance! My friend, may I remind each of us that patience is a virtue? If we do not have patience for others then do not expect patience from others in return.

Before we start to criticize and abuse each other let us remember to first walk a mile in their shoes. Here are a few do’s and don’ts we could follow.        

Things to do:

1. Pray for that person.
2. Ask for wisdom, understanding, and guidance.
3. Study God’s Word for direction and knowledge.
4. Be available.
5. Remember a kind word, or deed shows you care.
6. Follow Galatians 6:1

Things not to do:

1. Offer your advice or opinion -- wait to be asked for it.
2. Act or portray yourself as having all knowledge and wisdom.
3. Think because you have been saved longer that your advice is best.
4. Be afraid to help if God opens the way.
5. Be afraid to admit you don’t have all the answers.
6. Try to push someone else to grow just so they can be what you feel they should be.

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