Titus 2 Men And Women

Esteeming Others Better Than Ourselves
by Julie Fink

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."
Philippians 2:3

"Mom," my oldest daughter began one evening as we were driving home from somewhere, "You really need to quit nagging Dad. I think it is starting to stress him out. The other night I asked him why he was being so grouchy and he said it is because he doesn't like it when you correct him in public or act like his mother. Now, I'm mostly on your side Mom, but Dad does have a point. No man likes for his wife to tell him what to do-even if he does do some pretty strange things sometimes."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I answered contemplatively, "I remember how mad he got the other night when I tried to tell him that he shouldn't wear those big, huge, rubber boots to church. I was just trying to be helpful-after all, I didn't want everyone at church to think he was weird."

"Well Mom," my youngest piped in, "If you don't leave Dad alone and let him be weird, he'll just keep acting weirder, and weirder, and weirder, until he proves to the whole world that he can be weird without anyone correcting him for it. So, why don't you just accept him for the way he is, and let him be weird?"

That's a good question. Why don't I just accept my husband the way he is and let him be weird if he wants to be? Why do I think that I have to govern everything he does, comment on everything he says, or worry about everything that he is supposed to do? Why don't I just leave the poor guy alone and let him be himself?

Is it because of pride? Is it because I am worried about how I will look to others if he doesn't do what I think he should do?

Is it because of fear? Am I afraid that if I don't tell him what to do, or correct some of the things that he does, that he won't remember what he is supposed to do?

Is it because of self-centeredness? Do I nag him and control him because I think that my way is the only way of doing things?

Or is it because I am genuinely concerned for him? Do I criticize and judge him because I genuinely want to help him? Is it that I think that pointing out his every flaw and fault will lead him on the right road to self-improvement?

I have to be honest with you, I really don't know. I'm not sure why I pester him at times like I do. I know that sometimes it is because of pride. I have to admit, there are times when I am concerned about what people might think of me when my husband does some of the things that he wants to do. And I know that at times it is because of fear. Sometimes I am afraid that my husband won't do what he is supposed to do if I don't nag him about it. And I know that sometimes it is because of my self-centeredness-many times I do believe that my way is the best way.

I have to be honest with you though...I think the main reason that I nag and try to control my husband (at times) is for his good, and for the good of those that will see him. I think that if I will judge him and critique him, that this will help him to be the best man that he can be. And if he is the best man that he can be, then everyone will love him, admire him, and think he is a pretty terrific fellow.

Ladies, do you know what? My husband doesn't really care what the world thinks about him. He doesn't care whether or not other people love him, admire him or think that he is a pretty terrific fellow. I have never seen him spend one moment worrying about what others think of him...but I have seen him worry about what I think about him.

You see, my husband cares very much if I love him, if I admire him, and if I think that he is a pretty terrific fellow. And (unfortunately), when I spend my time nagging him, criticizing him, and trying to control him-he spends his time worrying about whether I accept him for who he is or not.

I don't know about you, but I don't want my husband to worry about whether or not I accept him for who he is. I want him to KNOW that I love him. I want him to KNOW that I think he is terrific. And I want him to KNOW that he can be himself around me and be accepted. But the only way he will ever know this is if I stop nagging him, criticizing him, and trying to control him.

Dear friends, does your husband really KNOW that you love him? Is he sure that you accept him for who he really is? Does he rest in the fact that you think he is terrific no matter what he does (or doesn't do)? Does he know that he can be himself without being criticized or judged?

I hope so...I hope that your husband is confident in your acceptance of him. I hope that he knows that you esteem who he is better than you esteem what you think.

But just in case some of you are a little like me and have spent some of your time nagging, criticizing, or controlling him-you might want to do what I had to do and take a moment and tell your husband that you are sorry for doing so. You might want to ask him to give you another chance to prove that you really love him and want to accept him.

Then you may want to do something else...leave him alone! Let him do things the way that he wants to. If he wants to eat with his mouth wide open, let him. If he wants to misspell words when he writes, let him. And if he wants to come home from work each day and sit in the recliner, let him do that too.

Oh dear Christian friend, it is not our job to make them, change them, or inspire them. It is just our job to encourage them and esteem them better than ourselves. And the only way we do this is by accepting them...

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