Titus 2 Men And Women

Trust From The Ashes Of Abuse
by Kristina Auclair

I hardly know where to begin as this is a very difficult topic to write about.  I am writing this to help anyone who may be experiencing the same difficulties as myself.  I pray for you to receive healing and encouragement as I share my heart with you.

When I was 3 years old my family moved to the beautiful state of Maine.  I recall several wonderful family memories of our time in Maine, but some remembrances haunt me.  When I turned five years old I started attending kindergarten at our local church.  I had a wonderful teacher and I learned so much.  My teacher was the pastor’s wife and I became very close to her and the pastor.  They had horses and I loved to ride them in all of the horse shows.  As a small child, I put my complete trust in the man of God and loved him dearly.  Little did I know that my trust would soon be extinguished.

During playtime outside, preacher would come outside and spend some time with the students.  We all loved this special time with him.  It became something greater though.  He began doing things to me in private that were inappropriate.  He touched me in an improper way and treated me like I had never been treated before.  I dismissed the fact that this was odd.  After all, he was the preacher and he would only do things out of love and protection for me.  This went on for several months.  Each episode made me feel more uncomfortable.  Finally, at dinner one night I just blurted out, " Pastor sure does love me. He shows me all the time."  My parents began to question me and I told them everything.  My dad seemed angry.  I thought that he was upset with me.  I was too young to understand the horror that he was going through.   Investigations were made and I was not the only one that had been molested.  This man spent several years in jail and I spent several years in turmoil.

Let me now share the lessons I have learned with you through all of this.

First of all, I was upset at myself for telling my parents.   Pastor was taken from me and I did not understand.  All I knew was that as soon as I said something I did not see him again.  Sometimes in life things are done to us that we do not understand.  Rules are just boundaries set up to protect us from harm, not to make us uncomfortable.  I rebelled in my heart at that, because he was my preacher.  I understand now though the terrible pain and anguish my parents were going through.  Something had been done to their little girl and they were not there to stop it.  I am very thankful that the lines of communication were open in our home and that I felt comfortable going to my parents.  If my parents never believed me or never let me share what was in my heart, only the Lord knows where I would be today. 

Secondly, I felt bitterness at all spiritual leaders.  Someone that I had put complete trust and confidence in had let me down.  I was afraid that any other preacher would do the same.  Just a few years ago my husband shared a verse with me that really touched my heart and made me realize how childish and foolish I was acting. In Psalm 118:8 it says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man."

I went to the altar that night and gave it to God. I forgave my pastor for what he did to me and told the Lord that I would try my best to trust in Him and Him alone for everything.   The Lord will never let us down.  If we put our complete trust in Him, we will never be forsaken or mistreated.

Thirdly, I struggled with my dating relationship and my first year of marriage.  It was very hard for me to get close to my husband.  I loved him with all of my heart, but I knew that if I married him, naturally we would touch. I did not like the idea of that.  I was scared.  I was excited to be married, but uncomfortable about the physical aspect.  Once again I needed a verse to help me through. In Psalm 62:8 it says, "Trust in him at all times ye people, pour out your heart before him:  God is a refuge for us."  This showed me that in everything we can trust God.  If I trust in God that He will protect me, then I can trust the husband that God gave me.  This verse also says that we can pour out our heart to Him.  God likes to hear the cries of His children and He loves to help us.

Now that I have given my past to the Lord, He has helped me through my difficulties.  I have had a few pastors in my life and it has been very difficult to trust them.  As I trust in God though, He has in turn given me a love and appreciation and trust for each one.  Trusting God has also helped me have a deep love for my wonderful husband.  We have a wonderful marriage and I trust him with my whole heart.

In conclusion, I just wanted to share the verses that have been a big part of my healing.

Job 13:15-"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him:  But I will maintain mine own ways before him."

Psalm 25:2- "O my God, I trust in thee:  let me not be ashamed let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me."

Psalm 56:3- "What time I am afraid I will trust in Thee."

Psalm 143:8-"Cause me to hear thy loving kindness in the morning:  for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee."

Proverbs 3:5-"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Proverbs 28:26-"He that trusteth in his own heart is a fool:   but whoso walketh wisely he shall be delivered."

Nahum 1:7- "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble: and he knoweth them that trust in the Him."

I hope that this little part of my heart will help someone who is struggling.  If you have any questions or comments please feel free to write me. 

(From Sharon, Kristina's mother:
Soon I will be addressing this evil injustice from the parent's perspective with hope that even one child can be saved from the evildoers that prey on children. I will be writing my heart and addressing the guilt that a parent endures and the broken heart that is so difficult to let mend. I will also be addressing the signs of abuse that parents should be watching for in their children. It was not good for us-- and it is not good for any parent to be blissfully unaware thinking "it could just never happen in their Christian family." It does happen...more often that any of us would like to think it does.

Statistics teach us that children are almost always molested by a family member or a very good friend of the family...people they trust and love. This pastor was not only our preacher but he and his wife were dear friends. It was a small church and my husband worked shoulder to shoulder with this man. He and his wife were in our home often...and we in theirs. Everyone in the church loved and trusted him. When the evil deed became public knowledge he went to jail for molesting many little girls in our church building. It then became public knowledge that he was an abuse victim who never faced his abuse to receive healing from and victory in the LORD. Without healing the cycle of abuse can and often does continue.)

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