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The second rotten wall was buried behind the first one and the Lord revealed it to me as I read through the Book of Romans. When I could not get past chapter eight and verse twenty-eight I asked God so many questions before He literally broke my heart and sat me free with the answers. To explain I would like to share part of my journal entry from that day:

"Father, Abba Father, I am horrified and heart broken. For other Christians I have always believed, and I have taught others, that You are the Master and not the Author of the "all things" in our lives. I now realize that I never settled that matter in my own life. Father, You have helped me see that as a hurting child I accepted that You, by not stopping the hurt, were abusing me too. And buried way down inside that bitterness towards You fed my acceptance that You just could not love me like You loved everyone else. This thinking has distorted much understanding and especially the relationships in my life. Father I ache all over...please forgive me.

I know that You are the Master of all things---seemingly good or bad. I now believe and even "see" a little of how You have used some of the unpleasant happenings in my life for my training and my refining...worked them for my good. For the first time in my life I can say "thank You" for being in control and for keeping me and teaching me in those times."

Those hours with God---that sweet and painful tent of meeting was the culmination of God’s very patient twenty-three year struggle to remove the bitterness from my life. When the Lord healed this rotting process it was a wonderful turning point in my relationship with my Lord, myself, my husband, my children, and my parents.

I only wish that I could say that I am bearing my heart just to give a testimony of victory over an unusual personal problem. Unfortunately I cannot say that because the Lord has allowed me to recognize that same sour odor/disposition and unrest in others. I have seen others discover rotting walls in their hearts...hearts that had a desperate need. In every situation that need, like mine, was not for a medical doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, psychology book, or a radio doctor of psycho-theology. Rather, the need for all hurting hearts is the same need that I had: The need is for Jesus Christ (The Great Carpenter) and God's Holy Words (His tool box). It is only Jesus Christ and the Words of God that contain every tool needed to reveal and tear out all of the rotten problems that we can have and fill the void with clean right thinking and understanding.

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