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Maybe that little girl could have then had the freedom and comfort to say,
"Daddy, we need to take our temperature!" (Or "Daddy, I need you to listen to
me...or play with me...or read to me...or hug me.")
Pertinent fact: Studies indicate that the average woman speaks
roughly 25,000 words a day, while the average man speaks roughly 12,500.
Implication: Many men use up most of their words during the day at work
and seem to want to rest their minds at home; many wives still need to talk,
so their needs are not met and the wives may withdraw and put up barriers and
walls. (From counseling women I know this is a monumental problem for wives
whose husbands work in offices and in interactive jobs, i.e. doctors, policemen,
businessmen, pastors, etc. Men need to be aware of the differences in
word power but women also need to be aware of the problem as stated here.
I have suggested to many women with husbands who have talked out their quota
of words---or who are just not interactive men-- to go during the day and visit
a shut-in, or make a hospital visit, or a counseling call. Every church
is needy for Titus 2 Women to teach other women and this does not have to be
in a classroom. Most of my teaching has been done in a woman’s living
room or at her kitchen table...or in a restaurant over breakfast or lunch.)
Necessary responses to this difference:
- Be aware of this difference
- Ask, "what can I do to meet my mate’s need for communication? "(For women
I strongly suggest that you make yourself available as much as possible when
your husband is home. Try not to receive telephone calls after your
husband comes home. Stay off of the computer whenever possible.
Sit with him as much as possible...even if he has a newspaper in front of him---grab
a book and be available if he wants to share a thought or talk about a news
item. Try and read the newspaper first and have a point of interaction
while he reads. Make yourself available as much as possible.)
- Men, conserve energy and words for communication at home. Men should
deliberately save some of their word power for their families.
II. Implement a deliberate plan.
- Select both a setting and time to communicate.
"All healthy relationships are a function of schedule and skill."
---Tom Barrett. (And the more we do it the easier it gets. For many
women I have talked to, the first half hour after the children go to bed is
a good time to have a meaningful chat. I do not believe this may be
the best time to have an in-depth correct something conversation that may
run the risk of your going to bed angry.)
- Plan to block out TV, the newspaper, the barking dog, and other Distractions
or disruptions. (This may prove to be a challenge...putting the remote control
to the television in the mail addressed to yourself may be an option...C:
)
- Preplan a regular ‘when and where’ for communication. (Some suggestions:
A favorite restaurant, a tea tray with snacks in the solitude of your bedroom,
sitting at the kitchen table with a container of ice cream and two spoons,
or on a porch swing after the kids are in bed.)
- Commit to two elements each time you get to your communication time and
place:
EXPRESSION---AND---LISTENING WITH UNDERSTANDING AND LOVE (Think about
what the expression on your face is saying to the other person...love, anger,
impatience/patience, disgust, joy, etc. And purpose to listen with understanding
and love...not just hearing but intently listening with deep compassion and
empathy...making intermittent comments that tell the other person you are hearing
and thinking about their words.)
- Work your plan; adhere to it. (My pastor said this should be just
as important as going to church! I agree with him for marriages
are crumbling all around us on a daily basis and children are falling away
from our faith and practice I believe because of lack of communication with
parents---which is often due to a lack of time spent with the parents in meaningful
communication.)
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