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I understood that before I was born God knew the very day when I would be able to look back on my life and see that a merciful, gracious, and completely loving God had not abused me---rather He had lovingly kept me. God kept me time after time when the physicians had given up. God kept me when my mother wanted me dead. God kept me by saving my husband’s soul to full surrender. God kept me and took care of me ! How could I doubt the love of God or love my Lord with any less than my whole heart? God had never forsaken me!

God always wants the very best for His children---whether we think He does so or not. God is waiting to give all of His children who feel forgotten, hopeless, or are in pain, "...to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified." (Isaiah 61:3)

I have been asked many times if the "old things" ever bother me now. My answer is always, "yes, sometimes they do". I learned several years ago when I was groping for never-to-be-bothered-again recovery that there is a part of me that will always be somewhat bothered and tender to the touch.

Several years ago I spent a week asking God for a Bible example of my kind of hurt---of abuse. I had read and heard that my problems were shared by many others but I wanted a Bible example. On Sunday morning my pastor told us that he did not know why he felt compelled to change his Sunday School lesson. When he finished reading II Samuel 13:20 I understood perfectly that it was my answer to prayer. "...so Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absolom’s house." Tamar was abused and a part of her remained desolate forever.

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