Titus 2 Men And Women

Family Tradition Of Loving Others
- teaching selflessness
by Sharon Merhalski

Raising Unselfish Children

I thought of about no less than a dozen titles for this first  "Mom Sense" article.  What became evident in my children’s lives because of this "happening" in our home could by itself title this many different ways.  However, I know that unselfishness is probably the greatest trait I evidence in my children’s lives because of this family tradition.

I cross-stitched a sampler when my children were young that read, "Love wasn’t put in our hearts to stay, Love isn’t love till it’s given away."

That saying meant so much to me-- for many reasons --and coupled with a truth taught to me by my mentor and titus2woman for the last 30 years the two became a standard in our home that our children grew to share.  

The truth:  When we  earnestly pray for others we WILL love them....it is always the by product of sincere prayer.  God sheds abroad His love for others through us...and we should unselfishly add our own love to God’s measure. 

When our children were very young, we started "adopting" other children.  Now, we did not legally adopt them as we did our daughter...rather, we began loving our children’s friends.  That love grew out of much prayer for those children...and then naturally grew out of our hearts as they gathered in our home.

My son and my daughter are 5 ½ years apart in age.   Raising them was almost like raising two only children.  When God brought our daughter to live in our home my son started first grade and was gone all day to school.  For my son’s first five years I borrowed my friend’s little boys to come and play at my house.   I was always a full-time mom and by providing my son a playmate to interact with and share with I also was able to give my friends a gift of free time.  When my daughter was old enough I did likewise for her.  I think this was one of the greatest  things  that God led me to do for my children...open my home to their friends to help teach them to not be selfish...and it also taught them to be tolerant of others.

As my children got older we never changed this tradition in our home.  My husband and I loved their friends with a genuine love birthed and grown in prayer for them.   We bought them birthday presents...and took our children to buy them a present too.  We, with our children, sent these friends cards when they were sick.  We often took those children on outings with our family to the zoo or the park...or had them over to play with our goats, dogs, horses, or turkeys.  We gave our children an ‘extended family’ so to speak to care about and to care for...and to love.

When our children became teen-agers our home was ALWAYS open to their friends...as was our refrigerator. C:  At the Holidays we ALWAYS invited any of their friends who wanted to come...and ALWAYS had many of our adult friends to join us.  So many memories of 25-30 people in our home...and everyone who had one brought their instrument and joined our son around the piano!!!   Our goal was to teach our children that our friends are as important to God as our families...and should be likewise to us.

As adults the tradition has remained the same...but has not been limited to just friends of our children.  My husband and I have ‘adopted’ many young adults our children’s ages...again, a natural "happening" because of the love that has grown in our hearts as we sincerely pray for them.

 Many people our age lament over ‘empty nest’.  So many have mobile children who live far away...and lament over not being able to see them often.  Many make their children feel guilty...and eventually many of those children never want to go home.  There is no reason to be resigned to a lonely life...there are many young adults who will allow themselves to have one more "mom and dad" in their lives...many who were not raised in a Christian home and still have parents who are not Christians...many who could glean from older Christians who have---with God’s help--- raised Children who love the LORD. We have several, and in particular four others, that we love and share our parents hearts with---two young women and two young men...in addition to our very own and very special son and daughter!

Out of all of the above---some thoughts.

1.)      My children grew up sharing their parents with other children their age.  Because we had other children around so often our children had to learn to share, learn to care, learn to give to others besides our immediate family.  We encouraged their doing so, never feeling slighted by their divided attention, which I have witnessed parents complain to their children about.  Both of my children grew up to be totally unselfish.

(And I want to add here that we don’t know how many of those friends that we shared our home with NEEDED the love, and respite of a home endeavoring to love and to honor the LORD ...as well as needed the correction and teaching that was given when needed.)

2.)      As adults our children know that we are happy---even though we may not live near to them.  Why?  Because they know the "siblings" that their parents have chosen to love as family.  I get lonely for my daughter and the attention of my daughter---However,   I have a ‘daughter’ less than a mile from me -- Denise (our picture on our article page).  I have prayed for her earnestly and love her dearly because of those prayers.  I have also opened the ‘mom’s part of my heart’ to her and have chosen (and that is a key word---chosen as God chose to love me) to love her and treat her like a mother would a daughter. I also threaten her husband with a "mother-in-law" curse if he is ornery to her. )  Likewise Kristina knows that we have other "children" around the country and she freely shares our hearts with them...knowing her parents hearts have love enough to give away. 

Planning for the future:

When my daughter comes home from Michigan I encourage her to go and see her friends.  Oh, I could demand her full attention, and make her feel guilty for loving her friends and wanting to spend time with them (usually to meet a need for them)...but that would be a very selfish thing for me to do...and I am still teaching her.  One day, unless Jesus comes for us all, her parents will be in Heaven and I want her to have close relationships with her friends.  That is something I am planning for and working on leaving for her when I am in Heaven...the love and bond of her friends. 

"Love wasn’t put in our hearts to stay, 
Love isn’t love till it’s given away."

(The following letter came to me just a few hours after I finished writing this.  Eleven years ago, when Don was in Bible college in Wisconsin, my husband and I ‘adopted’ him and made our home his home away from home.  When he graduated and married he moved away and we became mentors to him and prayed for him diligently as he hit some very rough snags in his life.  This letter honored us and made us ever thankful for the family tradition that we started so very many years ago---the tradition of including other people in our lives...loving them with the parent’s part of our hearts.  This letter came in response to our son’s home going to Heaven two weeks ago.)

Dear Pete and Sharon,

A few years back you "adopted" me at Maranatha. I know I could never take Joe's place, but I admire Peter as he was my own "dad", and Sharon as my own "mom". I cant ever replace the loss, and I'm not even worthy to shine the shoes of Joe, but I can be an encouragement to you. I love you both, just like you were my "mom and dad". I know in heaven someday I'll see Joe, and be happy to call him brother. I did while he was here, and prayed for him as well.

I extend gratitude to you both, thank you for the difference you have made in my life. You have helped make a man out of me, and I appreciate it. You are like the man in Ecclesiastes 9 who saved the city by his wisdom, "yet nobody remembered that same poor man." Well, I did, and I thank you very much...if I can help you by just talking or whatever...feel free to contact me anytime......thank you again Pete and Sharon, your "son", Donnie...) 
Dan. 12:3

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