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A couple of years ago I listened to a lady pour her heart out to me for the third time. Each time I heard her say her husband wasn't this or that, or he was this or that, and I listened. When she finished I asked her this question, "Are you and your husband sharing a bed and intercourse?" She looked shocked and replied with a hearty and adamant, "NO, of course not!" After this revelation she took a defensive posture and talked to me like I was nuts…after all, with all he was or wasn't she wasn't going to give him sex.

This situation was not the first encounter I had with this scenario and I'm sure it won't be the last. And before I begin I want to say that I am not talking about marriages where the husband is abusing the wife. In these situations the wife needs to go to Matthew 18:15-17 and ask God and her pastor to help her do what is necessary to protect her and/or her children and for her husband to get the help he needs. 

I'm not going to go into psycho-babble and/or use words that few would understand. I'm going to present what I believe and read in the Bible is God's heart in this matter and talk to you with Scripture--talk to you as God asks me to--as a Titus 2 Woman. "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5 

Do we believe God's Word is our final authority? 

"Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you." Deuteronomy 4:2
"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him." Deuteronomy 4:2
Matthew 4:4 "But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4
"And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God." Luke 4:4
"But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him." 1John 2:5. 
"For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven." Psalm 119:89

Whether we are emotionally well or have been emotionally damaged by grief in our lives: abuse, rape, death of loved ones, bitterness, God's Word is settled in Heaven…forever.

God gives the husband and wife definite positions in marriage.

Ephesians 5:22-23 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the
Husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the
body." As a Titus 2 woman God commands me to teach women to be obedient to their husbands.
Many women have come to me in the last 20+ years for advice, but ultimately, many really wanted me
to re-define the word "submission." Since the word submission is used in the Bible and I cannot re
define the Word of God, I will give you the definition as found in the Strong's Concordance: be
obedient; submit self unto.

When I was in my 30's and in a healing process from a childhood of abuse I didn't think I could submit myself to my husband; to his wishes, desires, passion, needs-physical and sexual. One Sunday morning during a sermon our pastor said, "God never asks you to do what He hasn't already enabled you to do." Phi 4:13 I can do all things through (a position of rest; give self wholly to) Christ which strengtheneth (empower, enable) me. The key is the word "through"…through Christ with a position of complete rest/trust/faith giving my self wholly to Him in complete surrender to His will.
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living
sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this
world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and
acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Romans 12:1-2 

"And be not conformed to this world:" Regarding this issue of "can I tell my husband no?" I believe Godly submission is a major problem…ultimately a person's conformation to the world, rather than true submission. I often say the older women in the church are facing younger women who were adversely affected by the "me" generation…what I call the "I'll do it my way" generation of women. Add Humanism (I am my own god-in charge of me), women-empowering talk shows, magazines, books, television shows which portray husbands/men as stupid and women as intelligent and power driven, and the consequence is many of our Christian marriages and families are far removed from what God intended them to be. If a woman chooses to marry and made a vow/promise to her husband to love, honor and obey him in all conditions of life, she is bound by God to do so. I can't say it any other way and be right with God. If a woman wants to "do it her way" and "consider men weak bafoons" she should not ever marry and de-position her husband from God's given position in a marriage. This makes both of them live outside of the perfect will of God. 

When I married my husband I made a vow to a one flesh covenant relationship. I made vows/promises to my husband before God and witnesses. And God has some definite and serious things to say concerning our making a vow.
"If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." Numbers 30:2 
"When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee." Deuteronomy 23:21 
"When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay." Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 

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