Titus 2 Men And Women

(Some articles were written during the last sixteen years and thus may offer some redundant testimony .)

My testimony of the first twenty-one years of my life is not full of good things because I was raised in a very dysfunctional home. Therefore I want to begin by telling you that God has worked overtime in my life to make me a very optimistic, happy, joyful, thankful, trusting ,and serving woman. About twenty years ago my pastor asked me if there was anything I would change about my life if I could. I stunned him with the word, "no". In the deep, deep valleys of my life God has been so very precious to me. As I have taken the time to listen to and for His still small voice, and as I have searched the scriptures and worshiped him in silence, My LORD has, in spite of myself, taught me, shown me, loved me, kept me, and ever-burdened my heart for others who hurt.

I was born in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma 53 years ago. The family that God chose to place me in I would never have chosen for myself. My mother and father were not Christians. My mother was a very bitter woman who delighted in doing evil deeds. Her life taught me the reality that bitterness is truly worse than cancer.

I grew up in the bay area of California. I was there when the end of the Polio epidemic claimed me for a victim. While growing up I attended a couple of Baptist churches as a bus kid and accepted Christ when I was fourteen years old. When I was twenty-one I met my very handsome, very polish, and very Catholic husband soon after he returned from Viet Nam.. For the first time in my life I felt unconditionally loved and accepted. We were married in the Catholic church in 1969. The following year my husband accepted the Lord as His Saviour, we both dedicated our lives to God, and our son was born. Five and a half years later God entrusted us with our daughter by adoption.

My husband moved our family to his home-state of Wisconsin in 1971. Peter loved California but sensed that I desperately needed to get away from my family.    I now understand that God needed me to be where He could begin to give to me, "Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; ...that He might be glorified."

 (Isaiah 61:3) 

                        Ashes--
                   Mourning--
                   Heaviness--

These are tough words to describe the first twenty-one years of anyone’s life. As you read on please know that Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."" is always true. Our Sovereign God always knows what is best for each of us. The word "good" in this verse means first the good of others who need our testimonies...comfort and lessons learned (or ones we wish we had learned). After others the word "good" in this verse can also mean good for us.

I was twenty-two years old when we settled in Waupun, Wisconsin. I was a mess and didn’t realize it. So much had transpired in my life that left such scars---both emotional and physical. I had Bulbar Polio when I was six years old and spent a year on an isolation ward of a county hospital. An iron lung had been my home for most of that year. Nine major surgeries later, the loss of my senior year of high school to an auto accident caused by a drunk driver, and my mother’s three attempts to murder me, had all left me with many "ashes, mourning, and heaviness" as well as anger and some bitterness.

I fell in love with Wisconsin. I had never experienced the changing of the seasons or the love and warmth of a close and loving family. My husband has four brothers and being the first girl in his family I was accepted as a daughter and spoiled accordingly. When I married my husband God blessed me with a mother who would love me unconditionally. I was also blessed with a pastor’s wife who became my "mom" and together with my husbands mother-- as I yielded my heart to God and their teaching-- they taught me by their examples and the Words of God how to be a wife, mother, and servant of Christ.

I was thirty-four years old when my deteriorated physical condition and unexplainable spiritual and emotional condition dumped me at a crossroad in my life. Everyone who knew me---even my husband---saw me as a person who had all things "together". Only I knew how miserable that I was and I stood one autumn night ready to never go back to church unless the Lord showed me why my heart ached so much. That night God held my heart in His hands as He opened a tightly locked room of my heart and helped me to see what I had buried there as a hurting child. That night God sat my spirit free and enabled me to fully surrender my life to Him. That night God enabled me to understand that He had not abused me too...rather, He had worked overtime to keep me alive and make the "all things" of my life able to glorify Him and help others.     

It took a few years to deal with all of the hurt in my life and allow God’s Word to change some wrong thinking about the LORD and me. I had to let God give me Christ-esteem as I learned to love myself in Him and see myself as a Princess in the court of the King of Kings. Berating myself had to become a thing of my past and a lot of false guilt and false shame had to be truly buried and forgotten. At this time I began journal-writing which helped me to heal my heart. This daily exercise has been a continual blessing to my life. When God gave to me my life’s verse all of the pieces of the puzzle of my life seemed to lock in to place: "Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." (Isaiah 48:10).

The Lord began entrusting me to speak to women about their abusive pasts. He also allowed me to teach a ladies Sunday School class and be a conference speaker. God took a woman who had accepted an ‘F’ grade each time anything oral had to be done for school. I then worked many hours to do extra-credit work to maintain a B+ average in High School and College. I am still in awe of His grace, mercy, and love for me!

Years have passed but His teaching has not waned. To get from mountaintop to mountaintop one must pass through a valley...precious valleys of fellowship with God OR miserable valleys of anger and despair...the choice is ours.    Almost nine years ago I became extremely thankful for each and every valley of my life---thankful that I had learned to trust God and wait on Him because He is always faithful and always good.

Almost nine years ago my then 24 year old son was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor. At that time he was preparing to graduate from Bible College and teach in a Christian school. He was a gifted pianist and wrote songs and did hymn arrangements that glorified His God. Our family was again plunged in to grief, as we were when our son was born with no prognosis for life. As the last almost nine years have passed with radiation twice and six surgeries we are grieving now for our son’s lost dreams. Is God still good? Oh yes, God is always very, very, good and we trust in His Sovereignty and His love.

I now live in Gary, Indiana with my husband of almost 32 years. Our nest is empty and we are starting a business. Our son married five and a half years ago and our daughter was married three years ago. My daughter and her husband serve as Asst. Pastor and wife in Davison, Michigan. Kristina and Andy are gifted singers and Kris plays the flute in church and gives lessons.  My son and his wife live in the area. We are now praying for grandchildren to spoil and send home.

In my spare time for enjoyment, exercise and a special quiet time with God--I am an avid gardener.  As the beautiful hymn says, "I (love to) come to the garden alone.....(where)....He walks with me and He talks with me and He tells me I am His own....and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known."  From time to time I hope to share some gardening tips with you as we sip coffee together at our kitchen table.

I love the Lord with all of my heart and I owe Him everything I want to serve Him and use all that He has entrusted me with to bring glory to His name. My prayer for that last several years has been the prayer of Jabez: (I Chronicles 4:10) "...Oh, that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me!" And I sense that I can say now, "And God granted him that which he requested." I have very little health, I am not supposed to have a speaking voice because I have a tracheotomy, and every doctor says that I should be little more than bedridden. "BUT GOD" is my answer and I make sure that my words glorify my precious LORD.   

Psalm 30:11b-12 "...THOU HAST PUT OFF MY SACKCLOTH, AND GIRDED ME WITH GLADNESS; TO THE END THAT MY GLORY MAY SING PRAISE UNTO THE AND NOT BE SILENT. O LORD MY GOD, I WILL GIVE THANKS UNTO THEE FOR EVER." 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

For over twenty years God has entrusted me to mentor women hurting from painful yesterdays...survivors of abuse.  My painful past will be mentioned often and void of specific incidences in my writing.  My book "Just Beyond The Shadow of God's Wings" will be offered for download in the near future.  I am also praying for the opportunity to have an e-group for women with dysfunctional pasts.  God alone brought me to victory over my childhood.  The overwhelming burden on my heart is for women who cannot be the kind of Christian, wife, mother or friend that God wills for them to be because they do not have the victory and freedom in Christ to do so. 

I tell you this because I realize that many Christians are not ready for this subject to be addressed.  I so often hear, "forgetting those things which are behind" but from personal experience I know that emotional damage cannot be forgotten until it is healed by God.  Jehovah-rapha wants to heal broken and damaged hearts....He wants to give them "beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness...that He might be glorified."

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