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Praying for His Affection and About His Temptations

In this lesson we move on to his affection. This is an area that can be a major problem in our marriages. When couples are in counselling, and a woman voices a need for affection from her husband, the husband is usually confused. His response is likely to be "we have sex as often as she lets me." Many men do not differentiate between sex and affection.

Learning to show affection is not a choice but a commandment. I Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife the benevolence (affection) that is due her, and likewise the wife to the husband.

When our boys were children, one son said, "I can’t wait to grow up and get married so I can stand and neck in your kitchen." If you and/or your husband grew up in a home where affection was not openly displayed, you may be very uncomfortable trying to show the family how much you care. And often the husband feels that he shows he cares by providing for the financial needs of the household.

Obviously, for those of you with young families, breaking the cycle is doubly important. Your children need to see that you and your husband really care for one another and that you care for them.

So what can we do about getting our husbands to show affection to us?

1. Realize that you deserve his affection. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you any areas that you need to work on to improve your self-esteem.
2. Remove the obstacles and show him affection. Sit next to him. Move the kids. Wrap your foot around his ankle. Get in the habit of touching him when you walk past. Make a point of hugging him just because he’s there. Ask him to help you put on your coat.
3. Let him know you expect him to return your affection. I have a daughter-in-law that always kisses her husband and kids when she leaves the house. And if any of them start to leave, she asks: "You weren’t going to leave without kissing me good-bye were you?" Everyone in the family is learning to show affection.

Some time ago when my Pastor asked the church to pray about whether God was possibly leading him to another church, many members started to cry. One of the most impressive things I saw was a teenage boy named Bryan. One of the teenage girls started to cry and Bryan gently turned her toward himself, pulled her head down onto his shoulder, and let her blubber all over his shirt. He kept one hand on her head and patted her back with the other. There was nothing sexual about the contact, it was un-asked for comfort and affection. Bryan had learned to show affection by seeing it in his home.

Is there a specific way that you can think of to show affection to your husband that will be a blessing to him? Ask the Holy Spirit to show you a way and to make you willing. Ask the Holy Spirit to teach your husband how to show affection to you.

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