Titus 2 Men And Women

Protecting Your Child From Incest
by Teddi Neevel

Protecting Your Child From Incest

"I always thought that as a Christian your husband is first and the most important person in your life no matter what kind of person he is." I was confronted with this statement in an abuse situation recently...it really challenged my thinking. I have prayed and thought about this teaching for weeks. I then had to write what I believe and why I believe it to see if my thought aligned with the Bible.

1. I believe that an individual’s first responsibility is their personal relationship with God.
   
   
2. I believe that an individual’s second responsibility is their one flesh relationship with their mate.
   
   
3. Then their relationship with their children & family.
   
   
4. I also believe that when a father is sexually abusing his child, the mother must take the child/children and remove them from harm. Now these beliefs don’t seem to be able to co-exist.

Where our understanding breaks down is when we think that putting our spouse first is correct, when putting God first is correct. If our spouse demands that we do or consent to what God has clearly declared wrong, GOD COMES FIRST. To put your husband first in this situation is idolatry -- putting the husband BEFORE God.

I have always been taught that adultery was sexual intercourse with other than your spouse, and that fornication was pre-marital intercourse. (Consent implied in both cases.) However, it clearly states that the thought is the same as the deed in Matthew 5:27-28 "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." So the inappropriate looking and touching is in God’s sight the act completed, actual intercourse isn’t necessary for fornication or adultery.

The other evening my husband was talking and meant to say adultery but said incest. I think I actually jumped when he spoke because as I heard him, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper...that’s it. I have studied using Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance to look up the Hebrew and Greek words.

Fornication: The Greek word porneia: harlotry, adultery, incest, (figuratively idolatry)

The Greek word porneue: to act, practice, indulge in harlotry, adultery, or incest. (figuratively To practice idolatry)

Adultery: The Greek words moichao and moicheuo: to commit adultery (Break ones marriage vows)

Accept that leaving is needed in the case of danger.

Matthew 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."

Matthew 19:9 "And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery."

Using the complete meanings of the Greek word for fornication the reason for a spouse to leave and put the other away is adultery, prostitution, or incest. In order to protect the child from future abuse and to help the child find healing in Christ, the child must be removed from the access of the abuser. Christ was very specific in the need to not abuse or offend a child.

These verses indicate that the one person can "cause" another to commit adultery -- non-concentually, such as occurs in any situation of sexual abuse. No matter how "mild" or "severe," sexual contact creates a "one-flesh" bond. This is a profound fundamental violation of another, causing them permanent damage in this deepest part of themselves. God DOES NOT condone this. If God expected a woman to remain with a spouse who did this to her children, it would violate His own word because it would be requiring that she condone (and thereby He condone) this sin.

Mark 9:42 "And whosoever shall offend (entrap, entice to sin) one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea."

1Corinthians 6:9-20 "Know ye not that the unrighteous (unsaved) shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. [Expect a change of conduct but remember it's VERY easy and as common as dirt for the offending spouse to manipulate their way back home, including all the religious-language you could possibly imagine!]

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.

Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.

What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's."

The correct heart behind separation is about God's righteousness in the lives of ALL involved. Sometimes a wife's continued presence can give a husband all the excuse he needs to continue being abusive; the wife needs to get out of the way so God can deal with hubby. Pre-established accountability for personal and spiritual conduct is necessary.

Colosians 3:5-7 "Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:

In the which ye also walked some time, when ye lived in them."

Jude 1:7 "Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire."

Lot had to leave Sodom so God was free to judge. When a Christian wife is staying with an unsaved or backslidden husband, God’s hand of judgment is often withheld. The wife remaining enables the husband to continue his sin. In the case of child abuse or incest the wife must remove the child from the abuser. The child can not defend herself. Because the Bible refers to God as our father and Jesus as the son repeatedly in scripture, a child will identify the conduct, absence, neglect, love, or abuse of their earthly father as being synonymous traits of their Heavenly Father. If their daddy is harsh, abusive or neglectful that is how they will perceive God? How can they trust God, when they can’t trust daddy?

Another thing that may happen if the wife stays with her offending husband is that God will go ahead and deal with the wayward spouse and the wife gets squashed in the middle -- reaping the same judgment as her husband BECAUSE she stayed! This is what often happens when child abuse is reported to the authorities (at least in the United States) -- the wife is held EQUALLY responsible, PERIOD! This would also happen if the child grows up bitter -- that bitterness will be toward BOTH parents, both the one who abused AND the one who allowed and enabled the abuse with her silence and inaction.

Making the decision to separate from an offending spouse is never easy. The physical, financial and emotional toll is great. It is very important to establish accountability counselors who will talk with you and keep your confidence. To guard your heart so that Satan is not able to pull you away so that your marriage can’t be healed. In many states separating from your spouse does not require that you file for divorce, often filing for separate maintenance is sufficient.

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