Titus 2 Men And Women

Affects Of Child Abuse

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap." Gal. 6:7

This section looks at some of the long-term affects of child abuse. A common feeling among abuse survivors is that "that was then and it doesn't have anymore affect on my life." Hopefully the information in this section can make you more aware of the long-term dangers to your child if he/she has been abused. Also it may help you recognize that these behaviors and problems are not always the result of deliberate rebellion or willful wickedness but can be symptoms of buried abuse in someone's past. This fact does not excuse the choices people make but can make us more understanding and give us a more powerful grasp on how to pray for and work with someone demonstrating these behaviors.

There is also the possibility that the information in this section can make you aware of the affects of your own background of abuse. Many people tend to think that their past was "normal" when in fact it was abusive. But we can easily think that if we weren't beaten with a baseball bat by a drunken father and dragged around the house by our hair then we weren't abused. Abuse takes many forms. And every form of abuse has devastating and life-long consequences if not addressed with the truth. -- Danette Tucker

"…a broken spirit drieth the bones." Prov. 17:22

The Emotional Toll To The Victim:
Used by permission from the Broken Spirits Network, emphasis added.

"Abuse takes its toll on a body emotionally as well as physically."

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder caused by a traumatic event that is beyond the levels of human experience, such a witnessing a brutal crime, combat in war, or being the victim of a sexual assault or abusive relationship.

Post traumatic stress disorder can occur at any age. Symptoms may be mild or severe, anywhere from mild symptoms, to inability to function in normal life. It is also unknown why some people are more likely to have worse symptoms, but it can be connected to the level of trauma the person had experienced.

The following is a list of common symptoms connected to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Not every symptom applies to everyone, and not all possible symptoms are listed here. If you or someone you know, is a possible sufferer of PTSD, seek the advice of a medical professional. Studies show that the earlier the disorder is spotted, the easier is it to successfully treat.

SYMPTOMS OF POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

Frequent Memories Of The Stressful Event: Whatever the source of the problem, some people with PTSD repeatedly relive the trauma in the form of nightmares and disturbing recollections during the day. Seeing things that are a reminder of the incident may be very distressing, which could lead to avoidance of certain places or situations that bring back those memories. Anniversaries of the event are often very difficult. Ordinary events can serve as reminders of the trauma and trigger flashbacks or intrusive images. A flashback may make the person lose touch with reality and reenact the event for a period of seconds or hours or, very rarely, days. A person having a flashback, which can come in the form of images, sounds, smells, or feelings, usually believes that the traumatic event is happening all over again.

Extreme Depression: depression, to the point of considering suicide, is one of the most common symptoms of PTSD, and also one of the most serious. Depression, at any level, is something that should be taken seriously. A medical professional should be seen as soon as possible if the depression begins to increase in intensity, or remains for long periods at a time.

Sleep Disturbances: Examples of sleeping disorders include: sleeping constantly or insomnia and frequent nightmares.

Extreme Sensitivity To Noises (Causing The Startle Reflex): After a traumatic event, the body maintains an enhanced fight-or-flight reflex, causing the body to respond to loud or sudden noises.

A Generalized Fear Of Others/Paranoia: A person suffering from PTSD will be very likely to shrink and cower when faced with new people, and quite often with people already known. Fear of a re-occurrence of the traumatic event is possibly the reasoning for this behavior.

Other Symptoms Include: emotional numbness, severe mood swings, marital or dating problems, inability to perform sexually, eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse, headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, or discomfort in other parts of the body. Often, doctors treat the symptoms without being aware that they are caused from PTSD. When PTSD is diagnosed, referral to a mental health professional who has had experience treating people with the disorder is recommended.

The significance of the presence of PTSD symptoms cannot be understated. This can often be a parent's first indication of a serious problem that the child cannot verbalize, whether due to lack of understanding or due to fear of further hurt. But very frequently parents overlook this telltale indicator. Read back through that list of symptoms and realize that if your child is demonstrating some of these, you do need to carefully, with prayer for Spirit-led guidance, find out whether your child has been harmed.

There are a couple more symptoms that can be part of PTSD, too. PTSD can hide under a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD. Not all ADHD/ADD is a result of abuse. But inability to concentrate, extreme fidgeting, and inability to be still or silent can all result from a deep unconscious desire to run away from the memories and feelings locked inside. These can be mechanisms to try to bury the thoughts and memories with activity or noise. Another PTSD symptom can be compulsive self-destructive behavior. This is an unconscious compulsion to bring the buried emotional pain to the surface as physical pain in an effort to ease it by making it tangible. This is another manifestation of the same compulsion that expresses itself in suicidal thoughts or attempts.

If a parent does not recognize PTSD for what it means, it is quite likely to continue into or to recur in adulthood. When it recurs in adulthood it can be quite unnerving (because of its sudden and debilitating onset and results) and may have even more dangerous consequences. Many people who are unable to gain true healing for their abusive pasts will live the remainder of their lives in an emotionally crippled, debilitated state, unable to ever achieve their full potential due in part to ongoing effects of PTSD and the other long-term affects of childhood abuse. -- Danette Tucker

EMOTIONAL AND VERBAL ABUSE & ABUSE BY NEGLECT

Used by permission from Broken Spirits Network

Abuse of children is not limited to the physical body. Children who are repeatedly called names, insulted, belittled, intimidated, rejected, criticized, terrorized, or corrupted by those upon whom they are dependent for nurturance have little opportunity to develop any sense of self-worth.

Emotional abuse may also be the result of actions not directed specifically at the child. The prevalence of domestic and community violence exposes children to intimidating and frightening scenes every day. A study at Boston City Hospital found that one in ten children living in an inner city neighborhood had observed a shooting or a knifing by the age of six; half of these incidents occurred in the home and half in the streets. Studies have shown that when children live in homes in which domestic violence is a problem, 75-87% of them witness the violence and 40-60% of them experience abuse themselves, often as a result of being "caught in the middle" of a parental altercation. Children who observe violence react with many of the same psychological symptoms as children who have experienced it directly.

Neglect

Children who are not provided with basic food, shelter, and clothing to the best of their parent's ability are considered neglected. Not surprisingly, neglect is more prevalent in areas of extreme poverty than in other socioeconomic strata. Neglect may be evidenced in undernourishment or failure to thrive. Children may not be able to attend or learn in school because of lack of food or sleep. They may develop rashes or infections that go untreated. Failure to send children to school or otherwise provide for their education may also be considered neglect.

It is important to remember that there are often multiple factors to consider when discussing the results of child abuse. Abuse seldom occurs in isolation; there may be other problems in the family such as alcoholism or the stress of unemployment. Children may also experience multiple forms of abuse. Children may or may not have a supportive relationship with another adult to whom they can turn for support. Children may be abused for an acute period before there is some intervention, or they may experience the trauma chronically and for many years. The child's age and resources, the kind of relationship between the child and the perpetrator, the length and chronicity of the abuse, and the availability of therapy or other intervention services are all factors that contribute to the wide range of long- and short-term outcomes associated with child abuse.

Nonetheless, most children who have been abused experience some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). [See prior section about PTSD.] PTSD in children and adolescents may be acute or delayed, that is, the child may experience symptoms immediately or after a period of time has passed, perhaps when the child feels safe. Symptoms may include re-experiencing the abusive episodes at some level, feeling emotionally numb, or becoming physiologically aroused (elevated heart rate, respiration, and so forth). Children may experience disassociation and appear to "space out" when reminded of the abuse or perpetrator. They may have physical symptoms. They may become enraged or feel guilty at having provoked the episodes or survived them. They may have invasive memories, repeated behaviors, or fears related to the abusive situations. They may act out some of their issues in play -- punishing the bad guy or victimizing another character while playing with dolls or action figures. In severe cases of chronic trauma, the child may develop serious or prolonged disassociation or depression. Severe and chronic abuse has also been implicated in cases of multiple personality disorder.

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit."
Mt. 7:16-18

COMMON VICTIM CHARACTERISTICS

Used by permission from The Broken Spirits Network

Many victims of abusive relationships tend to develop certain characteristics that can be easily identified, if you know what to look for. These characteristics are often developed by the victim as a way of better coping with the events around them.

AVOIDANCE/LIES:

A strong need to protect the abuser is a big warning sign that there is indeed abuse taking place. As a method of coping, abuse victims avoid or lie about things that revolve around their abuse. Origins of bruises and other injuries are the most common and initial warning sign. Another type of avoidance that takes place is sneaking out, or lying about ones' location, in order to be with their abuser. Often times the abuse victim feels obligated to protect their abuser, and will go out of their way in order to do so. This is the first, and most common characteristic of an abuse victim.

DEPRESSION/LOWERED SELF ESTEEM:

Abuse takes it toll on a body emotionally as well as physically. Over time an abuse victim becomes heavily depressed, often times to the point of considering suicide. The victim also develops such a low level of self-esteem, as to gain and lose weight and change their physical appearance on a frequent basis. This is another very serious characteristic, and if suspected, should receive immediate attention.

More Characteristics of the Child Abuse Survivor

• Changes in behavior at school or at home. (withdrawal, inattentiveness, or other unusual behavior)
• Sleep disturbances (insomnia, bed wetting, nightmares)
• Unexplained and sudden fears
• Loss of appetite
• Excessive anger or reckless behavior
• A new reluctance to spend time with certain people
• A need for more reassurance than usual
• Overwhelming knowledge of sexual behavior
• Isolation from friends, limited participation in social activities
• Depression
• Drug or alcohol use
• Chronic running away
• Increase in physical complaints (miscellaneous illnesses)
• Inappropriate attention-getting behavior
• Suicide attempts
• Self inflicted physical abuse (self-mutilation)
• Poor self-esteem
• Problems in school (missing class, grades)
• Prostitution

AFFECTS OF CHILDHOOD (WORD DELETED) ABUSE

Used by permission from www.childlures.com.

Child (Word Deleted) Abuse

A Core Social Problem that Puts Youngsters At Greater Risk for Related Social Problems

Daily, the media reports on an unending litany of health and social problems affecting America's children and youth: drug, alcohol and tobacco abuse, depression, suicide, school drop-out, teen pregnancy, divorce, welfare, homelessness, (word deleted) transmitted diseases, runaways, violent crime and so forth.

While we struggle to combat these persistent health and social ills, they continue to take a heavy toll in terms of human potential and financial resources. The public health factor alone is staggering. The economic toll, in terms of diminished productivity, public assistance, incarceration/probation costs and the like is astronomical. The emotional toll to individuals, families, and society as a whole is simply too vast to imagine.

Buried in all our sincere efforts to solve these pressing issues is a core social problem contributing to many of them: the (Word deleted) Exploitation of Children. These crimes of indescribable betrayal frequently remain cloaked in silence, though visited repeatedly in the minds of victims. The aftermath of such trauma can no longer be disputed. A flood of documentation confirms that (word deleted) abuse leaves its victims profoundly vulnerable to a host of other problems. In fact, every major social issue effecting the education, personal relationships, addictive behavior and mental/physical health of Americans today all-too-often shares the common denominator of childhood (word deleted) abuse.

Not surprisingly, most of us find the thought of childhood (word deleted) abuse extremely disturbing. Sadly, that aversion has caused generations of Americans to skirt this social epidemic rather than address it head-on.

Surely a nation founded on democratic doctrine and upheld as a beacon of hope to the world, a society that can land men on the moon and recover lost treasures from unfathomable sea depths - surely such a nation can live up to its moral obligations as well.
By striving to prevent the (word deleted) exploitation of America's children and youth, we prevent a legion of related social problems that rob our country of its full potential. Lest we forget: children make up only 30% of our population, but a full 100% of our future as a nation. They depend on us to protect them. Let's not let them down.

Poor School Performance/Drop Out:

Victimized children had IQs 13 points below the general average of 100 and severely depressed reading abilities.
The National Institute for Justice, 1991
Cathy Spatz Widom

Smoking:

Smoking is strongly associated with adverse childhood experiences (i.e. [word deleted], emotional or physical abuse; battered mother; parental separation or divorce; growing up with a substance-abusing, mentally ill or incarcerated household member.) Primary prevention of adverse childhood experiences and improved treatment of exposed children could reduce smoking among both adolescents and adults.
JAMA, 1999;282:1652-1658
American Medical Association

Drug & Alcohol Abuse:

(Word deleted) victimized children appear to be at a threefold risk for substance abuse.
Childhood Sexual Abuse: Impact on a community's mental health status
1992, K. D. Scott

Men who have been (word deleted) abused have higher rates of psychological problems, alchohol misuse and self-destructive behavior than men who have not been abused.
The British Medical Journal, Royal Free and University College Medical School
1999, Prof. Michael King

Violence/Arrests:

Abused or neglected children are 67 times more likely to be arrested between ages 9-12 than those who aren't.
The Child Welfare League

Approximately 31% of women in prison state they were (word deleted) abused as children.
U.S. Department of Justice, 1991

Teen Pregnancy:

62% of pregnant and parenting adolescents had experienced molestation, attempted rape, or rape prior to their first pregnancy.
Boyer & Fine, 1993

74% of women who had intercourse before age 14 report a history of forced (word deleted) intercourse.
Alan Guttmacher Institute, 1994

Between 11% and 20% of girls were pregnant as a direct result of rape.
Boyer & Fine, 1993

Women on Welfare:

Over the last decade, six surveys of welfare recipients have produced estimates of (word deleted) abuse that are both diverse and strikingly high. In Paterson, N.J., 24% of the recipients surveyed said they had been (word deleted) abused as children. The figure was 25% in Michigan, 28% in Chicago, 38% in Washington State, 41% in Utah and 42% in Worcester, Mass.

"It is extremely common," said Kathryn Edin, a sociologist at the University of Pennsylvania, who has interviewed hundreds of women on welfare. "Nobody in the policy-making community talks about this, and they should."
The New York Times, November 28, 1999 by Jason DeParle

Runaways:

Abused and neglected children were more than twice as likely to run away from home than non-abused children.
Victims of Childhood (Word deleted) Abuse-Later Criminal Consequences
Cathy Spatz Widom

Over 1,200 kids run away from home every day. It is estimated that 5% (60 kids) are suffering from (word deleted) or physical abuse.
National Runaway Switchboard Curriculum
Chicago, Illinois

Prostitution:

Approximately 95% of teenage prostitutes have been (word deleted) abused.
CT Center for Prevention of Child Abuse, 1992

HIV Infection:

1 in 5 reported AIDS cases is diagnosed in the 20-29 year age group: (the incubation period between HIV infection and AIDS diagnosis is about 10 years) Therefore, many diagnosed in their 20s became infected as teenagers.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, October 1993

Sexually Transmitted Diseases:

Every year 3 million teens acquire a STD.
(Word deleted) and America's Teenagers1994, The Alan Guttmacher Institute

Low Self-Esteem/Depression/Suicide:

Abused girls were twice as likely as non-abused girls to:

• have low self-confidence
• suffer depression
• engage in bingeing or purging behavior

Adolescent boys who were (word deleted) or physically abused were:

• 3 times more likely to suffer from depression
• 2 times as likely to have suicidal thoughts
• 4 times as likely to engage in bingeing or purging than non-abused boys

The Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls 1997, Louis Harris and Associates, Inc.

AFFECTS OF (WORD DELETED) ABUSE ON EDUCATION

Used by permission from www.childlures.com

Educational Reform
The (Word deleted) Betrayal of Children

Roadblock to Educational Reform by Kenneth Wooden

"The issue of educational accountability is now before Congress, with high priority status from both President Bush and the American People. In this technological age, ensuring the excellence of our schools and students is paramount to our country's future.

Curiously, in the reform discussions now before Congress, there has been no mention of one very real obstacle to improving the academic performance of students and schools: the tragically high incidence of childhood (word deleted) abuse and its detrimental effect on learning.
According to the American Medical Association, "(Word deleted) assault is a 'violent, silent epidemic,' growing at an alarming rate and traumatizing the women and children of our nation." Over 61% of female victims are children. U.S. Justice Department and National Institute of Mental Health statistics provide yet more sobering insight with these telling numbers: 44,320 known child predators in prison; l68,000 on parole; with perpetrators averaging l43 victims (up from 68 victims in l980.) There are virtually millions of young American students coping with the physical and mental scars of (word deleted) abuse. "The mental scars of any type of victimization last a lifetime," says Marilyn Benoit, M.D., psychiatrist and member of the American Medical Association's National Advisory Council on Family Violence.

Years of research, including Fordham University's highly respected "Index of Social Health for Children and Youth," document the multitude of social and personal circumstances that can paralyze a child's ability to learn. High among them is childhood (word deleted) abuse, a core problem that leaves its young victims at much greater risk of learning and behavior problems, poor reading scores, low IQ, and school drop-out, as well as related multiple high-risk behaviors like substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and prostitution.

In our quest for long range educational improvement, it is vitally important that we make every effort to prevent (word deleted) abuse and its proven harmful effect on the ability of children to learn. Those who are skeptical of this premise may want to ponder why 4th grade American students rank near the top in worldwide test results, but have dropped to nearly last place by 12th grade. Could there be a correlation between that academic decline and the fact that 57% of (word deleted) assaults occur to children between the ages of ten and twelve? (Roughly 4th-6th grade.)

Research aside, common sense dictates that a child who has been victimized will find concentrating on the three R's a difficult task. Why then hasn't (word deleted) abuse prevention entered into the discourse on educational reform? It is human nature to avoid distressing problems, and what could be more disturbing than the (word deleted) betrayal of innocent children? Consequently, the issue remains hidden behind a curtain of national denial, virtually erased from the national conscience. Meanwhile, the number of victims continues to rise.

For generations, government, schools, communities and parents alike have taken a woefully inadequate approach to preventing these crimes. Since at least the l920's, there's been an emphasis on well-meaning but misguided advice based on the "Never Talk to Strangers" doctrine and "The Buddy System." But in the real world, these meager hand-me-down approaches with their cut and paste ideas are so superficial and outdated that they prevent little. In fact, they are dangerously flawed when applied to just about any situation that endangers a child's life or innocence.

Educational reform that does not include relevant and comprehensive (word deleted) abuse prevention efforts will prove sorely inadequate. As we know all too well, any problem left unattended can fester and compound into a more serious problem. As President Bush said in his Inaugural Address:
"We must show courage in a time of blessing, by confronting problems instead of passing them on to future generations..."
If America desires long-term educational reform, we must finally confront every parent's worst nightmare, rather than passing it on to yet another generation. Without strong advocacy for the personal safety of all children, the issue of childhood (word deleted) exploitation will persist as a major roadblock in achieving significant improvements in American education. Only by confronting and addressing the (word deleted) betrayal of our children can educational advancement begin to resonate in schools across the American landscape.

The window of opportunity is open for educational reform. The question is, will that window be opened wide enough to shed enlightenment through the dark curtain of denial? History will judge."
- Kenneth Wooden

CHILDHOOD ABUSE LEADS TO INABILITY TO FORM HEALTHY ADULT RELATIONSHIPS

Another long-term affect of childhood abuse is the inability to form healthy adult relationships. A person who has experienced abuse often has a deep need to be "needed." Unfortunately, this leaves them vulnerable to co-dependent relationships. They tend to be attracted to "helping" people who need them; particularly those who are people "users." Adult victims of child abuse can tend to thrive on the apparent love and appreciation of those they are helping and not realize that the one they are helping is demanding far more than is healthy in the relationship.

This can be hard to recognize for the adult victim of child abuse because they may genuinely believe they are doing a good thing in helping and sacrificing for someone else. But when one person demands an inordinate amount of the time and attention of someone else, this is out of balance. Also the "user" may demand (or manipulate through guilt, condemnation or inordinate praise) that the "helper" conform to their views on everything from politics, to religion, to how to decorate their home, to what to eat for dinner. This is a relationship that is out of balance and unhealthy.

This same difficulty occurs in romantic relationships, from dating through marriage. An adult (or teenage) victim of childhood abuse may be drawn to those who "need" to be loved -- the underdog or the "wounded puppy." But those who "need" to be loved are incapable of truly loving in return, which guarantees an out-of-balance relationship which cannot hope to meet the needs of either party. There is also a corresponding likelihood that this one who "needs" to be loved will turn out to be an abuser themselves. This leads to another common affect of childhood abuse -- marriage to an abusive spouse.

Very often a victim of childhood abuse grows up determined not to marry someone like her abusive parent. So, if she had an alcoholic father, she won't date or marry someone who drinks. But, because of those underlying affects of abuse that have been discussed previously in this section, she doesn't realize she is still vulnerable to being attracted to an abusive person. For instance, while she wouldn't think of dating or marrying someone who drinks, she doesn't recognize that the man who pursues her aggressively and "loves her SO much" that he pushes to accelerate their relationship into intimacy or marriage is an abuser. He is an emotional abuser who uses manipulation to control others. This problem will only get worse once those vows are said!

Because of their own "invisible" affects of abuse and preconceptions the adult victims of childhood abuse may not be able to recognize the signs of a future abuser -- whether it's (word deleted) dishonesty, manipulation, cruelty disguised as "intolerance of evil" or whatever. The behaviors that would trigger alarm bells in someone who had a healthy upbringing fall within the realm of "normal" to someone who has grown up in an abusive environment and remain invisible until the clarity of hindsight reveals the truth. -- Danette Tucker

CHILDHOOD ABUSE LEADS TO SPIRITUAL CRIPPLING & ABUSE

By Danette Tucker

"Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden
part thou shalt make me to know wisdom." Ps. 51:6

One of the "silent" consequences of abuse is that is leads to an inaccurate and crippling misunderstanding of the nature of God and His relation to us. This misunderstanding results when abuse occurs within the family or when parents do not stand up for and proactively address the abuse experienced by their children, even at the hands of someone outside their family. A parent's silence (even unintentional) teaches a child that God responds the same way to their private pain.

There are several different ways this causes long-term misunderstanding of God. Probably the first and foremost is that it teaches children an inaccurate definition of what God's love is like. If the parents who love him do not defend him, that teaches the child that God's love does not include defending or protecting him. It teaches the child that God's love is more of a theoretical concept rather than literally comforting, nurturing, caring and proactive.

If parents hold their child's pain at arms' length (even unintentionally) this teaches the child that God holds them at arms' length. It teaches that God is distant, not readily accessible or available. It also teaches them to fundamentally doubt that God will REALLY hear and answer them in times of their greatest need. And if God is not available during times of the greatest duress, how available is He in the ordinary events of life?

If a child learns that his parents can't be trusted with his deepest concerns and pain and if they fail him when he needs them most, this teaches a child that God is not trustworthy. He cannot be "leaned on" but rather the child must learn to "pull himself up by his own bootstraps." This fundamental philosophy of life will also cripple this child's future relationships and ability to function as an adult. He will be unable to trust his spouse, his boss, his financial stability (which should be resting on God, not on his own ability to work hard enough), etc.

Another common set of theological errors "taught" by parents when they do not address their child's abuse correctly (possibly because of their own abused past) is an inaccurate understanding of God's will, God's sovereignty and our role in submission to Him.

The Word says that God gives His children good gifts (Mt. 7:11) and that a fundamental characteristic of His nature is that He is good (Mt. 19:17). God who is fundamentally good cannot deliberately will to bring evil into the life of someone. (Keep in mind that there is a difference here between God deliberately bringing someone harm in a malicious way and God allowing painful consequences as a result of our sinful choices.) However, with man's choice to sin, Satan has been given authority on this earth and it is Satan who seeks to kill, steal and destroy (Jn. 10:10). God allows Satan a measure of free reign. Nothing can come to us that God hasn't seen in advance (Job 1:6-12) but God doesn't Himself will for us to be hurt. So it is wrong to believe that God "willed" for someone to be abused. In His sovereignty He knows what will happen, but that doesn't mean that He is the initiator of the event.

At the same time, submission to God's sovereignty doesn't mean that we're expected to accept every evil thing that happens as being from God's hand, therefore, we are to do nothing to stop it. God's message of turning the other cheek does not include absolution of a violator from the responsibility for their actions. Satan loves it when we believe this because it keeps us captive to his assault! If God does not do evil to me, then why would He expect me to stay (or to allow my children to stay) in an abusive situation when it is within my power to do something about it? There is a wrong understanding of submission to "God's will" that teaches a "whatever will be, will be" attitude toward life -- a fatalistic mentality that believes I can do nothing, and should do nothing, to change or fight the evil around me.

The truth is that God has given us as parents the responsibility to protect, defend and provide for the welfare of our children. Not only is this something that God requires of us, it is also required of us by our human governing authorities. And God holds us responsible to obey those governing authorities (Rom. 13:1-2). Therefore, as parents we are not excused from confronting the evil that has been perpetuated against our children. That may require huge personal sacrifice, because it may cost us dear friends, jobs and the security of our lifestyle, but it is our God-given responsibility -- not an option.

Another inaccurate theological understanding that commonly comes out of an abusive past is a misunderstanding of the difference between our responsibility to forgive and our responsibility to reconcile with those who have offended us. God says that we must forgive those who harm us. This can seem like a very hard thing. The only alternative to forgiveness is bitterness. That's why God insists on us forgiving others. We must forgive others so that we are freed from emotional bondage to the offending party and so that our consciences can be clean before God. (Mt. 6:12-15, Luke 6:37)

However, there is a vast difference between God's requirement that we forgive someone for their offense and God's requirement that we reconcile with them. God says that reconciliation with that offender is dependent on their repentance! (Luke 17:3-4) In fact, God gives absolutely clear instructions about how we are to confront those in sin, including ultimately, completely withdrawing from them if they do not repent. (Mt. 18:15-17)

God's instruction to us about obeying our human authorities applies here too. Our human authorities require that child abuse be reported to the governing authorities. Child abuse is against the law. When we, in the name of "turning the other cheek", "protecting the ministry," "forgiveness," or "preserving the family," disobey this law we are disobeying God Himself. And when we as parents deal with our children's abuse this way, we teach them to pass that heritage on to their own children as well, perpetuating this cycle on to another generation.

These wrong understandings of God in turn make people vulnerable to spiritual abuse. Spiritually abusive churches and leaders teach just this type of theology, so it sounds "right" to someone who has this misunderstanding of the nature of God. And unfortunately, spiritually abusive churches and ministries are very often centers of further child abuse -- again perpetuating the cycle of abuse even further.

Another reason that a background of abuse puts a person at increased risk of being attracted to a spiritually abusive environment is that, unconsciously, someone who has been abused is ruled by feelings of guilt and shame. They feel "bad" at their deepest roots. So it feels "right" to be in an environment that presupposes that they are "bad" and in need of constant reprimands, public humilation, reminders of their wickedness, and a strict outward control system.

This strict outward control is also something that subconsciously appeals to victims of abuse. Because of their underlying feelings of guilt and shame, it is appealing to be told that if you just measure up to this list of "standards" of behavior you will be acceptable to God. This system of legalism provides a false sense of righteousness, and is guaranteed to fail ultimately, because there is always someone with a little different list! The primary fallacy of this teaching is that God says our righteousness is already an accomplished fact in Christ (II Cor. 5:21) and we can add nothing to it with "laws". In fact, He is quite clear in Gal. 3:1-3 and 5:1-26 that adding on laws actually stands in the way of our growth in Christ. Not only are these "laws" not beneficial, they are in fact harmful.

THE WORST AFFECT OF ALL

The ultimate affect of child abuse, if not addressed correctly, is that the child will either become an abuser themselves or they will in turn be unable to protect their own children from abuse, and thus the cycle continues.

There are many instances of a child who has been abused abusing other children while he is still a child himself. The boy or girl who has been (word deleted) abused will sometimes turn that behavior onto other children, either of their same age or younger. An adult who has experienced child abuse may well perpetuate abuse upon his or her own children or to seek a position as an adult that allows them contact with children they can abuse.

A parent who is not himself abusive, but who experienced child abuse, may unconsciously leave his children at risk and be unable to protect or defend his child. This failure is because of those fundamental misunderstandings of how his background of abuse continues to affect him and his beliefs. Satan takes advantage of this weakness and preys on the children of those who were abused themselves. -- Danette Tucker

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