Affects Of Child Abuse

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

This same difficulty occurs in romantic relationships, from dating through marriage. An adult (or teenage) victim of childhood abuse may be drawn to those who "need" to be loved -- the underdog or the "wounded puppy." But those who "need" to be loved are incapable of truly loving in return, which guarantees an out-of-balance relationship which cannot hope to meet the needs of either party. There is also a corresponding likelihood that this one who "needs" to be loved will turn out to be an abuser themselves. This leads to another common affect of childhood abuse -- marriage to an abusive spouse.

Very often a victim of childhood abuse grows up determined not to marry someone like her abusive parent. So, if she had an alcoholic father, she won't date or marry someone who drinks. But, because of those underlying affects of abuse that have been discussed previously in this section, she doesn't realize she is still vulnerable to being attracted to an abusive person. For instance, while she wouldn't think of dating or marrying someone who drinks, she doesn't recognize that the man who pursues her aggressively and "loves her SO much" that he pushes to accelerate their relationship into intimacy or marriage is an abuser. He is an emotional abuser who uses manipulation to control others. This problem will only get worse once those vows are said!

Because of their own "invisible" affects of abuse and preconceptions the adult victims of childhood abuse may not be able to recognize the signs of a future abuser -- whether it's (word deleted) dishonesty, manipulation, cruelty disguised as "intolerance of evil" or whatever. The behaviors that would trigger alarm bells in someone who had a healthy upbringing fall within the realm of "normal" to someone who has grown up in an abusive environment and remain invisible until the clarity of hindsight reveals the truth. -- Danette Tucker

CHILDHOOD ABUSE LEADS TO SPIRITUAL CRIPPLING & ABUSE

By Danette Tucker

"Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden
part thou shalt make me to know wisdom." Ps. 51:6

One of the "silent" consequences of abuse is that is leads to an inaccurate and crippling misunderstanding of the nature of God and His relation to us. This misunderstanding results when abuse occurs within the family or when parents do not stand up for and proactively address the abuse experienced by their children, even at the hands of someone outside their family. A parent's silence (even unintentional) teaches a child that God responds the same way to their private pain.

There are several different ways this causes long-term misunderstanding of God. Probably the first and foremost is that it teaches children an inaccurate definition of what God's love is like. If the parents who love him do not defend him, that teaches the child that God's love does not include defending or protecting him. It teaches the child that God's love is more of a theoretical concept rather than literally comforting, nurturing, caring and proactive.

If parents hold their child's pain at arms' length (even unintentionally) this teaches the child that God holds them at arms' length. It teaches that God is distant, not readily accessible or available. It also teaches them to fundamentally doubt that God will REALLY hear and answer them in times of their greatest need. And if God is not available during times of the greatest duress, how available is He in the ordinary events of life?

If a child learns that his parents can't be trusted with his deepest concerns and pain and if they fail him when he needs them most, this teaches a child that God is not trustworthy. He cannot be "leaned on" but rather the child must learn to "pull himself up by his own bootstraps." This fundamental philosophy of life will also cripple this child's future relationships and ability to function as an adult. He will be unable to trust his spouse, his boss, his financial stability (which should be resting on God, not on his own ability to work hard enough), etc.

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

This page has been displayed 14 times this month, 2029 times since January 2, 2005 .