Affects Of Child Abuse

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

Another common set of theological errors "taught" by parents when they do not address their child's abuse correctly (possibly because of their own abused past) is an inaccurate understanding of God's will, God's sovereignty and our role in submission to Him.

The Word says that God gives His children good gifts (Mt. 7:11) and that a fundamental characteristic of His nature is that He is good (Mt. 19:17). God who is fundamentally good cannot deliberately will to bring evil into the life of someone. (Keep in mind that there is a difference here between God deliberately bringing someone harm in a malicious way and God allowing painful consequences as a result of our sinful choices.) However, with man's choice to sin, Satan has been given authority on this earth and it is Satan who seeks to kill, steal and destroy (Jn. 10:10). God allows Satan a measure of free reign. Nothing can come to us that God hasn't seen in advance (Job 1:6-12) but God doesn't Himself will for us to be hurt. So it is wrong to believe that God "willed" for someone to be abused. In His sovereignty He knows what will happen, but that doesn't mean that He is the initiator of the event.

At the same time, submission to God's sovereignty doesn't mean that we're expected to accept every evil thing that happens as being from God's hand, therefore, we are to do nothing to stop it. God's message of turning the other cheek does not include absolution of a violator from the responsibility for their actions. Satan loves it when we believe this because it keeps us captive to his assault! If God does not do evil to me, then why would He expect me to stay (or to allow my children to stay) in an abusive situation when it is within my power to do something about it? There is a wrong understanding of submission to "God's will" that teaches a "whatever will be, will be" attitude toward life -- a fatalistic mentality that believes I can do nothing, and should do nothing, to change or fight the evil around me.

The truth is that God has given us as parents the responsibility to protect, defend and provide for the welfare of our children. Not only is this something that God requires of us, it is also required of us by our human governing authorities. And God holds us responsible to obey those governing authorities (Rom. 13:1-2). Therefore, as parents we are not excused from confronting the evil that has been perpetuated against our children. That may require huge personal sacrifice, because it may cost us dear friends, jobs and the security of our lifestyle, but it is our God-given responsibility -- not an option.

Another inaccurate theological understanding that commonly comes out of an abusive past is a misunderstanding of the difference between our responsibility to forgive and our responsibility to reconcile with those who have offended us. God says that we must forgive those who harm us. This can seem like a very hard thing. The only alternative to forgiveness is bitterness. That's why God insists on us forgiving others. We must forgive others so that we are freed from emotional bondage to the offending party and so that our consciences can be clean before God. (Mt. 6:12-15, Luke 6:37)

However, there is a vast difference between God's requirement that we forgive someone for their offense and God's requirement that we reconcile with them. God says that reconciliation with that offender is dependent on their repentance! (Luke 17:3-4) In fact, God gives absolutely clear instructions about how we are to confront those in sin, including ultimately, completely withdrawing from them if they do not repent. (Mt. 18:15-17)

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

This page has been displayed 20 times this month, 1556 times since January 1, 2005 .