Helping The Abused To Heal

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For Titus 2 Men and Women.org.
http://www.Titus2MenAndWomen.org

Because the majority of abuse victims are girls, I will use the feminine gender in this lesson. However, the steps for healing are the same for either a boy or a girl.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

In order for a child to heal emotionally from abuse she must learn to trust again. When a child’s trust in the parents and family they know is damaged their ability to trust in God is also marred. When they can not safely trust the parent they see, how can they believe an unseen Heavenly Father will do a better job of loving and caring for them?

Job 8:13-15 "So are the paths of all that forget God; and the hypocrite's hope shall perish: Whose hope shall be cut off, and whose trust shall be a spider's web. He shall lean upon his house, but it shall not stand: he shall hold it fast, but it shall not endure."

Rebuilding trust is a time consuming task. The child needs to express what happened to them and how they feel about it without fear of blame or punishment. They may begin to tell you something and then stop, unsure of your reaction. If you are patient and non-judgmental, little by little an abused child will tell you their whole story, if they have been removed from the danger of continuing abuse. A child who is still in fear of continuing abuse is more likely to defend their abuser than to tell the truth. It is very important to allow the child to tell her story in her own words. If you try to help her tell the story you may plant false ‘facts’ in her story. The child may agree with you to win your approval not realizing that she is embellishing the facts. Two pivotal things to remember are:

1. Every child believes that what happens in her home happens in every home. They have no other point of reference.
2. All of the blame for the abuse belongs to the abuser.

The love, care, nurturing and protection of a child are the parent’s responsibility.

Psalm 127:3 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 "Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth."

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Since most abusers are family members or close friends of a family member and the abuse often takes place in the home of the child or family member the child cannot feel safe. Sadly in cases of incest the victim is often not believed or in an effort to protect the ‘family reputation’ the child’s abuse is ignored. When the parents fail in any area of responsibility the child is taught a lie. The child is taught that there is something bad or evil about them that allows their parents to fail to meet their need. The child may feel they are too naughty, too loud, too unattractive, too dumb, too clumsy, etc. These feelings are often reinforced by actual words that are said to them. In cases of sexual abuse the child is sometimes told she is too pretty. When the child believes that any of these lies are the truth that belief will become an integral part of her personality and affect her actions and reactions in dealing with other people.

One of the first issues an abused child faces is physical pain. How can such horrible pain be caused by love? If love hurts this much, I don’t want to love anyone or anything. As a way of coping with the pain, it is common for the abused child to mentally escape into a safe place. They may believe themselves to be dead, or away on an island, or floating on a cloud, etc. while whatever pain is being inflicted on them is happening to someone else.

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