My Child

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As parents we have gotten our share of painful news during our marriage of now, 33 years. The only child born from my womb was born expected to die. When God allowed him to live we were told that he would not be much more than a vegetable. But God….Joe grew up very smart and became a gifted pianist. Then came the day when we heard the doctors say that he had an inoperable brain tumor…and the day the phone call came telling us that our son had gone to Heaven. As emotionally trying and sad as all of that news was at the times we heard it there is one other revelation that seemed somehow worse than all of the aforementioned put together. Worse? Yes, because of the intense suffocating affect of the guilt and anger that surfaced in our hearts when we heard the words, "Mommy, he touches me and hurts me! "This news that our trusted friend and pastor had repeatedly molested our precious five year old daughter inside of our church and school building was devastating.

Twenty years have passed and as I write this I still feel the rage of that moment deep in my heart. I remember my husband's agony and his humanity wanting to find a loaded gun. In my mind's eye, I see our very precious little girl-hurting and stunned at the pain on her mom and dad's face and in our words. I remember how tightly my husband and I held each other as we wept….asking, why God? Why? We are Christians, God…..he is our pastor…..why? As parents, guilt and shame engulfed us, for we had been violated also.

When the truth was uncovered there were eleven little girls that had fallen prey to that (word omitted) predator. Eleven church families crushed and raped…Christian, Baptist, God fearing and God honoring families. The pastor, himself a victim of childhood (word omitted) abuse, went to prison for many, many years.

How did this happen in our family? It happened because, like so many other Christian families around the world-we never considered that it could ever happen to us. However, God's Word tells us the rain falls on the just and the unjust…and I want to tell you that you need to prepare for rain and carry a good umbrella all of the time.

In so many ways we had learned how to avoid disasters in our children's lives before they even had a chance to happen: we put safety tabs in the electrical outlets, we locked up or stored up high, dangerous chemicals, we put the side rails up on the cribs, we took precautions with our food to avoid food poisoning, we positioned our children in bed to avoid S.I.D.S. , we made sure the car seat was the right kind and size , we made sure the toys didn't have small parts that may be swallowed, etc. We realized that disasters from these things could happen at any time. We one day sadly realized that there is a far greater disaster that should also be prepared for….predators.

We were in a small church where everyone knew, loved, and trusted each other. We thought we were protecting our children securely…never letting them spend the night in another home without us, watching them in crowds and around strangers, protecting what they saw, heard, and where they went. I was careful to take these precautions because I was abused as a child by my mother and my brother in my home. I knew (word omitted) predators existed….evil demented people with twisted minds. So we lived cautiously and happily-revolving our lives around our local church family where we felt secure and safe from evil.

For twenty years I have watched my daughter grow in to a beautiful woman who loves her God and serves Him with her whole heart. I have also watched some residue from the abuse surface in her life. As God opened doors and entrusted me to mentor women to victory over their damaged yesterdays, I did all that I could to help my daughter deal with hers. We both have known for many years that God trusted us with this hurt so that we may one day help other women heal from being abused-and families to prevent this from happening in their lives. Kristina is now old enough and ready to let God use her testimony of His grace. She put her testimony on the web site-"Trust From The Ashes Of Abuse".

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