My Child

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While ours is a story about a fallen pastor in a church building, a (word omitted) predator can be anyone that we know Unfortunately, more often than not the people who molest children are friends of the family.  (… in 90% of child (word omitted) abuse cases, the child knows and trusts the person who commits the abuse (Finklehor 1994))

It is hard to cope when the person who hurt your child-and your family-was a trusted friend or family member. I know several women who as children were (word omitted) molested by their grandfathers…some by uncles and cousins…some by brothers, fathers, and even sisters and mothers. I know many people who can tell a story about a neighbor…or a dear friend or clergy. It happens…the threat is real and there is no way to tell who these people may be.

Our daughter was molested over several months. After we learned what had taken place I looked back and saw problems that I did not recognize as possible signs of child abuse. She had nightmares, her personality changed, she became fearful-- something we noted as shyness. In looking back guilt overwhelmed us…guilt of not protecting our daughter, of not knowing what was happening to our own child. We berated ourselves for months…for years for not recognizing that abuse … it happens!

We never fathomed that a heart could hurt as badly as ours. The question that ate at us was "why didn't she tell us?" Our family was allowed to have open discussions…which may sound strange but I have known many, many Christian families that never allowed a negative word to be spoken without punishment given for gossip. From counseling other women, both mothers of abused children and women who were abused children, the answer to that question that ate at us, has many answers: shame, ignorance about what is happening, fear from being threatened, and this will be addressed in the body of this work.

I do not want anything that is said in this article to cause unfounded fear and/or panic. My desire in sharing this tragedy is to prepare parents…teach parents so that you can protect your children. Twenty years ago there was no campaign to wipe out child abuse…there were no "touch and tell" programs in schools. There was no push for parents to warn their children…or to prepare parents for what may happen by someone they know. My husband and I were ignorant of the facts and we felt we had done all that we could do to protect our children from harm. We paid a horrific price for failing to protect our children by training them for the possibility that they may come in contact with a predator.

Our staff has gathered and written material to help you to understand that child abuse happens. We are not going to attempt to re-write what we have found as resources for you…rather, we will give credit where credit is due. Some of the following material is from secular sources and there are no graphic illustrations nor are there graphic definitions for (word omitted) child abuse. We have, however provided a way that you can get a comprehensive explanation if you want it….which I do recommend as needful for every parent-Christian or not.

God's Word tells us in Ephesians 5: 14-17
--"Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.
--See then that ye walk circumspectly (diligently looking in all directions at once), not as fools, but as wise ,
--Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
--Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is."

I pray that the information in this section will help each who read it to do just that…walk circumspectly as they pray to arise from indifference to this malady in our society today.

~~Sharon Merhalski

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