Why Children Don't Tell

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Generational Sin

By Teddi Neevel

To break the bondage of sin, to prevent this generation from believing that abuse is acceptible, we must listen when a child talks. We must believe what they say. We must stand up and protect their innocence.

What one generation silently tolerates, the next generation condones and by the third generation the sin has become openly acceptable behavior. This is generational sin. It is based in the principle of sowing and reaping. If you only plant beans you will reap beans and not corn. If you allow the crop you have planted to go to seed, next year (generation) you will have a bigger crop.

Exodus 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

"Perpetrators go to great lengths to conceal (word omitted) abuse. Children who have been (word omited) abused may not report the behavior due to threats or to a lack of understanding of what has happened. In addition, they may be confused by the simultaneous physical arousal they may feel and the clearly covert, possibly threatening nature of the event." ---Author/s: Doreen Arcus, Ph.D. University of Massachusetts Lowell

Information given me by my daughter and others I have counseled has allowed me to see that there are many reasons that children don't tell their parents that they are being violated. The most repeated reason that I have heard? The horrific nature of the threats made by the predator to the child. These perverted sin infested adults go to any length to guarantee silence.

Another less thought about reason is that adults aren't listening when children attempt to tell. This, I believe is because of apathy…adults just not thinking that it can and does happen to their children, and to children that they know who may be trying to tell them they are being violated…or are uneasy around someone they sense has those intentions. My daughter became hesitant about going to our pastor's house to be with his wife and ride the ponies…. Something she loved to do. I never 'heard' her heart or questioned why.

One other thought about why children don't tell…and about their feelings after they do tell is found in the following from my daughter's testimony:

"First of all, I was upset at myself for telling my parents. Pastor was taken from me and I did not understand. All I knew was that as soon as I said something I did not see him again. Sometimes in life things are done to us that we do not understand. . I rebelled in my heart at that, because he was my preacher. I understand now though the terrible pain and anguish my parents were going through. Something had been done to their little girl and they were not there to stop it. I am very thankful that the lines of communication were open in our home and that I felt comfortable going to my parents. If my parents never believed me or never let me share what was in my heart, only the Lord knows where I would be today."

Please keep the lines of communication open with your children…. And listen to their every word and notice their every action…and believe them! ---Sharon Merhalski

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