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Squirrels ................

400 lb squirrels

I got the same visual on the 400 lb squirrel, only I woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare about the beast pinning me on my back in the backyard showing teeth and growling. My wife woke up with me and asked me what's wrong, so I told her. She laughed so hard, then turned on her nightlight and started making hand shadows on the wall of a giant squirrel (with sound effects). Yeah, I went and slept on the couch. I may need some professional help with this one.
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SQUIRREL BE GONE

THANKS EVERYONE for the good laugh from your stories, they are all just so funny. I guess because I can relate to all of them, there are woods on all four sides of our yard, and the squirrels are everywhere. I have a bird feeder which has glass down both sides all the way to the bottom of the ledge just enough space for a small amount of seed to come out. It has a fill hole about two inches square with a latch that I put on so nothing could get into the feeder(like a snake waiting for a bird). The other day my granddaughter was sitting on the ground staring at the feeder which had no birds on it at the time. But when I looked at the feeder I could see it was filled with half feed and half squirrel, it had somehow figured out how to unlatch and remove the wooden stopper on the top of the feeder and climbed inside feeding to his hearts content. Well when he realized he was being watched he paniced because in the excitement he couldn't get out, the bird feeded was shacking as if a whirlwind was inside a paper bag. My grandaughter just stood there wondering what was going on finally the squirrel fought his way out and made his escape into a nearby tree. JUST TO RETURN THE NEXT DAY

Pesky Squirrels

Originally posted by muddy knees:
A couple of days ago, I was quietly eating breakfast, reading a book and looking out my bay window into my garden, and he appeared on top of my wooded fence - the squirrel that I call "Scar" (sometime ago in his miserable little life, he somehow got a scar down one side of his back so he's easy to identify). I froze in mid chew, milk dribbling down my chin. He just sat there looking at me with those beady little eyes, teasing me, surely laughing to himself about my latest weak attempts at ending his life. My wife looked up and said "What is it?" "There he is", I whispered with purpose. I snuck over to the door, grabbing my trusty frizbee, planning how I will fling open the door and launch a pin-point strike to his skull, all in one quick, fluid motion. The door flew open, Scar twitched in surprise, frozen in uncertainty, I whipped back and released the frisbee with focussed intent. Just then, I noticed my neighbor's kids, off to the right, all of us in full view of each other. It then hit me - I am standing in a ridiculous, post-frizbee-throwing pose in my underwear, my milk-smeared face obviously intent on killing a furry little animal. By the time I regain my attention on the outcome of the attack, the frisbee has broken one of my tomato plants in half and there's no sight of Scar. I can hear my wife cackling in fully belly laughter behind me, followed by laughter from the kids. And in my mind I heard this spawn of evil snickering to itself. Run, Scar, run for now. But my time will come.

Squirrels-the other whit meat!!! LOL

I only have two squirrels here. While I try my best to feed them corn and such, they continue to get in our bird feeders. I recently made my wife a redwood bird feeder so big it takes 2 suet cakes and 4 coffee cans of seed to fill; seems it's a squirrel buffet! I hung that thing 6 feet off the ground (of course now I'm the only one who can reach it to fill it) and one of them jumps straight up and on to it.
I'm making a whole feeder "tree" in my workshop now for her from redwood. Gonna be 8 feet tall and have arms to hold 4 feeders on the arms plus the big one on top and a 36 inch round one below. I'm going to wrap a round coil spring around the edges to see if that makes the little buggers fall off...gotta try something! If it works I'll scan a pic so you all can try it, but as everyone knows making a squirrel proof feeder is as big a mystery as the meaning of life-lol
I'd hate to kill them, we've watched them grow from babies for 2 years .But if I have to...into the skillet they go!!!! (Us country boys grew up on squirrel) Just let 'em eat and fatten 'em up!!! RASTUS

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Mad Squirrel Disease

I think I get Mad Squirrel Disease from seeing all the damage they do to my flowerbeds. Last week as I was bent over working in my flowerbeds I noticed squirrels were chewing on brown pinecones and dropping them to the ground once they ate the seeds off the petals. Then without any warning at all, the little boogers got me on the head with a heavy green pinecone dropped from around the top of a 60' pine tree that just rang my bell. Then I hear all those little critters up there laughing at me. I think I'm up against a squirrel "GANG". Then I go into the house, grab my gun and put on a hardhat only to be called a murder and asked if I were haviing a Vietnam flashback by my wife as I went out the back door. What will they do next, gang up and rush me? I just don't know anymore.

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