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I started TALKING like I knew who God was. I didn't, but I listened to the way other Godly ladies in the church spoke and started copying how they said things.  I practiced using the words........blessing.......praise.........trial.....Godly.........led by the Spirit......and many others. I practiced telling people one nice thing about themselves at the very beginning of each conversation I would have, even if it was a "HI" in a hallway, I would respond with "oh, you look so nice in that color".......I CONSCIOUSLY and PRE-MEDITATELY (not a word, huh?) started talking and acting like a believer in God....even though I  really didn't have a clue......... Isn’t that how I taught my children to be polite? To take care of their rooms?  To be productive citizens?  Didn’t I tell them to do something, even though they didn’t have a CLUE how to do it, and expect them to do it until it became a habit and then a way of life??? And you know what?????

It started becoming a HABIT to talk that way, to pray,  to get up that early, to read my Bible.  It started feeling NATURAL to say things like, "I asked the Lord for his leading in ________ (fill in the blank). I discovered what I was doing was REPLACING EVIL WITH GOOD (Gen. 50:20, Amos 4:14, Romans 12:21),  a Biblical principal and the ONLY way to get rid of not only your depressive thoughts, but your NON action.  You CANNOT  wait for someone else to do it for you.  I was SO embarrassed and I felt tongue tied A LOT, even though I am a trained public speaker.

THEN an amazing thing happened. I couldn't live WITHOUT getting up at 5:30 every morning, I didn't even have to set the alarm, I just got up. I LIVED to open my prayer journal and see which blessings God answered for the people I was praying for.  I looked forward to meeting other people that I was praying for, to see if their prayers were being answered . AND THEY WERE being answered.  My prayer journal was becoming so full, I had to create new ways to pray over my lists. I tried a different way I had been told about once, but it didn't work, so I went back to my old way.

All of a sudden it felt funny to not use the word "blessing" or "Jesus" in a sentence........all of what I was practicing and pretending, finally became ME.

And that is the way I did it. I have never written this out before. I have been struggling with something very terrible these past few weeks, I could literally FEEL myself slipping back into that very dark hole.   But reaching out and helping another person with depression is EXACTLY what God knew I needed.  Just to review how the depression disappeared without medication and WITH GOD is refreshing.  That whole II Cor 1:3-7 principal again.  God is still God and if he did if for me, after the sinful HORRIBLE life I lived for 7 years, he can do it for you too.

BUT.......YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR PART........you have to TRY, even if it is like walking in a dark room.  See,  the difference in these dark rooms is you KNOW all about the dark room of depression.  You know your room, I did. And you know where to hide in this room, it is an INWARD room.  I knew where all the cracks and corners were.  I knew where to hide, but I also knew where the door was, I was just too scared and too wrapped up in myself to reach for the doorknob.  I am talking about walking into an UNKNOWN room where Jesus is present.  He is light, so as soon as you locate Jesus, He will light the way for you out of that OUTWARD room and into a life full of the brightness of His presence. 

You HAVE to try something, to take the first step, even if it is just praying out loud by yourself and acknowledging God for who He is. That's all he really wants anyway, our praise and fellowship.   That is why He created us, isn’t it?   It sounds so simple and it really is, too simple for us smart, sophisticated, educated 21st century humans to stoop to, but it is the only way I found to pull myself out of that miry pit of depression.

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