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A = DON’T ATTACK

With the statements above, there is little need to show how improper it would be to attack. The Scriptures are clear on the matter.

Romans 12:19 ["Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord"  K.J.V.]

1Corinthians 6:7 ["Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?" K.J.V.]

Matthew 5:43-45 ["Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." K.J.V.]

C = CONFESS

The Scriptures also admonish us in this.

James 5:16 ["Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." K.J.V.] Who is it that is without sin? Who is so perfect in anything that there is no need for forgiveness? In any conceivable circumstance there is room for improvement and thus, need for confession of imperfection.

A = ASK FOR HELP

The person to whom you confess is then called upon to join you in your quest for improvement. Since that person is the one who pointed out the imperfection in one way or the other, that person is the perfect coach to assist you in achieving a higher performance rating.

Real Life Example of how to apply DACA
One of our clients complained he was verbally attacked by his wife when he arrived home late for dinner. "The dinner is in the trash. It is ruined. Why weren’t you home when you were supposed to be? You've really upset me." The husband explained that he had to work late. Immediately she accused him of being unfaithful to her with another woman. "Why didn’t you call if you had to work late?", she demanded. He shouted, "I wasn’t near a phone; I couldn’t call you! I was trying to make extra money so we can get some of these bills paid. Why can’t you appreciate my working so hard instead of attacking me like this?"

His counselor asked, "Did you defend yourself?" "Of course," he replied, "I didn’t do anything wrong." The counselor asked, "Did you attack her verbally." He admitted that he did call her a couple of not-so-flattering names.

His counselor began suggesting the DACA Method of dealing with her. Don’t Defend. Don’t Attack. Confess and Ask for help. His immediate response was, "Confess? Confess what? I'm not guilty!" The counselor asked him to rethink what he said.

"If you aren't guilty of anything, why do you have an unhappy wife who is attacking you? Is it possible there is something you could be doing wrong or something you are not doing that you could? "Think about it," the counselor suggested.

The counselor suggested they role-play. "You be your wife and I'll be you." The counselor speaking as he would speak to his wife said, "My darling wife, I've been wrong. I am so sorry. No, I am not fooling around on you, but I'm certainly doing something wrong for you to doubt my love for you. Please forgive me. For you not to know how precious you are to me is my fault."

"May I not only ask your forgiveness, but let me ask your help. Any time you begin to feel that I am ignoring you or slighting you in any way, will you please come up to me and gently and kindly, in your most loving voice, say to me, "Honey, do you love me?" My darling, this will just melt my heart with shame and I will go to any length to demonstrate my love for you and it will call my neglect of you to mind in such a tender way that I will immediately show my affection for you."

When the counselor finished his "confessing and asking," the husband just sat there thinking and then he spoke up, "I can do that." "I can do that." "Yes, I CAN do that." He left the counselor’s office repeating that over and over.

The counselor eagerly awaited the next session the following week. When the husband came in, he had the biggest smile on his face. "Well," the counselor asked, "how did it go?" "GREAT! I can’t believe how great." Then the husband proceeded to tell how when he arrived home from his last session, he sat with his wife and told her the things that the counselor suggested. "I didn’t do it as well as you did with me," he said, "but, you can’t imagine how well received it was by my wife. She wept. I wept. We embraced and wept together. Sir, that was the most wonderful night of our marriage. We had the most passionate night of love and the joy has lasted all week. She is so kind to me and so respectful that I simply can’t help expressing my love for her over and over again. We are in heaven."

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