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by Sharon Merhalski
What Can I Do To Ease Some of the Burden For Care Givers?
Our
son was ill for nine years and much of that time we were care givers in one
degree or another. I have also worked for an elderly care service and
have seen many families struggle in this situation. I hope these
suggestions may help many who are caring for ill loved ones.
First,
I want to remind Christians that we have a priority list ordained by God:
- God
- Spouse
- Immediate
family
- Church
- Others and
extended family
- Hobbies,
recreation not family related, community service, etc.
The hardest thing for
me, already a chronically ill person, was to balance my first responsibility
to God and my husband and being a needed care giver to my son. I was
often misunderstood and even maligned because I could not physically put
in the number of hours for my son that some people thought I should.
Please remember this as you think of what caregivers should shoulder
and what you may be able to do to help.
- Visits...to the ill person being taken care of. I
cannot explain what it means to have an ill family member get sweet
visits. It so ministers to the heart of the caregivers. And remember
when the ill person's spirits are lifted it makes the caregivers job
much easier and more enjoyable.
- Visits... to
the caregiver. If the caregiver does not live with the ill person visit
their home. Encourage them, listen--they need to talk, vent, cry
and/or praise the Lord to someone. And trust me, few ever think of
ministering to the caregiver...and they do need it. Emotions can
easily fog what a caregiver knows to be true in Romans 8:28 and
when this happens the "all things" get overwhelming.
- Telephone...call and read a few verses of Scripture to the
caregiver, pray with them and invite them to call you anytime they want to
talk or have a need. If they never decide to call there is comfort in
knowing you have invited them to...and they can do so.
- Time
away...volunteers who can just sit in the house for a few hours while the
caregivers run errands--have a lunch break with a friend--or take a long
leisurely bubble bath and pampers herself--are such
blessings!
- Meal...if the
caregiver has a spouse provide a gift certificate for dinner and send
them out on a date...while you sit with the ill person. Or take in a
meal, setting the table with a table cloth, candles, etc. for a special
time. If needed sit with the ill person and read to them or yourself
during the dinner time.
- Cleaning...This
is always such a need--just an hour of time to clean the bathroom,
clean the kitchen, mop a floor, run the vacuum, dust, whatever needs to be
done. Often on my way out I just quietly pick up a laudry basket full
of dirty clothes. And never, never ask if the caregiver
wants you to come and do this...they almost always say no. Rather, ask
if you can drop by for a minute...and then just begin. I have never had
anyone ask me to stop.
- Groceries...a phone
call that does not ask if they want you to pick up items, but rather
something like: I am going to stop by for a few minutes but
first I am going to stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things
for you...what are you running out of? If they say nothing
remember people will always need milk, juice, bread (specialty breads
are a nice treat), eggs,fruit, bathroom tissue, kleenex, etc.
- Decorations/ambiance...provide a seasonal plant(s) for the ill
person's room, decorations, fresh flowers, posters for the wall.
- Clutter...it is
hard to make a restful atmosphere when the ill person sees medical
supplies all around them. Storage bins would be such a help to clear
the clutter from view. These even come in stack units with
drawers. Or you may want to ask if there is an empty small dresser--or
one you could empty--move into the room-- and then organize
the items for them.
- Bed linens
...If there is a financial situation and the ill person's room needs new
sheets, curtains and/or a bedspread, consider what you may be able to
do...or several friends may be able to contribute to purchase them.
Give the money to the caregiver and a few dollars to buy themselves
lunch when they go to purchase them. Or, take a catalog and have
the caregiver and ill person pick out what they would like and order it for
them. There is little worse than being ill in a poorly decorated or
messy room...especially when people stop by to visit.
Danette Tucker adds: Provide a goody basket of convenience items
to make life a little easier. If the caregiver is also having to take care
of light housework having disposable dishes, serving containers, paper towels,
etc. can make just that little bit of difference that really helps. Some
more ideas -- disposable cleaning wipes, air freshener, food mixes such as muffins,
"Helper-type" boxed foods, snacks foods, microwave popcorn, etc. Then as
you leave take out the trash on your way.
If
the ill person needs to make regular trips to the doctor, take some turns
providing the transportation so the regular caregiver can use that time to do
something else they need to do -- some shopping, get their hair done, or just
take a long nap.
Make a trip to the library to pick out some favorite
books for the caregiver to read during odd moments. The same applies to
providing some music cassettes or CDs, especially worship music. Make sure
they have something on which to play the
music!
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