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Obadiah verse 15, "For the day of the Lord is near upon all the heathen: as thou hast done (they ignored the sin around them), it shall be done unto thee: thy reward shall return upon thine own head."

The staff of Titus 2 are frequently asked to define abuse. This question always causes my hair to stand on end because I know I've just hit the tip of an iceberg. By the time someone gets up the nerve to ask they already know the case they are familiar with is ABUSE. What they really want to ask is; "Is the victim and their family getting the right advice and support?" When the abuse situation is out in the world, we can self-righteously say lock the guy up and throw away the key, or take those kids awa y from the parents. However, when someone is asking us, it means the abuse is or has happened within the church family or in their own extended family. It also usually means that they feel the situation is not being given good counsel.

Abuse may take any of several forms and we have written an entire section for the Titus 2 Men and Women web site that deals with various types of abuse. I'm not going to re-write that material. Instead I want to consider the options of how to deal with the abuser and how to help the victims heal.

I am referring to the abuser in the masculine gender because males are more likely to be violent abusers. I do realize that woman may also be abusers.

In our Christian circles it is common to suggest an abuser see a coun selor, often the pastor. His wife is told to be submissive, to turn the other cheek, to forgive and to allow him to stay in or come back into the house. Many times the family is moved to another city or state to hide from the accusation. That may sound like the Christian thing to do, except for a few practical and Biblical problems.

Very few pastors have been trained in abuse counseling. Unless an individual has been trained specifically or is an abuse survivor there are nuances of abuse that are not understood.

Secondly abuse has nothing to do with how obedient and submissive a wife or child is, it has everything to do with the abuser's lack of self-control and need to feel powerful.

Thirdly, allowing an abuser to stay in or return to the home causes anguish and hopelessness in the victims while enabling the abuse to continue or escalate.

Fourthly, moving covers the sin. Until the man is held accountable he has no motivation to stop and only becomes more deceptive. If the accusation is untrue he needs to trust the courts to publicly declare him innocent.

The Bible is clear on the point that God opposes violence (see Proverbs 21:7, Ezekiel 45:9) and that Jesus Christ warned against those who take advantage of people who are physically weaker (Matthew 18:1-6), yet we are actually promoting a theology that encourages violence when we tell a woman she must learn to "endure" beatings and stay with the abuser.

Matthew 18:15-17 "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."

1Corinthians 5:1&5 "It is reported commonly that there is fornication (porneia: adultery, incest) among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus."

Both of these passages are used in the exercise of church discipline. If the abuser is a professing Christian and member of the church, why wouldn't that same discipline be exercised in protecting his family from his sin?

I believe it is also important to consider Exodus 20:5 "Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;"

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