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From talking to many people and to myself c:...actually from considering my experiences, I believe both the ‘art’ and ‘science’ of real communication are becoming non-existent and relationships of all kinds are suffering because of it.

I recently asked my pastor if I could use on this website some notes that he gave to a friend .  He most graciously said, "Yes!"...and the exclamation point was in his voice.   Much of the following information comes from a book entitled "Do-It-Yourself Relationship Mender" by Dr. Gary Rosenberg.... "a remarkable remedy for unresolved conflict".

I found the following information very helpful and I write this with a prayer that it will help others to have better and more meaningful relationships in their lives.

ELEVATOR TALK......communication

 " A lot of communication goes about as deep as elevator talk.  All the verbalizing remains on the superficial level."

(--I thought about this for quite awhile.  From countless visits to hospitals in my lifetime...so many during the time my son was ill, I understand what elevator talk is.  "Good morning, nice day today."  "Do you believe it will rain today?"  "I think it is going to storm tonight." "Can you believe this election?"  Very superficial shallow sentiments given to strangers.

Elevator talk can also be a way of life time communication for some people...people who live inside of themselves for  ‘protection’ from others.  Sometimes we call this behavior  being shy, but oftentimes it is done so no one can get to know us, like us, and then reject us.)

Helps to communication

 "A man who was working on his doctorate was approached by his little girl who wanted to show him a picture she had drawn of the family.  He kept putting her off, got angry, then felt guilty so he asked to see her sketch.  It didn’t take him long to see that he was missing.  He asked her, "But where is your daddy?"  She replied, "Oh he’s at the library."

 I.   Take a relationship temperature.

1. Every four to six weeks have a "date" with each member of Your family. (Before the date we can make a list and tell the other person that we need to talk about these when you get time.)
2. When we have the meeting ask, "How am I doing as a _______________? (This means that we need to give the freedom to our children to answer the question from their hearts as long as they speak respectfully. It also means we need to prepare ourselves for constructive criticism when we ask any others in our lives this question  As we listen to the answers we also need to listen intently as God speaks to our hearts about the matter.)
3. Ask, What do you need from me?

Possible answers---"more time, more patience, less yelling, More hugs, more listening."  (God’s priority list is first God, then family, then the church---which involves our serving the ‘others’ in our lives, then outside interests.  Our first God-given ministry is our family and if this priority is not there we are out of the will of God.  The answers to this question should be weighed heavily and earnestly prayed about.)

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