Is there an underlying reason why marriages struggle? What can I do about it?

I am asked these two questions more often than any others, not by those who are having marital problems but by those who are trying to avoid them. There is a biblical reason why marriages struggle and to understand the dilemma we must go back to the beginning. Genesis. 5:2 says, "Male and female created he them; and blessed them and called their name Adam ".

God Created male and female with the concept of oneness. In no case, other than man’s, do we find God using a portion of a creature to create its mate. Could God have formed woman from the dust of the ground as he did Adam? Certainly he could have. Could he have simply spoken her into existence as he did the world, absolutely? But, he did not choose to create woman in this fashion. Why? Have you ever noticed that verse 2 of Genesis 5 says "created he them; and blessed them and called their name Adam,". He did not give woman a name of her own, and quite honestly she did not even receive the name Eve until after the fall and the name was given by Adam not God, Genesis 3:20. Every living creature God created, he created with the concept of unity. When man was originally created he contained all that was necessary to function and exist. The only problem was, there was not a help meet for him, Genesis 2:18.

God said that it was not good for man to be alone. It was not that he could not have functioned alone, for he would have done so without a help meet. Had God simply formed woman as he had man there would have been two separate people with separate desires, goals, ambitions and priorities. God chose to take woman out of man, which means, when woman was created, man lost something that could only be replaced by his being in union with woman. Prior to Eve there was one person; after Eve there was still one person but a person with two bodies.

Scripture says in Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh". Is it any wonder that, when a long-time married couple suffers a loss, the other partner follows shortly after in death? Part of their very being is gone; part of their body, desire and reason for living is gone. This is one of the reasons why divorce is so painful; part of you has been cut off. Marriage problems occur when we begin to think that we can function completely independent of our mate.

When we begin to view our mate as an added benefit instead of a necessary component in our life, we must ask ourselves the question, "Why do I view my mate as being a mere benefit instead of what God intended---an integral part of my very being?" The question now becomes easy to answer, yet hard to correct. The answer is SELFISHNESS! The reason the answer is so difficult to deal with is because the root of selfishness is PRIDE. Does this sound like the problem Lucifer had in Isaiah 14:14. What about the older brother of the prodigal son in Luke 15:12. Was this root problem the issue between Cain and Abel in Genesis 4:5-7.

When we become selfishly concerned only with our own life, we become self-consumed and begin to view our mate as a benefit, which we can use at our convenience instead of a necessity for living, decision making, laughing and loving. Once we are consumed with selfishness, pride makes it almost impossible to correct our view of our mate. TOGETHER, we become one whole, complete, functioning person. Determine to die to yourself and live for your mate! They shall be ONE FLESH.

This page has been displayed 11 times this month, 2751 times since January 1, 2005 .