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"Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good;
lead me into the land of uprightness.  Quicken me, O Lord for thy name’s sake:
for thy righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble."  Psalm 143:10-11

About two years ago, as my then sixteen year old and I were sitting in the car together, waiting for her ensemble practice to begin, she turned to me in confidence and said, "Mom, can I tell you something that I am afraid of?  I’m afraid that I am going to go to Bible College, meet some fine fellow, fall in love with him, and then he will want me to wear ‘these kinds of skirts’ and ‘college approved culottes’ all my life."

After she said this, I just smiled.  Coming here to college has been quite a change for all of us.  I knew that she wasn’t completely sold on all of the college’s standards yet.  I knew that she struggled with what she was supposed to wear and how she was supposed to wear it.  And yet, I also knew that coming here to college was God’s will for our family.  And part of that will was for us to adopt these conservative Christian standards.

But even though I knew all of this, my heart still felt for her.  It’s not an easy thing to want to do God’s will ~ especially when doing is calls for a sacrifice of your own right!

So, rather than give her a "you need to do what is right" lecture, I decided to smile at her instead.  I told her not to worry about it, and I remind her that God would teach her how to do the things that He would want her to do when she needed to do them.

I had all but forgotten about this conversation, until the other day, when a personal ‘fear’ of my own was exposed.

"Dave," I had asked my husband out of curiosity on that day, "What do you think God wants you to do for Him after you graduate from Bible College?"

 "Well, Julie," he answered, slowly and deliberately, as though his life depended upon it, "I think God is calling me to be an Evangelist."

"An Evangelist?" I responded, hoping that I didn’t hear him right, "You mean, like a traveling Evangelist?  The kind that goes from place to place and doesn’t have a home?"

"Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.  Don’t you think it would be so exciting to travel around together, visiting churches and encouraging others with God’s Word?"

 No, I thought to myself, I don’t think that sounds the least bit exciting.   This is ME your talking to, I wanted to remind him, the "urban homemaker" herself.  I’m the one that loves to grind her own wheat and bake her own bread.  I’m the one who loves decorating, house cleaning, and gardening.  I’m the one who loves family gatherings, getting to know her neighbors, and local church activities.  I am NOT the one that wants to spend the rest of her life traveling from place to place and living out of a suitcase.  These were all of the things that I wanted to say to him.

But, as I looked into the eyes of my precious, prospective, "Evangelist-to-be"  husband, I decided to say nothing.  I didn’t have the heart to.  He was so excited and I didn’t want to be the one to damper his enthusiasm.

So, I just smiled at him, told myself not to worry about it, and reminded myself (just like I had reminded Sabrina), that I could count on God to teach me how to do the things that He would want me to do when He wanted me to do them.

Have you ever panicked over doing the will of God?  Have you ever struggled to do what God wanted you to do?  Have you ever resisted His prompting as He tried to lead you in a different direction?  Have you ever begged Him to let you do things differently?

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