"No one has ever been faithful to me. I don't trust
anyone."
"I don't know how I feel about anything."
"I'm leaving my family."
I hear these statements daily from men. Many men live in their own private
pain. Statistics indicate one out of every four boys are sexual abused by the
age of 18 in our country today. These are very deep wounds. There are so many
hurting boys who grow up to be wounded men unable to give their children what
they did not get.
I was one of those men. I am a childhood sexual abuse victim and child victim
of living in a divorced and alcoholic home. I don't yet know all the memories
of why and how I was abused. Pieces of my wounded past are coming together one
by one. As they do, my abused life and wounds are being healed by Jesus Christ.
Yours can be too!
Male abuse takes many different forms. It may involve being exposed to pornography
or other poisons that lay a foundation for future problems. Or it may consist
of some form of being neglected and not taught to be emotionally mature or sensitive
to yourself or others. Some forms of this neglect are being overly indulged
or spoiled, undisciplined or a variety of other unhealthy patterns in a child's
upbringing.
One thing I do know about my abuse is that Christ is healing me. I am coming
out of being a victim of my past. There is hope for healing through Jesus Christ
and becoming a "Wounded Warrior" -- a "Superstar with Scars!"
All people suffer some forms of abuse and wounds in life. Life isn't fair.
In fact, life can be savagely vicious. I meet people everyday whose lives have
been torn apart by others. In turn, the lives of those others were just as wounded
or worse.
What's the answer? In particular, what is the answer for men who are encouraged
in our society to just "Suck it up & be a Man"?
Maybe you are like me. Maybe you are a victim of some form of abuse. Maybe
you aren't sure if you are or not, but as you read so far, you felt a connection
with what I have described. Your wounds may be worse than mine. Or you may know
someone with wounds like these or, based on their behavior, you suspect that
they may have possibly suffered a wounded childhood.
Why another book on abuse recovery? Much has been written about abuse but not
specifically Christian Abuse Recovery for Men. And especially not about severe
abuse and sexual abuse recovery for men. Male abuse recovery is unique and not
identical to female abuse recovery.
Women can benefit from reading this too, especially if you are abused or are
dealing with an abused male. You can learn and apply and adapt much of this
to yourself, or learn to understand and help such a man. You can take the knowledge
and questions presented here and use them for yourself or to help other men
and women conversationally.
This "conversational approach" is especially helpful with men as we
generally do not do self-help reading and writing. We are not usually taught
nor encouraged by other men or our society to understand our feelings. Men also
experience emotions and express them differently than women. Therefore, we are
uncomfortable and many times uneducated in dealing with our emotions successfully.
Reading and using this for yourself or with the hopes of helping someone else
may be invaluable. It can give you direction in helping someone you know who
will not pick up a book for themselves but will talk to you.
Whether for yourself or a loved one, let me offer you a word of hope at this
point. Healing is possible. It's not always easy but most things in life that
are worth anything don't come easy or cheap. I'm not going to give you some
simplistic formula. Life is too complex and the wounds are too deep. But there
is hope and I want to be your guide and fellow traveler on your path out of
your pain. Let's begin a journey here together out of abuse into healing.
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