[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

Truthfully, by the time I reached the end of my 27^th year, I believed that the healing work was completed in my life and from that day onward my life was going to be a beautiful upward move.   At this point, I had been married for six or seven years.   And I really thought that the healing I experienced was going to be the key to healing the widening cracks in our marriage.  I genuinely believed that my past was surely the cause of the problems we had.

In the months right before our marriage my future mother-in-law asked me once whether I thought I would be able to handle Brent's temper. I grew up in a home where I had literally never seen my parents fight - period.   Also, my siblings and I had largely been compliant children -- no significant rebellion from any of us, especially after we reached our teens.  I had no idea what Brent's mother could possibly mean.  I thought that since we were both Christians, there couldn't be anything that bad in either of our lives.

The first time violence entered our home was after we had been married for two years.  And it seemed like such a minor thing that I could not understand why it hurt my feelings so deeply.  But that incident was only the first in a gradually escalating pattern.  At first, Brent attempted to laugh off his outbursts. When Brent became enraged, there was always some reason why it was my fault or the children's fault.  For seven years I believed him.  Eventually I realized that I would never be perfect and neither was any other woman.  Yet other marriages didn't experience violence as a result of imperfection.   My failures were no excuse for Brent's choices, period. 

Brent didn't remember his outbursts after the fact, so he believed I was lying when I tried to talk to him about his increasingly dangerous violence and extreme profanity. God was merciful in that neither of the children or myself was ever hurt physically with more than minor bruises, like kids get every day during play.  And it really was God's mercy because there were many times that protection was nothing less than miraculous.

After about five years I began to think that since he couldn't seem to control it, maybe this behavior was related to a physical problem.  For as long as we had been married, Brent had always been weak physically.  He had experienced a complete physical breakdown several months before we were married as a result of an abusive situation and never fully recovered.   When I asked Brent about seeking medical help for his outbursts he finally acknowledged that there was a problem.

Brent was diagnosed as manic-depressive.  Manic depression is a broad diagnosis encompassing everything from chronic depression, resulting from a variety of sources, to bi-polar disorder, which is a definite medical condition requiring lifelong medical treatment.   Brent was put on popular anti-depressant drugs.  At first the drugs appeared to help.  But within about a year the violence began to escalate again, more than before.  After the fact, we realized that the drugs were responsible for making a bad situation worse.

During this process, I learned a precious "secret" that changed my life once again.  I learned that, as much as I want to talk to God, He wants to talk to me even more!  I learned that I could go to the Word and ask Him to speak to me and He would speak to me from His word with direct answers to my questions, guidance for my life, encouragement right where I need it.   It really is such an obvious thing, and yet we don't hear it taught and we don't see it modeled.  God makes it clear in Scripture that the purpose of salvation is to reconcile man to God (II Cor. 5:17-21) -- implying restoration of a prior relationship.  The prior relationship God had with man before the fall included a face-to-face walking and talking daily communication (Gen. 3:8).  Jesus calls us His friends (John 15:13-15).  Friends spend time together and a fundamental part of their relationship is two-way communication.  The Word characterizes our new relationship with God as one so close we can call Him "Daddy" (Rom. 8:15, Gal. 4:6).  Our "Daddy" is not hard or distant; He is close and approachable (Mt. 7:7-11).  God promises wisdom when we ask (Js. 1:5).  He says He has given the Holy Spirit to teach us and to be our counselor (John 14-16).  God says He has not changed (Heb. 13:8 and many more) and He does not lie (Titus 1:2), so the Word must mean exactly what it says.

[ Previous Page ]     [ Next Page ]        Page:

This page has been displayed 7 times this month, 22 times since October 12, 2008 .