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God also revealed to this counselor that someone in spiritual authority over Brent had cursed him.  When the counselor asked me about it, seeking to verify what she thought God showed her, I was amazed because I immediately knew it was true.  When she asked Brent about it at our next counseling session, Brent immediately thought of a different man than I had remembered.  Within a few minutes we realized that three men in a row had cursed Brent during the few years before we were married and the year after we were married.  These men were in positions of spiritual authority over Brent.  While Brent was just learning to hear from and obey God's direction as a man himself, these men were telling him he was mistaken, that he was too immature to hear from God for himself and that he must obey them in order to be godly.  They each publicly ridiculed and humiliated Brent for the very things he was doing in obedience to God.  The Word says death and life are in the power of the tongue (Prov. 18:21), and again, the Word means what it says.  There is also a principle in God's Word about the power of a cord made with three strands (Ecc. 4:12).  Satan used a curse with the power of a three-fold cord to bind Brent.   The result of this was that Brent shut down spiritually, just as his body had shut down physically.  When Brent shut down spiritually he had no way to deal with life because the Holy Spirit had no access to him. 

Gal. 5:19 - 21 says, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like..."  These are directly opposite to the fruit of the Spirit found in the next two verses, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness..."  How can we be surprised at such behavior when the Holy Spirit is shut out of a person's life?  We lived with hatred, wrath, strife and a murderous heart -- all quite simply deeds of the flesh.

When this curse was broken through simply exposing it to the light and agreeing with God's truth in prayer, the root of Brent's violence was destroyed.   Secular counseling could never have revealed this root problem.  Even most Christian counseling wouldn't have exposed it because unfortunately most Christian counselors rely on their "learning" and techniques rather than truly relying on the Holy Spirit for revelation of spiritual roots.  The Word says that our struggle is not against flesh and blood (Eph. 6:12) and it is literally true.

After we had been separated for a little over six months, we were reconciled again.  But God had more to teach me.   By the time we were reconciled -- a decision I made because I believed it was right, not because I felt like it -- I was emotionally shattered.  But I made a heroic effort to hold it all together.  At the same time, I began asking God to show me what His love really looked like.  The Word says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves and I could see within myself that I had a hard time expressing love tangibly, even to my family.  Within another six months I couldn’t keep up the walls around my emotions any longer.  I've always been a terrific "stuffer" -- stuffing my emotions because I could see no benefit in them.  I always wanted to do what was right, and doing right often runs opposite of feelings.  So I learned to "control" my emotions and not "give in" to them.  What I was really doing was relying on my own strength to keep the doors to my emotions firmly shut and locked.  

But Jesus came to set captives free -- including emotional captives!  God let the pressure build until I could not keep the doors closed any longer.  I went into about a six-month period of being overwhelmed by a lifetime of stuffed emotions -- finally feeling the hurt of all the things that had happened.  I felt abandoned and betrayed by God, though my head knew this was not true.  I have always believed God loves me because the Word says so.  But I didn't know what that love was really like.  At the end of six months God showed me that when Jesus died on the cross, as a completely human man, He literally experienced every bit of the pain that has come into my life as well as the hurt I've caused others.  And He did it deliberately, because, being completely God, He loved me and wanted to provide a way of freedom from the curse of that pain.   When I realized how literal and real Jesus' love for me was in His death and resurrection, I was finally able to KNOW Him as the God of comfort.

God is good. God has taught me so much in hard places, and it is my heart's desire to share the truth of God's hope to other women walking in similarly dark paths.  I know there is hope because He's shown it to me again and again in seemingly hopeless situations.  God has real answers for life's real questions.  And, while I know I'll never be finished with the growth process, I'm delighted to be able to share with others the light I've been given. 

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