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In my quest for emotional healing in Christ many answers to my questions came out of much Bible study, sermons, seeking and hours of pastoral counsel. Some of those questions that I sought answers for were: How do we  learn to forgive with these negative and destructive emotions of anger and bitterness (which are natural and practically inevitable results of abuse, especially when it occurs when we are too young to handle it maturely)?  How do we learn to forgive injustice without wanting revenge?  Is forgiveness possible when the one who hurt us never asks us to forgive them?  What is forgiveness? And what is not true forgiveness?

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(The following resource was given to me by my pastor and I use it as an outline for the body of this article.  I do not use it in its entirety. I have added a lot of scripture and  my text is in  [brackets].)

Do-It-Yourself Relationship Mender

By Dr. Gary Rosenberg

Heart Preparation

Mat 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Mat 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

--Clear your own heart.  Ask God what He wants to teach you.

Psalms 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Job 6:24 Teach me, and I will hold my tongue: and cause me to understand wherein I have erred.

Job 34:32 That which I see not teach thou me: if I have done iniquity, I will do no more.

--Seek direction from Scripture and prayer. 

Psalms 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

Psalms 139:24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

---Adopt an attitude of restoration rather than strife or self-vindication.

[Restore yourself with God first and then with others.]

--Look for the underlying causes of the conflict. What sins, issues or unresolved tensions may be at the root of the problem.

Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

--Be prepared to name and address the consequences of sin.

[If it sin on your part...as harboring bitterness, anger, or hate:

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If there are consequences/affects in your life caused by the abuse that need to be healed/changed pray knowing God will change you as you yield to Him.

Psalms 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands.]

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