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My parents were praying people.  I’m sure I caused them great heartache but they kept right on praying.

Finally, when my fiancé jilted me, jobless I cried out to God, seeking his forgiveness and direction for my life. My parents and I prayed together asking the Lord to show me His will. I specifically asked that God leave no doors of choice open to me except the one he would have me open. In answer to that prayer, I bought a one way ticket to Wisconsin.

Just as God had been working in my life, He had also been working in the heart of a young man named Fred. We were introduced three weeks after I moved to Wisconsin. 

Fred was a born again Christian and a single father with five sons. We were married six weeks after we met with the blessing of my parents, his parents, his first wife’s mother, and our Pastor.

God gave me an instant family. Our boys all began calling me "Mom" by their choice in less then a month and that has been over 30 years ago and I’m still their "Mom"! 

More surgery followed for me. The doctor, at that point, took me off of the hormones. Within two months the Lord had touched my body and I conceived. My first major miracle is named Eric. Eighteen months later a second miracle named Andy was born. Only a woman that never expected to bare children can understand the awe I felt. 

When I was 32 years old the doctor informed me that I needed to have a hysterectomy. In my initial fear and concern I prayed and told God if he really wanted me to be sure that I needed the surgery, He could knock down a large black walnut tree that was in the back yard. In the same prayer, I immediately told God I didn’t need a sign. There was no storm just a rustling in the leaves, a loud crack, and that tree fell over. I called the doctor’s office to schedule the surgery.

God impressed on me a verse that I have claimed for my life’s verse. Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

As well as the joy of these 30 plus years, my husband and I have faced in our sons lives sibling rivalry, rebellion, drug use, pornography, grandchildren born outside of marriage, marriages, divorce, and the death of a grandson. Isaiah 40:31 has always been there to sustain me.

What long-term effect did my sexual assault and abuse have on me? At one time I’d have said none but I realize now that that was wrong. 

The beating and rape were brutal, but I was a young adult at that time. I carried a minor guilt because I should not have been dating a non-Christian.  Once I had asked God to forgive me for not obeying His will in dating, the guilt was gone but the nightmares lasted for years.

As I grew into an adult I knew that the first abuse was not my fault so I carried no guilt. The reasoning about guilt was correct but abuse always leaves scars.

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