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Children grow up believing that their home is normal. Each feels their life
is average. They have no textbook, no chart, and no life experience to tell
them differently. They may not like what is happening to them but they don't
have the social experience to prevent or change their situation.
The sexual predator may use one of several ploys to fulfill their desires.
Let me list a few and see if you recognize someone you know/knew.
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"I love you more then anyone" "You are special." Flattery makes a girl
feel like a princess. "Prince Charming" loves her. He thinks she is pretty.
He thinks she is older or more mature then she is. He knows the truth but
she doesn’t. In her mind she may even fantasize about marrying him when
she grows up.
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"If you tell, know one will believe you." People usually believe an adult’s
word against a child’s word. Children learn very early that they aren’t
always believed. Unfortunately, many times, once they got up enough
nerve to tell, they weren’t believed. Parents wanted to protect their
young children and keep them innocent. An adult that does not view
a young child as a sexual object has great difficulty accepting that they
may have friends or authority figures in their child's life that think of
the child as a sexual partner.
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"If you tell I’ll hurt you or a member of your family." A child will almost
always attempt to protect someone they love.
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"If you tell, the police will take you away and you won’t ever be able
to see your family again." Silence is usually guaranteed with this ploy.
The child has no other frame of reference. Their home and family are all
they know and they have no reason to believe another home would be any different.
The child believes they have no recourse. As a child I didn’t know how to protect
myself, who to tell, or even that I should tell someone. As an adult, I know
I should have told my parents and it would never have happened a second time.
Once a child is old enough to understand that they should have told, they begin
to feel guilt or embarrassment because they didn’t tell.
As a sexual abuse victim grows up they often act out in one or more of the
following ways:
| Rebellion = |
you didn’t protect me or you abused me why
should I obey you. |
| Self-abusive = |
if I cause myself enough physical pain I
won’t feel the inner pain. |
| Bilemic/Anorexia = |
if I get thin enough you won’t see me. |
| Compulsive eater = |
if I get fat no one will want to touch
me. |
| Drugs/ Alcohol addicted = |
if I’m high enough or drunk enough I’ll be
able to forget. |
| Sexually promiscuous = |
I’ve already been used maybe I can use me
to get what "I" want. |
| Suicidal = |
if that is love, I’d rather be dead. |
We are so wonderfully made that our self-protection system kicks in to over-drive
at the perceived threat of a repeat of abuse. As we mature, most victims push
the memories down inside, buried deep within, hopefully forgotten until something
causes the memory, the hurt, the frustration, the anger to bubble to the top.
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