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Several years ago, I began to notice that even when I was thinking about being sexually intimate with my husband, as soon as he let me know what was on his mind, I pushed him away. I didn't push him physically but in my mind and my response to him. I knew the scripture from I Corinthians 7:3-5, Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. Knowing the scripture and obeying it were two very different things. If I was asleep and woke to feel my husband touching me, my instant reaction was rage. I was not annoyed or angry. I was consumed with a red-hot boiling rage. The rage became so intense I felt I would explode. Slowly, over a period of weeks the Lord spoke to me. God created me with my emotions and anger is one of the emotions. Christ got angry and drove the moneychangers from the temple. Anger is not sin unless it is mis-directed. The Lord showed me that because when we married my husband and I became one flesh, he had the right to touch me. Genesis 2:24-25 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. My anger was mis-directed. I asked the Lord to show me the cause of my anger. I knew it had a root growing
somewhere inside of me. He showed me that when I was a child I could not prevent
the touching but that now that I was an adult I was striving for total control
of who could or couldn’t touch and when they would be allowed When I recognized the cause, I was able to ask the Lord to remove the rage, to heal my inner self and to allow me to rejoice in my loving husband's caress. God is the great physician and He brought healing to me. - Teddi Neevel
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