Compiled by Sharon Merhalski, Teddi Neevel and Danette Tucker

Question:

If my abuser wants fellowship restored am I not obligated to have fellowship?

I'm thinking constantly of Hebrews 12:2 and Romans 5:8

Christ died and extended forgiveness while we were yet sinners.

He also said "Whosoever will may come"

We were yet in our sin when He died and rose again,  and we repented of our sin and desired fellowship with Him, He freely accepted us and washed our sins away, and we have daily fellowship with Him if we so desire.

Is this not the bar I need to reach up to?

It seems impossible as a hurting human!

Can you help me clarify this in my own mind?"

Answer:

I hope this helps.  I pulled information written  by two of our writers:  Teddi Neevel and Danette Tucker.  I wanted to be able to explain this fully to you.  And please talk to your pastor--seek his counsel. ~~Sharon

If the Holy Spirit is asking if you are willing to write a letter of forgiveness to your abuser, yes, you need to be willing with the understanding that restoration would absolutely hinge on complete confession and true repentance demonstrated by making things right.

Forgiveness is an act of obedience. God commands that we forgive. Our humanity (pride=sin) in many instances doesn't want to forgive. After all, we have been hurt, why should we forgive? The only way we can forgive, is in recognizing that we were not worthy of God's forgiveness, but He had pity on us because of our weakness (sinful human character) and paid the price to forgive us. We turn our anger into pity for our offender so that we can be free from the anger and guiltiness of sinful thoughts and feelings. And in so doing, we break Satan's chains of bondage.

Fellowship is based on repentance not forgiveness. God sent Jesus to pay the price for my sin (forgiveness)before I was ever born, but even though the price was paid there was no fellowship until I repented. And any time I sin and fail to repent the fellowship is broken.

Has your abuser repented? Has he apologized to you? Has he asked for your forgiveness? Has he confessed to the rest of the family, including your mother (parents) -- which would have to include his willingness to tell the truth to your parents since they were part of your past pain at his hands, and any other nieces, daughters, his wife, etc. about what he did? Has he sought Biblical counseling? Or is he living his life, hoping that no one will ever tell...believing that it really didn't make any difference...that you turned out "all right"...that any problems you have had has nothing to do with what he did to you...waiting for another victim. Restoration of fellowship is always based on repentance not forgiveness. And restoration of fellowship doesn't mean placing anyone else at risk by allowing a known offender to have access to other girls.

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